Bad Romance - Is It Madness?
by ursula.albus
Summary: After losing the battle of New York Loki is sentenced to spend 120 years in a Midgardian mental asylum. Diana Knowles is a teenager and her father is the head of the institution. When the paths of Loki and Diana cross, it leads them to experience something neither of them ever expected. Takes place after Avengers. AU, doesn't go to the events of 'Thor: Dark World'. Loki/OC
1. Chapter 1 - Turning Points

**_Welcome to 'Bad Romance - is It Madness?'. I wrote this story during National Novel Writing Month in November 2016. It is also the first full-length fanfiction I have ever written. I have taken heavy influences from many other Loki fanfiction writers. Kudos to especially Alydia Rackham. Marvel owns the Marvel stuff. About the song lyrics: all the credit goes naturally to their owners. I own the typos :) And Diana, my OC._**

 _ **Dedicated to K, L and N.**_ ** _You know who you are. This story wouldn't have been written without you._**

 ** _Chapter 1 background music suggestion: Patrick Doyle: Science and Magic  
I have a background music playlist on YouTube! Just search ursula albus._**

 _ **Let us begin!**_

 _ **\- Edited 08.09.2018. Also changed rating from 'M' to 'T'. The story deals with some themes of self-harm and suicide but I think these themes are dealt in a way that remains very much 'T'.  
**_

* * *

 ** _..._**

 _Song of the New Beginning_

 _He planted the Tree,_  
 _One Beyond Time,_  
 _And realm after realm,_  
 _It grew_

 _He filled it with Magic_  
 _He filled it with Life_

 _But the realms they all fell_  
 _One after another_  
 _Hearts grew cold_  
 _And Love,_  
 _Was no more_

 _But He would never abandon,_  
 _The lost and the broken,_  
 _And beyond the stars and Time,_  
 _He still calls them._

 _Ask._  
 _And it shall be yours._  
 _A new beginning._  
 _A new heart._

 _\- Variation of an Asgardian Poem, by Unknown  
_  
 **...**

 **Chapter 1** \- **Turning points**

 **...**

 _The long and winding road  
That leads to your door  
Will never disappear,  
I've seen that road before  
It always leads me here  
Lead me to your door_

 _\- The Beatles: The Long and Winding Road  
..._

"How dare you...Do you know _who_ I am?" the tall dark-haired man hissed. He was clearly enraged. Two rather large male nurses were dragging him from the van. He was wearing a straight-jacket and his raven black hair was glued to his face.  
"Have you _any_ idea…" he was about continue his rant when the other nurse interrupted him.  
"Yes. You told us."  
The younger nurse gave a glance at his older colleague.  
"The impudence," the tied-up man scoffed and threw his head back to regain some eye-sight. The two men continued escorting him towards a staircase that lead to a large double door. The morning was cold.

"I am…" he said with a raised voice.  
The air was so cold one could see his breath.

"Loki of Asgard..." he continued while they marched up the stairs.  
The two nurses gave a bored look at each other.

"And I am burdened…" he continued even angrier.  
The door was opened to let them in.

"...WITH A GLORIOUS PURPOSE!"

His last words remained echoing in the chilly winter air.

...

"Darn, I'm late again," the girl muttered and sped up on her bike. She was riding it like her life depended on it. Frost crackled under the tires. The air felt cold on her cheeks.  
"Late, late, late..."  
Finally she arrived to the courtyard and threw the bike onto the ground.

"And where were you?" the solemn looking man said at the dining table.  
"I was at the library," the girl said and sat down.  
They were the only people in the rather large house.  
"This again?" the girl said and winced at the look of the gravy.  
"We should get an au pair."  
"Or you should help me," the man said looking tired.  
The girl's expression turned to an empathetic one.  
"I'm sorry...Did you have a bad day?"  
The man nodded.  
"There was a new patient`," he said quietly. "A difficult one."  
The girl nodded once in an understanding way. The man gazed outside the window, furrowing his brow, his thoughts obviously returning to the person he had mentioned. He took a sip of water and cleared his throat.  
"But enough about work. What about you? How was school?"  
The girl was silent and didn't answer.  
"Diana...What's wrong?"  
"I'm not going there anymore."

...

Loki could not believe what had happened. He had expected to be thrown into the dungeons for an indefinite time. But his mother had...Yes, she had intervened, so that did not happen. And now here he was, in a Midgardian asylum for mentally deranged. Odin had made a bargain with the council of humans. Loki was sure he had planned this exile to be as humiliating as possible. There were several closed doors between himself and freedom. But there were actually more than just doors.

Loki walked to the mirror and examined the wounds on his face. Luckily they were not that bad, in fact they were already closing. He was still more than these puny mortals. If only he had his magic...But of course Odin and the humans wouldn't allow it. Not after everything. Thor had wanted to escort him here but Odin didn't trust him. Well, Thor was an oaf.

No one at the asylum knew who he was. They thought he was a madman. A lunatic. He was told this was for his own protection, the anonymity. But he was sure there was no good intention here. This was just a way to show him his place. Beneath everyone. He paced around the room. It was an old building on Midgardian standards. The rooms were lofty, windows stood tall. He gazed out of the window. The glass distorted the image slightly, it looked like it the material had slowly deformed in time, like a flowing liquid.

For a brief moment Loki felt like a trapped animal. But he took a deep breath and calmed himself. He knew there had to be a way out. There always was. It might be a slow way, a way of cunning and patience. And he knew Heimdall's eyes could watch him now any moment, since he could no longer hide himself with his magic. But there had to be a way out.

 _There always was._

Loki walked in front of the window and looked at the eerie landscape. It was so bland, lacked all life and colour in his eyes. It was death compared to Asgard.

But then, suddenly, another thought crossed his mind. A thought of freedom. He was no longer under any influence of the scepter. He felt...relief, if he was honest with himself. Also, he knew Thanos could not find him here, because his mother had demanded several spells of concealment for his protection.

He sighed. After hearing what his punishment would be, he had been filled with rage. And he had let it out. He had screamed. He had protested. Finally, they had sedated him with something.

There had been no time for contemplation.  
Now it seemed, there was time for nothing but it.

Truly, it had all been madness.

...

Loki took the older woman's hand and shook it. In some other conditions, he might have kissed her hand, but Loki suspected this was not the place for that. Somehow he felt what Midgardians called normalcy was expected, and that didn't include the manners of Asgardian court.

The woman minutely raised her eyebrow and greeted him.  
"Good morning, Mr. Laufeyson. Please sit down."  
She gestured towards a black leather sofa. Loki sat down. He was wearing a white t-shirt and comfortable trousers to go with it. His pale skin combined with the whiteness of the clothes made him quite a contrast with the sofa. He made a mental note to request black clothes as soon as possible.

"My name is Dr. Allsop"  
"Good morning, Doctor", Loki said with a calm voice.  
"How are you feeling today?"  
"I am fine, Doctor," Loki said neutrally.

He had think of a scheme. But he didn't yet know of all the factors involved. So he knew he had to play along. Just play. And he was the best actor he knew after all.

"You can call me Elaine or Doctor Allsop or just Doctor, whichever way you prefer. We'll be spending some time in each other's company and I'd like you to feel comfortable."  
"Thank you, _Elaine_." Loki said, pronouncing each syllable softly and at the same time leaning back on the sofa. Doctor Allsop was sitting on a sturdy wooden chair that had some padding. Loki assessed his surroundings quickly. There was a fluffy crimson rug and some paintings on the wall. The room had the feeling of good taste.  
The doctor cleared her throat softly. She had grey hair, delicate features and a warm glow in her eyes.  
"I'll be honest with you, Loki. I am actually under orders to keep an eye on you. I know who you are."  
Loki scoffed internally. So much for his anonymity, but he didn't let his face give away any of this feeling away. On the surface he remained calm, serene.  
"I see."  
"But I am the only one in this hospital, who knows your true identity, and I'd like to keep it that way."  
He straightened himself on the couch.

 _Could he use this to his advantage?  
Could he use her?_

"And I want you to know that I do want to help you," Doctor said. He raised his gaze to meet her eyes. His eyes were so emerald, his look so intense.

"Who exactly gave you these orders?"

She didn't immediately answer but looked out of the window instead. She seemed to weigh something in her mind, looking out to the grey distance. The silence felt heavy in the room. Then, she spoke quietly.  
"It is someone who cares about you. That is all you need to know."

Loki thought it had to be his mother. And he felt he had had enough of this. So he stood up, slowly and gracefully, and walked to the door, his movements cool and collected. He stopped at the door, his back facing the doctor.  
"Why were you honest with me, good doctor, about being a spy?"  
There was a moment of silence, but finally she answered.  
"It was the only way…if I ever wish you to trust me."  
Loki turned so the doctor could see his profile.  
"If you cannot help me leave this place, I do not see how you could help me."  
Then he exited the room.  
Doctor Allsop closed her eyes and sighed.

...

"You want to be home-schooled? But why now?" Alan Knowles asked his daughter.  
"You know very well why," Diana said trying to hold back her emotions. She was determined to remain firm in her decision.  
Tears began to glimmer in her eyes.  
"But I thought things had…" her father began, with a voice filled with surprise and sadness. Diana cut him off.  
"Nothing has changed in two years. Two years that should have never been. You know...Yesterday I just had enough."  
Diana was sitting by her desk, her father was in the doorway.  
"But you're only fourteen. As your father..." Mr. Knowles began.  
But in his voice she could already hear he actually understood her.  
"Yes, as my father you can support my decision to study at home. And a very good decision that is."  
Her lips were graced with the faintest of smiles.  
Mr. Knowles stood there and looked out of the window. He saw greyness, absolutely greyness. Her mind was set.

...

Loki was studying the borders of his cage. The hospital stood in the middle of a rural landscape and the grounds were mostly bordered by a stone wall. Loki had been told this wall was the border of the magic that restricted him to leave. He hovered his hand close to the cool stones, but without his magic he couldn't feel anything. He didn't risk touching it though.

He thought about how long he would have to remain here and a memory surfaced.

...

 _"Loki Odinson" Odin's voice roared majestically.  
"Laufeyson," Loki interjected.  
Odin was silent for a moment. One could almost see the weight on his shoulders.  
"Loki," he began again.  
"You are exiled to Midgard for the span of a long human life, 120 of their solar years. You will spend it in an asylum for mentally ill as we have settled with the council presenting Midgard. They have agreed to this, partly because you are still my household. And because it is proven your actions were not entirely of your own making."  
"You truly think so?" Loki said and gave his most devious smile.  
But inside of him the memory of the scepter's hold on his mind was very vivid still. But he would never acknowledge this to Odin. Never._

 _Odin walked down the steps to face him._  
 _He looked at him with his one good eye. Then, Odin glanced sideways at Frigga, who was standing not far from them. Loki knew she was crying. He could not look at her._  
 _The All-Father continued in a lower tone.  
"If we will find that your heart has changed before that, we will consider if you could serve the rest of your sentence here."_

 _..._

At this point the concept of a Midgardian mental asylum had not yet been fully clear to Loki. But the way he was welcomed on Midgard soon cleared it up for him. Having released his rage, he was straight-jacketed and put into a van with two bulky figures.

But still, all was much better compared to what had happened back when...Loki shuddered at the memory. There were places in his mind that he just didn't want to touch. After all, if the mind didn't try to protect itself...Well, one would go kind of mad.

They cut his hair shorter. He didn't like that. It made him look...younger. Like his former self. He didn't like that at all. His mirror image reminded him now too much of the days when the days were happy and idle and filled with practice of magic and jesting with Thor. But he had to admit, it did make him look ten years younger. And he did get black clothes after requesting them. There were moments when having a silver tongue didn't hurt.

He continued his stroll following the stone wall. Behind small woods, at the edge of the area, there was rather a large two-story house. Still, it had the atmosphere of a cottage. The house had its own yard that was bordered by a picket fence and partly by a smaller stone wall. The mailbox on the fence had the name 'Knowles' on it. Loki had heard this name. This house belonged to the head of the institution. Someone had thrown a Midgardian pedalled vehicle to the pathway leading to the house.

Does the sun ever appear here, Loki wondered. He had now remained in the area for a fortnight and he had not seen the sun once. It was just the grey, dull sky. He was quite bored with it. These puny mortals and their grey planet, he thought to himself.

He turned back to return to the main house and his chambers.

...

Diana was reading by her desk. Her room was located on the second floor so she had quite a nice view towards the front yard. There were some woods and rolling hills that could be seen in distance. She loved the view. Every now and then she would rest her eyes a bit and look into the distance. She was almost about to return to her book when her eyes darted back to the front yard.

 _Who was that?_

There was someone looking at their mailbox. A tall, lean figure. Diana could discern that he was probably in his twenties or thirties, all dressed in black. He couldn't quite figure out his face from this distance though.

It was not unusual that every now and then patients might walk past their house. Their yard was of course off limits and the patients understood that. Anyone who couldn't understand that wasn't even allowed to have walks on the grounds unsupervised.

The dark tall stranger continued past their house back towards the main house. Diana could see him walking in the distance. She tried to continue reading, but her eyes resisted and lifted to stare at the person's back. The way he walked was somehow different. Like he didn't quite belong to this world. Diana thought this did apply to many of the people who resided there, but still...

The stranger had soon walked into the distance and she returned back to her book.

 **...**

* * *

 ** _Thank you so much for reading. Please follow/favorite and review! Edit 08.09.2018 - Please still do - it continues to encourage me so much!  
_**


	2. Chapter 2 - Settling In

_**Hi again! I'm posting these as soon as I edit them. This is a bit shorter one...**_

 ** _Background music suggestion: Fernando Velazquez: McMichael, Crimson Peak soundtrack. Just loop it :)_**

 ** _Please do favorite/follow/review. :)_**

* * *

 **Chapter 2 - Settling In**

 _I wish I had a river so long_  
 _I would teach my feet to fly  
Oh, I wish I had a river  
I could skate away on_

 _\- Joni Mitchell: River_

 _..._

Loki had been wrapping his head around an escape plan, but he couldn't think of one. None of them would work without his magic. And Heimdall would see if he tried something...So slowly he had to admit he _truly_ was stuck there. He was not fully isolated from everything though. He was allowed to use a computer. Loki found the whole apparatus, especially the keyboard and the mouse, utterly inelegant. Everything was so plastic and lacked finesse, the feel of _real_ materials such as wood, silver and leather. Loki hated plastic. It was so Midgardian.

Loki secluded himself and made no contact with the other patients and bare minimum with the staff. The thing was, that he enjoyed his solace. Except for the insomnia. And the nightmares. And the insomnia again.

The first time he had seen the sun, nearly three weeks after his arrival, he had made a voice resembling _hmph_. Even the sun looked somehow so cold and ineffective. And then some time later the humans began to prepare for their ridiculous winter celebration with tasteless decoration and lighting spruces.

"It's winter," Dr. Allsop had said.  
"I promise it will get better. This is often the dreariest time of the year."

Loki was scheduled to meet Dr. Allsop every week. During these sessions he just lounged on her sofa and feigned ignorance.  
During the second session she had given him freedom to remain passive.  
"You said you do not believe I can help you."  
Loki's expression made her sure he wouldn't reply.  
"The thing is that in these matters…Well, no one can help you, if you don't wish to be helped. So feel free to lounge on my sofa. Also, if you want, you can take a look at my collection. You can borrow anything you want," she gestured towards the grand bookshelf.

Loki took a lazy look at the bookshelf. Then, he just lay on the sofa for an hour and left. He felt it was best to abide within the rules in some extent and he kept the arranged meetings. He anticipated, that as in most systems, he would eventually somehow benefit. Perhaps there would be perks which would make the 120 years more pleasant. Besides, he had _nothing_ better to do. Dr. Allsop would try to chat with him and she always offered him tea. Usually the Doctor then sat on her chair knitting something. Sometimes Loki would give her extremely brief replies when she asked him something.

Eventually winter turned into spring. Even the sky cleared on some days and things did get better. Later the trees blossomed and even Loki had to admit the summer was pleasant. But then the world began retreating back into cold and darkness.

...

It was already quite late and the room was dimly lit. Dr. Allsop studied Loki's profile when he was laying on the sofa again. She had almost finished the other sleeve of a sweater.

 _Such a troubled young man._

"What have you reported to my mother?" Loki suddenly broke their silence.  
Dr. Allsop was startled. It had been almost a year since he had arrived, and this was the first time _he_ had asked anything.  
"Just general things," she replied, being caught a bit off-guard, putting the knitting down.  
"But it _is_ my mother you report to?"  
She nodded and could feel he was actually going to continue. And he did.  
"When we met you told me you know who I am..." he began.  
"Well, can you tell me _who_ am I?"  
She decided to risk it.  
"Yes. You are Loki the Cunning, Prince of Asgard, a Sorcerer..."  
She paused for a moment.  
"The second son of Odin and Frigga."  
Another pause.  
"And brother of Thor."  
Loki lay silently on the sofa.  
They were both silent for a long time.

"What an elaborate lie."  
She could almost taste the poison in his words. But it had worked. He had actually said something. Dr. Allsop remained silent in her chair. Loki turned to look her straight in the eyes.  
"Do you wish to know who I _truly_ am?" he asked.  
"Yes, Loki, I do."  
He held his gaze.  
"I am…" he hissed the words between his teeth.

"An orphan."

"A monster."

"And a murderer."

His mouth was now slightly ajar, lower teeth revealed. He looked to some place in distance, perhaps to a memory. Then he seemed to regain his composure and returned to look back at the ceiling. He raised his left hand and looked at it intently. He made some small gesture that seemed to make sense only to himself.

"Whatever you are, I can see one thing." Dr. Allsop said.  
"You are hurt."

...

Seasons passed. Loki tried to maintain his physique by running. And walking. He also did exercises that ensured that his combat skills would not wither. He knew that in a hundred years or so they could be useful again. His favourite route was running the route encircling the grounds, by the stone wall.

His chambers were small but adequate. They were on the second floor of the building. A small bedroom and an adjoining bathroom. He assumed it was the deluxe suite of the place - he could be very persuasive after all. He had moved to this room six months ago. It was also closer to the library.

...

It was a summer night and Loki was still out walking in the park surrounding the main building. He had earned some liberties during his stay. Actually he amused himself with the thought that the staff treated him more like a guest than a patient. He looked at the constellations that had been so odd at first, but were slowly becoming familiar to him. And he allowed it for a second. The feeling that he everyday tucked away.

It filled him.

How he missed Frigga, his mother, the never-ending dusk of Asgard...and the scents. And the sounds. He looked at his left hand and tried to remember what it was like to conjure magic, feel it surging in his veins.

He missed magic.


	3. Chapter 3 - First Encounter of Some Kind

**_Okay, Chapter 3 ready!_**

 ** _Background music suggestion: Fernando Velazquez: Buffalo, Crimson Peak soundtrack. Just loop it :)_**

 ** _Pleeeeease favorite/follow/review! Pretty please?:)_**

* * *

 **Chapter 3 - First Encounter of Some Kind**

 _Somebody told me love's a beautiful thing_  
 _And when I found it all the bells would just ring_  
 _The sun would shine and all the birds would sing_  
 _Then I met you_

 _\- Alice Cooper: Love Should Never Feel Like This_

 _..._

"Watch where you're going!" Loki shouted as a bicycle approached him and nearly hit him. He fell to the side of the lane to get out of the way. The girl who was riding the contraption, stopped it abruptly and jumped off.  
"I'm so sorry!" she screamed and rushed to him, kneeling next to him.  
"Are you hurt?"  
She was a child. Or adolescent or whatever these not yet mature creatures were called.  
"Despite your effort to hurt me, I am," Loki retorted with anger.  
"I am so _so_ sorry," the girl said panting. "Can I help you up?"  
" _No_ , you cannot," Loki said in a cold voice.

Despite this refusal the girl remained next to him when he lifted himself up. She barely reached his shoulders. Her very adolescent appearance was dominated by black, both in her clothes and in her hair.

"You're from the hospital, aren't you?" she asked.  
Loki didn't answer but was trying to get most the dirt off his black wool jacket.  
Then he turned to walk towards the main building, ignoring the girl.

 _The petty creature was now following him._

"I'd like to clean that jacket. It's my fault after all that it's dirty."  
He was walking in long strides and she had to run in order to keep up.  
"As you wish," Loki finally said icily.  
At the entrance he took the jacket off, folded it carefully and handed it to the girl.  
"I will return it tomorrow."  
"You'd better," he replied and went inside.

...

Diana now stood there on the top of the stairs with the coat of the tall dark stranger. She walked back to her bike and picked it up, the jacket wrapped under her other arm. It was a really nice jacket, really nice quality. She thought the man had seemed a bit rude. Not that she could blame him. She had been reckless. But she had apologized _at least t_ wo times.

At home Diana cleaned the jacket thoroughly. She even researched how to clean a wool jacket so that she wouldn't ruin it. She couldn't help noticing that there was something in the pocket. She was dying to look what it was but she didn't do it. It would have just felt wrong.

Yes, she had immediately realized who he was. After that first time, when she had seen him looking at their mailbox, she had seen him many times from her window during the past two years. But never had their paths actually crossed on the grounds. Her father didn't want her lounging there, in the large park of the hospital. He preferred that she stayed in their own courtyard or spent time in the little town that was five minutes' bike-ride away. Where her school had been. Diana had also noticed the man had not attended any seasonal party for the patients in the gathering hall. She was sometimes there, and that was the other place where they could have met.

...

The next day Diana walked up to the main building. She had not told her father because she didn't want to confess she was running over patients with her bike. The staff knew her so she could just walk right in. She had no idea what was the name of the person who owned the jacket.

"Amanda," she called one of the nurses whom she saw in the lobby.  
"Hello Diana. What brings you here? Did you come to see your father?"  
"Actually no. Could you help me? This jacket belongs to one of the patients. I would need to return it to him, but I do not know his name."  
Amanda looked slightly baffled. Then she looked at the jacket.  
"Oh, it must belong to Mr. Laufeyson."  
"Mr. Laufeyson?"  
And then suddenly someone arrived to the lobby. It was him.  
As if he somehow knew she was here.  
"Loki, Diana here has your jacket."

 _Loki. What a peculiar name._

She could see that Amanda was expecting some explanation how this came to be, that she was returning his jacket. She could also see that at least Mr. Laufeyson, or Loki, was not going to give her this explanation. Actually, she could've sworn he enjoyed Amanda's unquenched thirst for information.

Diana offered the jacket.  
"I'm so sorry about yesterday. There you are," she said and looked him in the eyes.  
And what eyes they were.  
Emerald.  
"It's quite alright. Thank you," he said most courteously and took the jacket.

 _He seems to be no longer angry. Good._

"I'm afraid we weren't properly introduced yesterday," he said holding his gaze.  
"My name is Loki Laufeyson. May I ask who _you_ are, milady?"

 _Milady? For real?  
_

"Diana Knowles," she answered a bit warily.  
Mr. Laufeyson's lips curved into a small smile. And then he did it. It truly felt to Diana that the following happened in slow motion. Mr. Laufeyson took her hand, lifted it and pressed his thin lips very gently on her knuckles.  
"It was such a pleasure running _into_ _you_ , Miss Knowles _,_ " he said most charmingly.  
Diana noticed there was a mischievous glimpse in his eyes. For a split second he looked at Amanda, just so that Diana registered it, and she immediately understood what he was implying.  
"Believe me, the pleasure was _all_ _mine_ ," she said before she could even stop herself.  
His smile grew wider.  
Then it was over. He gently let go of her hand and gave a small bow.  
"Good evening ladies," he said and left towards the staircase.  
Diana couldn't help but staring at his back. Amanda was looking at him too.  
"He is peculiar, isn't he?"

 _Indeed he was._

"Oh, the time. I have to go," Diana said and rushed out of the lobby.

His touch had been cool. Not sweaty and cool.  
More like breath mints incarnated.

...

Loki was walking back to his room. He shook his head in disbelief.

 _This was his way to entertain himself now?  
_ _Madness_.

"Heimdall, please do not look at me now," he muttered.

...

Diana was truly succeeding in home-schooling herself. Of course her father helped but she had the determination. There was just one thing in her life that still sometimes troubled her...Herself. And that's why she often wanted to distract herself from herself. She would read, write, study, sing or visit the library. Anything to take her mind off herself. But she thought it was getting much better now though. It was now only a fear of something resurfacing that luckily had not surfaced for a long time.

Diana's father had some years ago finally fully told her how her mother had suffered from schizophrenia. She had given up...and they had lost her. Diana had been only five. Back then his father had only told her that she died of an illness, and as a child she had not understood to ask more. Those had been difficult years but luckily after them there had been better years. But then four years ago, when they moved to this hospital, _it_ began...Her conscience went haywire blaming her for the oddest things and tried to pin her down. Often when she was lying in her bed, she felt a weight inside of her, somewhere close to her heart. And those moments she felt she lost all faith...In the future...In herself.

But now everything was so much better. And now...She had a dream. She wanted to go to the university, definitely to one of the more distinguished ones, and study the Classics. For she loved stories, history and all things ancient.

It was so nice to have a dream, she thought.

...

"She would really need a tutor now. Someone who could help her," Alan Knowles said dining with Elaine Allsop at the staff dining hall. She was eating her soup opposite him.  
"What about Mr. Laufeyson?" Dr. Allsop said carefully with a gentle voice.  
"You mean Loki? Why do you think he would…?"  
"You know he is a scholar. He has a very sharp mind."  
Mr. Knowles was contemplating something.  
"I do know that indeed…But I do still remember his arrival."  
"Yes, I know it was dramatic. He does have a flare for that...But time has passed. I can tell you he is not dangerous at all now."  
Mr. Knowles furrowed his brow.  
"Of course I trust your assessment Elaine, but it's just that…I don't know if he's a good influence for a young girl."  
Dr. Allsop acknowledged his concern.  
"I understand, Alan, but all I can say is that I'm sure he could help Diana right into _any_ university."  
Mr. Knowles felt conflicted. This was Diana's one dream. It seemed so important to her...  
"Why would he even do it?"  
"To be perfectly honest, because he is bored," Dr. Allsop said and took a sip of water.  
Mr. Knowles nodded.  
"I could see how that could happen. Speaking of which, Elaine, may I ask you something? I know that we've discussed this in the past...But when we review Loki's situation, you remain firm in your position that we should not encourage him to try living outside this institution. Can you tell me why you think this way? Because it sounds like you now acknowledge he could manage that."  
Dr. Allsop suddenly had a stern look in her eyes.  
"It is actually _he_ who _wishes_ to stay here. Loki does not feel ready for the world. And you know of the contract we have with his trust fund...Still, I do believe he could be a very good tutor. "  
"Fair enough. And yes, I am aware he can stay here as long as he likes."  
Dr. Allsop couldn't help shivering inside when he said that. And for a second she hesitated whether she had made a mistake suggesting Loki as a tutor...But she was trusting her instinct. She knew both Loki and Diana, and she had a strong feeling this could lead to something beneficial for both of them.


	4. Chapter 4 - Loki the Tutor

_**Chapter 4, here we go! Warning, the intro song lyrics has just a little bit of coarse language but it was just too perfect for this chapter. Because this is how Diana sees Loki at this point.**_

 _ **Please favorite/follow/review! You know you want to ;)**_

* * *

 **Chapter 4 - Loki the Tutor**

 _You're a beautiful  
A beautiful fucked up man  
You're setting up your  
Razor wire shrine_

 _'Cause you're working  
Building a mystery  
Holding on and holding it in  
Yeah you're working  
Building a mystery_

 _-Sarah McLachlan: Building a Mystery_

 _..._

"Help your daughter?" Loki echoed the words of Mr. Knowles.  
"Yes. I know this is an odd thing to even suggest. But having observed you these years and being aware of your talents, this idea came to my mind and I wished to propose it."

Loki was at Mr. Knowles' office, sitting in the chair by his desk. From the tall window opposite him, he could see the sky and the distant landscape. It was early spring. He leaned back in his chair and lifted his index finger to his lips. This was the creature that had nearly run over him. What if she was this annoying always?

"And what was it that she wishes to pursue?"  
"The Classics."  
"I see.  
Loki was pondering.  
"Well, the subject _is_ right up my alley. We can try this arrangement, but I _cannot_ promise it will work out."  
"Of course. But I am grateful that you will try. The study sessions could happen at the library here."  
Loki nodded.  
"And as I told you, I will naturally compensate your effort. You will have the possibility to order whatever that would make your stay more pleasant here. With certain limitations of course."  
"Why of course. I will consider what that could be," Loki replied courteously.

They shook hands and set the time of the first tutoring lesson.

Perhaps there was something to gain from this, Loki thought instinctively. He would be doing a favor to the leader of this miniature realm. And he basically had nothing to lose. Except his time. And he had to face it, he had plenty of it. His days were long and his nights were often even longer. His mind and heart were still trying to understand and process everything that had happened to him, and this occurred often in the form of nightmares...

...

"So I'm going to tutor you, Miss Knowles."  
Her father had set them up in the secluded corner of the library that had a large desk. She had her black hair tied to the back. He suspected it was not her natural colour. There was something colourwise strange going on with her hair.

"Yes, I think we established that," Diana said. If she was honest, she had been hurt by her father's suggestion, but promised to try, because she did value his opinion. Nevertheless, she did feel disappointed he didn't think she could manage it alone anymore...And so Diana had been in a foul mood that entire morning. And yes, anxious about meeting Loki Laufeyson again.  
"What's in this for you?" she asked sounding annoyed and immediately scoffed herself for being so blunt...Human interaction wasn't perhaps her thing.  
Loki shrugged.  
"Perhaps I'm in it for the _fun_ ," he said surprising Diana by baring his teeth in a wicked smile.

 _I guess...She could try playing this game._

"You're scary," Diana said exactly what she thought.  
"I guess I am, aren't I?" Loki said calmly walking next to the desk, not seeming offended by her comment. More amused actually. He realized he had actually missed interaction with someone new, even if it was her.  
"Well, I'm being tutored by a scary person in an asylum, lucky me," Diana said almost to herself. And this time she was embarrassed that she had sounded so...adolescent.  
"A very intelligent scary person, I might add," Loki said a bit absent-mindedly browsing the books on the table. These were the works they were going to delve into.  
"Not to mention modest," Diana muttered under her breath.

 _Not again. She felt she couldn't control her mouth with this person._

"I heard that you little brat," Loki said grinning.

 _Yes, they had definitely started off with the right foot._

"I thought you Midgardians have schools. Why aren't you in one of them?"  
His sudden question startled Diana, but she tried not to show it.  
"Why do you care?"  
"Well, I'm your tutor. I feel I should know _why_ I am your tutor."

 _Just spit it out._

"Okay. I hated school and decided not to go there anymore."  
"Why did you hate school?"

 _Why couldn't he shut up already?_

"Why did I hate school?"  
"Yes. I just asked that."  
"I just hated it."  
"You really don't wish to discuss this topic, do you?" Loki asked looking at her and tilting his head.  
"How did you guess that?" Diana said feigning surprise.  
"Fine. And actually I do not care."  
"I knew it."  
Loki took one of the books, Ulysses, in his hand.  
"So answer me this, why do you wish to study the Classics?"

What he had learned of Midgard, the Classics was something adolescents, teenagers or whatever they were called, were not usually interested in.

"I started with fairytales and moved to stronger substances."

Loki raised his eyebrow. She was amusing in her own way. Obviously a bit lost with herself.  
Well, what was he to say.

"My turn," Diana began.  
Mr. Laufeyson didn't seem that scary to her anymore. Just weird.  
"Loki is a strange name. Is it your real one?"  
She had honestly thought about this ever since she heard the name.  
"Yes, it is my real name."  
"Are you Norwegian?"  
"I'm not. I am actually from Asgard. But I was originally born on Jotunheim."  
He said this in a matter-of-fact tone.

 _Why bother lying to her.  
She thinks I'm mad anyway._

Diana nodded. She knew very well those were imaginary places.  
Yep, this was an asylum after all.

...

Despite their slightly awkward start, the study sessions did begin to work out. They were both so focused on the subjects. One day they were in the garden on the side of the main building, having a break. It was a lovely little orchard. Loki was sitting down in the shade of a tree. Diana was sitting on the lawn not that far from him.

"So what's your story?" Diana suddenly asked.  
"Now do you _really_ wish to know?" Loki asked with a smirk.  
She nodded.

 _He might as well have a bit of fun.  
Perhaps a shock effect?  
Well, why not..._

Loki leaned on the tree behind him, closing his eyes.  
"Well, to begin with, as an infant my real parents _abandoned me to die,_ to freeze to death, on Jotunheim, the realm of the frost giants, _jötnar_ that is...For I was deemed too small."  
He could see it took a second for the words to sink in.

 _Yes, it startled her.  
This sad, mad origin._

"But I did not die...Then, my adoptive parents, who happen to be the very king and queen of Asgard, the realm eternal as you might know, _lied_ to me of my true identity till my adulthood."  
Loki held a small pause and looked a bit downwards, his long dark lashes hiding his eyes. He felt very detached from everything he had said. And he actually forgot to even look at her reaction...  
"So imagine _my_ _shock_ when I found out I wasn't an Aesir like them but a jotun."  
He couldn't believe how easily these things had rolled off his tongue. And all this he had said in a deadpan, dead-serious tone.  
"So to finish my story short, this revelation among many other things led to the fact that I eventually tried to _take over and enslave_ this realm, Midgard. But I failed so my punishment is to remain here for yet another 118 years."

He knew he had left most parts out, like what happened with Thor, one attempted suicide, the destruction he had caused on Earth, but he _still_ felt it covered quite a lot of ground. Loki stood up and brushed some grass off his dark jeans. Diana stared at him, forgetting to blink. Her expression said more than a thousand words. Looking at her reaction, it sank in. His life had been madness. Even this extremely edited version of it. He actually felt a bit bad now. Diana had to be scared now because she must have actually thought he is completely and utterly insane.

"Why 118 years? It's an odd number," Diana finally asked.  
"That is _all_ you can ask?" Loki couldn't help a smile rising on his lips.  
She nodded.  
"Well, it's because I've already been here two years."  
"Right." Diana's mouth worded almost without a sound.  
"Right" she said again with more determination and a nod.  
She was scribbling something in her notebook.  
"We should continue the study session, Lady Diana," Loki said.  
He guessed that would normalize things a bit.  
"Don't call me that," Diana said and winced.  
"Why not? It's a polite way to call a lady where I come from," Loki asked looking slightly confused.  
"It just sounds like someone…You surely know. Please just call me just Diana, okay?"  
"Certainly," he said and offered her a hand to raise her off the ground not having a clue what she was talking about.  
They were walking back to the building when a question occurred to him.  
"Can you tell me how old are you, Diana?"  
He was very bad at guessing the age of mortals. He was curious in a way.  
"I'm seventeen" she said.  
"Is that a good age?" He wasn't quite sure why he asked this.  
"No"  
"Why?"  
"It is a strange transitory stage where you are not yet adult but no longer a child."  
"I see."

Loki knew that as a part of the spell of concealment none would wonder his age. He would see the mortals age and yet he would not do the same. He was over a thousand years old. He guessed that eventually he would view this exile, which would barely last over a century, just one experience among others, a minor detour in his life. He knew still had at least three thousand years of life ahead of him. If a battle or something else would not end it before that.

Inside they began to draw up a more detailed plan how to get her into the university of her dreams.

...

Loki didn't find Diana entirely hopeless. Her mind was actually quite quick and adept to learn. He noticed she was always wearing black clothes that covered her entire body, even in the summer. This created a stark contrast with her fair skin. Loki thought to himself someone could've thought that they were related. There was that sort of similarity in their appearances. They could've been perhaps cousins. Although he was now sure the colour of her hair was artificial.

"What exactly is a jotun, a frost giant?" Diana asked.  
"Excuse me?" Loki was surprised by her sudden question.  
"You once said you're not an Aesir but a frost giant."  
"Read your Norwegian mythology and you'll find out." Loki answered.  
"Anyway, do you write down everything that I say?"  
"Are you asking if I have a diary? Yes, I do have. And anyway, I actually did some research on your namesake."  
"He is not my namesake. I actually _am_ him." Loki interjected.  
That day he just wanted to mess with her.  
"Sorry, I forgot" she said deadpan."So I googled _you_."  
"You _googled_ me?" Loki actually knew what that meant but the words just sounded so ridiculous. Midgardians were often ridiculous. Loki shook his head.  
"Ah, let me guess...You found _the stories_. I mean, you jest at a Viking once, maybe twice, and you'll never hear the end of it. They just blow the whole thing out of proportion."  
Diana looked at him wide-eyed.  
"But I have to give it to your kind, you mortals do have such wild imaginations...But please, just do not believe everything you read. And that's a good advice in general."  
"Yes, that actually is," Diana nodded and smiled.

...

"Dad, I know you're not allowed to talk about patients...But could you tell me what's Loki Laufeyson's story?"  
"Diana. You _are_ right, I am not allowed to talk about patients. It's a different thing if he tells you himself."  
"Okay, the thing is...and don't get me wrong. He's a brilliant tutor, I mean, he _knows_ his stuff. But everyone now and then, like when we have breaks, he says all these crazy things. Like he's actually Loki, from another realm."  
"Well, yes, I thought we had discussed that he has this delusion."  
"Father, cross my heart and hope to die, I will never tell anyone if you shed some light who he actually is."  
"You must understand your request is a serious one. All that information is confidential."  
"Alright. I won't pry then," she said defeated.  
Her father's expression softened.  
"Okay, I can tell a few things on some extremely general level. But you can _never_ let him know you know, you understand?"  
Diana was silent for a moment and knitted her brow.  
"Actually Dad, forget it. Now that I think about it, I don't want to know. He has to have some sick, sad past to be that messed up…And I don't want to pretend around him. I'll just take him as he is."  
"Alright then. I suppose that is a good approach, my dear" Mr. Knowles said giving her kiss on her forehead.  
"And if you want to quit the whole tutoring thing, just tell me. Immediately."  
"I don't. Good night, Dad."

...

"Diana, this was rubbish." Loki said pressing her essay in a tight ball and throwing it into a trash bin.  
"W-what?"  
"I know you can write a better one."  
She stood there her mouth open.  
"This is your method? Haven't you heard? You put the negative feedback between two positive feedbacks and present it as a "feedback sandwich".  
While saying the last two words she actually made the quotation marks with her fingers.  
"You _do_ _not_ make paper balls out of essays. In fact, you're traumatizing me as we speak."  
He just rolled his eyes.  
"Rubbish."  
The next words he just mouthed without voice.  
"You. Can. Do. Better."

Despite all their occasional bantering she thought it was the best summer of her life, her summer with Loki. For some odd reason, his presence repelled her distress. He pushed her forward and she had found new courage. And it was with this new sensation that she thought maybe a change would do her good. She applied to become an exchange student overseas.

Diana had to admit Loki was...awesome. There was no other word for it. And yet, he was not aware of it. She could sense this. There was a thick layer of self-loath there. Diana often thought of that story he had told in that orchard. His story of abandonment, betrayal and failure - although put in imaginative words, reflected his true suffering. He had been hurt badly. And then there was his dry humour. He could be so deadpan. Only the slightest flicker in the corner of his eye - which she imagined he could also control - gave away his true demeanor.

From Loki's point of view, with Diana he could more openly scoff Midgard and their strange manners. Yes, she thought he was crazy but acted like his comments were part of a normal conversation. He had to admit, almost involuntarily, that he had needed some company after all. Some mission. And perhaps helping this Midgardian girl, who apparently loved the colour black, to fulfil her dream could be it.

In these thoughts Loki shook his head. What had happened to him? But she was somehow so harmless, so innocent. He actually wanted to help her.

 _He had become...so soft._

...

"How do you actually know all these things?" Diana asked.  
"Well, I myself received a very good education." Loki stated.

He must've been a son of a high class family, Diana thought. This was of course no surprise, she had always heard it in his voice. It wasn't the most typical accent of aristocracy, but it was that definitely aristocratic. Perhaps his parents weren't British.

"And at heart of my education was building a logical, sound mind. One that could face any mental challenge," Loki said and closed the book he was holding.  
"And why might you be snickering?" he asked noticing her reaction to his words.  
"It's nothing."  
"Tell me. Now," he ordered with such authority she had to comply.  
"It was that bit you said about the sound mind. I'm _so_ sorry. Mental hospital humor." she said.  
He rolled his eyes.  
But a smile tucked the corner of this lip.

It was early August. They had been discussing some poetry at the library of the main house. And later he was trying to teach her to debate. Now he was walking her back to the house. It was a late summer evening, a lovely dusk.

"I wanted to tell you something." Diana began.  
"I'm going to leave soon. In four weeks in fact. I'm going to the States, as an exchange student"  
"As an exchange student?"  
He had no idea what this meant.  
"I applied to study there for one year," she said.

Loki actually felt something sunk inside himself when she had declared this. After all, he had spent a lot of time with during the past three months. He had justified this to himself by saying that she was her Midgardian pet. But somewhere deep down inside he knew that he couldn't quite belittle her like that.

"I'll return before next summer. I know you might not be here anymore when I return. I guess you're getting better now."

Loki shrugged.  
"You never know."  
Although he knew very well.  
He was going nowhere.  
And somewhere in that thought that they would meet again, he felt...Was it hope?

...

She asked him to visit her the day she was leaving. She had actually asked him to visit her home which he had never done. Loki hesitated since he wasn't sure if her house was inside the limits of his mobility. But for some odd reason, which he didn't even understand himself, he risked it. At the door he had truly dreaded, but luckily the house was within the area he was allowed to enter. He didn't get magically fried.

Diana invited him to sit in the kitchen and poured some tea. They seemed to consume a lot of this hot liquid here in this realm. She had some that contained lemon and bergamot - it was actually his favourite. They had a comfortable chat about what she planned to during her voyage. He actually enjoyed her enthusiasm.

Finally, Loki was departing back to the main house.  
"I wish you all the best, Diana."  
He was already turning to leave to the door.  
"Wait. I wanted to ask you something," he heard Diana's voice.  
Loki turned around and looked at her. She seemed a bit anxious. He noted that there was a small piece of paper in her hand. She was fiddling its corner nervously.  
"This is the address where I'm staying…" she began and lowered her gaze to the paper.  
"I was just wondering if you could drop me a line sometime. I know you don't like computers so I figured this old-fashioned style could suit you."  
Loki was slightly surprised by her request. On Asgard he had written quite a lot of letters, many matters of diplomacy were trusted to him because of his eloquence. But now he didn't even remember when he had last written a letter. Somehow this forgotten art form almost called him. So he nodded.  
"Indeed, I think it would suit us well," he said.  
A very small genuine smile rose to his lips and he took the little piece of paper that she offered to him.  
"Great," was all Diana said. But her eyes shot to his and there was an instant gaiety in them. This was apparently of some importance to her.

The breeze of the late summer evening was still warm. Loki unfolded the paper while walking down the lane. With her own unique handwriting, which he found rather pleasing and easy to read, there was an address that was located in New York.

 _New York._

He was happy she was no longer there to see the darkness that rose in his heart. A feeling of darkness that even reached his face when he read those two words.


	5. Chapter 5 - Absence

**_So Chapter 5 it is. There's going to be a dark moment here...I listened to a lot of Depeche Mode's 'In Your Room' when I wrote this (the version from The Singles 86-98)._**

 ** _Background music suggestion: Fernando Velazquez: Finale, Crimson Peak soundtrack. Yes, just loop it :)_**

 ** _Please follow/favorite/review!_**  
 ** _Lots of love to each and everyone who is reading this. And tea and biscuits :)_**

* * *

 **Chapter 5 – Absence**

 _In your room_  
 _Your burning eyes_  
 _Cause flames to arise_  
 _Will you let the fire die down soon_  
 _Or will I always be here_  
 _  
Your favourite passion_  
 _Your favourite game_  
 _Your favourite mirror_  
 _Your favourite slave  
_  
 _I'm hanging on your words_  
 _Living on your breath_  
 _Feeling with your skin_  
 _Will I always be here_

 _\- Depeche Mode: In Your Room_

 _..._

Diana's departure unravelled something inside Loki.

During the first two years of his exile, he had built a rigid structure for his life. It was consciously so rigid he didn't have time to dwell on the past. Instead, he tried very much to live in the present, even if it was extremely boring, and practice his mind by reading. He also spent a lot of time blaming Thor, Odin and even Frigga. Not to mention how much he scoffed, whined and complained about Midgard in his mind.

But then…He had begun to tutor Diana. And his system had broken. Loki had prepared a curriculum for her and he turned out to be a most dedicated tutor. He knew Diana had been impressed, and there were even times he had felt…excited about his task. But now, when he tried to return to his former routine, he could not. Instead, his room felt like a cell, and even more, his mind felt like one. Somehow Loki could no longer avoid thinking about the past and there was a constant oppressive feeling paining him. Loki even waited the sessions with Dr. Allsop…Even if he was incapable of opening up about anything, on her couch he felt some comfort. At least in that room he was not alone. He also knew he was so good in hiding his pain that Dr. Allsop could not read him.

Yes, Loki did in fact remember _everything_. Many memories were different though, hollow…The ones distorted by the scepter. Others were very vivid. In fact, he remembered those moments when he had lied to Thor and sent the Destroyer to New Mexico much more clearer than his attack to New York, or events in Stuttgart. He seemed to remember especially well those moments when he had truly been blinded by real anger, bitterness and most of all envy.

It had been only two weeks since Diana left but for Loki the days had felt like an eternity. He desperately tried to find distractions. He even used _the internet_ , but as usual was depressed by what he found there. He needed…something purer. Then remembered the record player he had seen in Dr. Allsop's room. And although he had requested some things as a compensation for the tutorship, Mr. Knowles had made it clear he could still ask for more. So Loki asked for a record player and it just so happened that Mr. Knowles had one he didn't need. So one evening Loki found himself back at the cottage-like large house, in the living room waiting for Mr. Knowles to retrieve the device. He was just standing there waiting when something caught his eye... Diana's picture on the bookshelf. Loki took it without thinking and looked at it closer. She looked younger in it, her hair was not black but a dark brown. She was smiling. Seeing her image made Loki realize…He already missed her, _his Midgardian pet._

Alan Knowles had told Loki he no longer needed the player because he had moved on to the digital age. Yes, he had tried to sound modern…But the real reason was that it reminded him too much of Esther...his wife. It took him back to all the evenings they had listened to records together. And this was the very reason he had thirteen years ago carried the player to the attic.

Mr. Knowles returned to the room carrying a rather large brown box. Loki quickly put Diana's picture back. He soon found out that the box contained not only the record player but quite a lot of records, mostly classical music. There was a lot of of Schubert and many operas...Loki spent the rest of the evening listening to the records in his room. He liked the sound and feel of them. They somehow comforted him.

Loki was not prepared for what awaited him the night that followed. A new nightmare. It began in Stuttgart again, when he was about to pierce Dr. Schafer's eye. This was a reoccurring part he saw often. Loki could feel what he had felt, his core being a vortex of ruthlessness and rage, with the scepter in his hand, holding the man down on the cold surface of a statue. In cold blood he plunged the device into the man's eye and looked around him enjoying the chaos he had erupted. But then, the dream diverted from the previous ones...When he looked back down, something was different. He saw Diana, blood dripping from her dark brown hair, his own hand still holding the device in her eye...Loki froze at the sight and felt his soul got sucked into an endless void of panic. Loki woke up feeling bile rising in his throat, shivering in cold sweat. He lay awake on his bed, numb and shocked, till the morning.

The following day he had another session with Dr. Allsop. She was knitting something new, something pink. Loki was still shaken from the dream...And he found that something forced itself out of him. It was actually six words that left his mouth.  
"I had a nightmare last night."  
Dr. Allsop's eyes immediately rose from her knitting.  
He could _feel_ how carefully she contemplated her next words.  
"I am so sorry to hear that. Would you like to tell me more about it?" she finally asked softly.  
Loki swallowed.  
"I…hurt someone."  
The words hung in the air, almost painfully.  
Finally Dr. Allsop broke the silence.  
"It must have been truly horrible."  
She had such empathy in her voice.  
"It was," was all Loki could say.  
There was a long silence. Loki could feel Dr. Allsop was giving him space to continue. But he was unable to say anything.  
"Loki, do you often have nightmares?"  
"I do," Loki said closing his eyes.  
"Could you tell me something about them?"  
His lips were a tight line.  
"They are about the past..."  
He sighed.  
"About the things I have done."  
Dr. Allsop nodded.

…

It had been about a month since Diana had left. Loki was on his bed, staring at the ceiling trying to think about something abstract, when there was a knock on his door. He had been staring at the ceiling a lot lately. When Loki opened the door, nurse Amanda was there.  
"Good afternoon Loki, this came for you," she said handing him a letter.  
Soon Loki sat on the bed opening the letter. He read the first lines.

 _"Dear Loki,  
I know we didn't actually settle which of us should write first…"  
_  
It was Diana. He had already thought she had forgotten him. Loki read the letter not only once, but two times back to back. For her words felt like rays of light.

After reading the letter once more Loki sat down by his desk. He had actually already acquired all he would need, just in case, so he just took them from the drawer. The ink. The parchment. The quill pen. He took the pen in his hand, furrowing his brow, finally dipping it in ink. And so he began to write...and suddenly inside himself, he began to find something he thought he had lost.

...

Diana loved New York. But almost as much, she loved Loki's letters. They were written on thick paper of rather a large size, always folded in the neatest way. The material was closer to parchment than the boring paper that is commonly used. Also, his postage fees seemed to be higher because of his paper. And yes, he definitely used a real quill pen.

And the way Loki wrote...His first letters had a lot of descriptions of nature, details and seasons. Sometimes of people too. Diana thought he could bring even the most minute boring thing into life in such a way it amazed her. And apparently Loki had befriended Diana's father in some way, since he was mentioned every now and then. Diana couldn't help noticing something strange about the timing though. Her father's name began to appear more in his letters after...Yes, after she had worded her concern for him.

Diana visited a certain bookshop in SoHo to find this paper she felt that would match the one he used. It was Japanese, with soft, graceful texture. She did not use a quill but a fine liner with dark ink that was the darkest green. And that was because. Yes, she had to admit it, only because he had once mentioned green was his favourite colour. So she wanted to write her words in that colour. Almost hide it there. She knew it was foolish. But she couldn't help feeling...That he was the most interesting being - crazy or not - and she just could not avoid feeling drawn to him.

She had done the age math in her head, Loki could not be interested in her in that way. But it wasn't just the math. She had come to the conclusion that he might be an asexual person. And also, she knew that some drugs could shut down a person that way. When she thought about this, he had never done, said or written anything that implied he had a sexual side in him. And if she was honest with herself, she didn't consider herself the most sexual being on earth...Her experiences with the boys at school had definitely made her shield herself from the opposite sex.

...

Yes, Loki knew the spell of concealment should work, but still he was concerned. Diana's brains would never make the necessary connections, but...she was _there_. Where it had actually happened. The battle he lost. Where his madness was fully unleashed. The destruction.

He waited for her letters, actually calculating when the next might come. And when it came he always read it several times. Her style of writing had levity, warmth and joy that he welcomed into his life. But later that year Diana began writing about the projects she had at the high school. They had volunteered helping with the rebuilding programmes in the city. These were social projects, involving people that had directly or indirectly suffered from the attack…Reading about these things made Loki's stomach turn. He often wanted to stop reading, but something inside him prevented him from doing it. He wanted to suffer. Then, Loki began to see a lot of nightmares about the events in New York. He told about some of them to Dr. Allsop, never going into details. But it did ease his pain.

Later that year Loki also had another dream about Diana. In this one he was shouting at her.

 _"Kneel, you mewling quim!"_

He would keep shouting this to her, over and over again. And Diana would just look at him, calmly, and keep standing there. She had no intention of complying to his order. This became a new reoccurring dream, and whenever Loki saw it, he was always relieved she never knelt.

During that winter Loki approached Mr. Knowles with the intention to befriend him. This was because Diana had mentioned she was worried that his father might be lonely. Loki had observed the doctor and learned his interests so he could easily strike a conversation with him. And to his surprise, he actually enjoyed these conversations. Mr. Knowles was a very bright cultured man and Loki could sense he had missed someone to converse with. And to be honest, he had too.

Finally, it was spring again. Writing to Diana seemed to Loki the most worthwhile thing in his life. One afternoon he was writing another letter by his desk when he noticed a bird with an orange breast landing on one of the branches close to his window.

 _This was...a robin.  
He knew the name of this bird._

And the plump little bird just sat there, like it was waiting for something. Half in his thoughts, Loki took a parchment and began drawing it with the quill pen. The bird just sat there, posing for him. It amused Loki. Soon he had finished the drawing, just in time before the model flew away. Then he just looked at what he had done, surprised by himself...He had not drawn for years. It was something he had done a long, long time ago, as a boy and a young man, by his desk in Asgard. He looked at the picture. And then, he took another parchment, dipped his pen in the ink...and began to draw again.

…


	6. Chapter 6 - A Worthy Opponent

**_Hello again. This time. Something. Sweeter.  
Painting again with lighter colours in this chapter._**

 ** _Background music suggestion: It's been a while so Patrick Doyle: Science and Magic, Thor soundtrack.  
Yes, looping it is always a good idea ;)_**

 ** _Please favorite/follow/review! And wait, here's a chocolate chip cookie. I baked them just for you...Thank you for reading :)_**

* * *

 **Chapter 6 - A Worthy Opponent**

 _Tale as old as time_  
 _True as it can be_  
 _Barely even friends_  
 _Then somebody bends_  
 _Unexpectedly_

 _Just a little change_  
 _Small, to say the least_  
 _Both a little scared_  
 _Neither one prepared_  
 _Beauty and the Beast_

 _\- Alan Menken, Howard Ashman: Beauty and the Beast_

…

It was the first day of June. Loki knew Diana's plane would land that morning and he found himself waiting for her. So he read on his windowsill where he could observe the courtyard. The vehicles were always parked by the main building, and therefore Loki knew they would come there first. Finally, around noon, Dr. Knowles' car arrived and at once Loki put his book down. He saw Diana getting out of the car, and to his surprise, she immediately looked at his window. Her face lit up and she raised her hand, waving at him. Loki waved back, feeling a bit tense. Diana gestured him to come down and she began walking towards the entrance. Loki left his room to meet her.

Their paths crossed at the main lobby. Diana walked up to him looking excited.  
"Hi Loki! It's so good to see you!"  
And then, she threw her arms around him. Loki was stunned. He just stood there, returning the hug in the most awkward way. Almost in a panic, he extracted himself from it as quickly as he politely could. He bowed slightly constructing a controlled expression.  
"Diana, it is good to see you too."  
She was smiling.  
"Thank you so much for writing to me," she said.

 _It is so strange to see her._  
 _And so strange to hear her._

Loki replied the first thing that came to his mind. For some reason his tongue seemed more lead than silver that moment.  
"Truly, it was no trouble. I have had plenty of time...And Dr. Allsop says it is good I have hobbies."  
Diana nodded.  
"Right, of course...My father is actually waiting so I have to go now. But see you later, Loki."  
She rushed out leaving Loki confused. She had just come and gone like that. He did have time to notice she looked older now, resembling more like an adult. But not that different.

…

"I have had _plenty_ of time. And Dr. Allsop says it's good I have _hobbies_."  
Diana was mockingly muttering Loki's words while angrily unpacking her suitcases.

 _She had been what?_  
 _A hobby to him?_

Diana felt so offended. She had been so excited about seeing him...She took a deep breath.

 _Calm down. Writing had been his hobby, not her._  
 _What's wrong with having writing letters as a hobby?_  
 _Nothing. Calm down._  
 _Why did he get under her skin this way?_

...

Diana decided she still wanted to ask Loki to be her tutor. Because she knew he could help her. Especially with writing essays. And Latin. After sleeping over it, she decided to seek him out. The opportunity came the next day when she saw Loki's dark form from her window, running past their house. Diana rushed downstairs, put her sneakers on and began running to the direction that would intersect his route. About five minutes later she was sitting on a park bench, panting.

When Loki saw her from the distance, he slowed down and began to walk. He looked amused.  
"Have you taken up running?" he asked when he was finally close to her.  
"I haven't but I should..." Diana said, still out of breath.  
She didn't even have to ask him. He sat down next to her.

 _This is so strange._  
 _He is right there._

Diana took a breath.  
"Loki, I actually wanted to ask you something…"  
She turned towards him.  
"Would you still like to tutor me? I have my A-levels this year, remember?"  
"Ah, yes…"  
He seemed serious, pondering her request.  
"Well...If you promise to follow my new tutoring rules, then yes."  
Diana knitted her brow.  
"And what would those new rules be?"  
"Total submission to my tutorship and never questioning my authority…Nothing _too_ difficult," he said deadpan.

 _Yes. It had been there just for a second._  
 _In the corner of his eye._  
 _The smile._

A moment after Loki had stated his request he actually became serious. His own words had reminded him of the recurring nightmare with Diana...And he internally shuddered. This issue of submission seemed to be very deep in him. He shook the thought away. Luckily just looking at Diana pulled him back into the moment.  
"Wow...Loki, your ego hasn't shrunk a bit."  
Diana gave a sweet laughter and hearing it Loki realized just how much he had missed it. The laughter of _his Midgardian pet.  
_ "You think I have a large ego?" he asked.  
"Yes. This place can _hardly_ contain it."  
After saying this she finally saw it on his face, the familiar wicked grin. And seeing it now Diana realized just how much she had missed...her tutor with his quirky ways.  
"Alright then...I _can_ be your tutor, even if we have to stretch the rules a bit," Loki began.  
"We have to get you to that university after all. Otherwise you'll just stick around here forever."  
" _Jerk_ ," Diana snapped at him, with the loveliest smile.  
"Did you bring that word as a souvenir?  
Loki tilted his head. He was smiling too. It wasn't even the grin anymore...but a real smile.  
Then, Diana actually punched him gently in the arm.  
"Jackass..I brought that one."  
" _Ouch_." Loki said narrowing his eyes a bit.  
"That hurt."

And so began her second summer with Loki. Not to mention their bickering. The first day he was tutoring her, it was no surprise they were doing it again.

"No. You can't say that about Socrates. You just cannot," Loki said frustrated.  
"Yes, I can. Just did."  
"You're insufferable," Loki said, looking down.  
"No, I do believe it is you who is. And who cares what I am...In the end I'm just a bloody hobby to you."  
Loki's eyes shot to hers.  
"What did you just say?"  
"You said that yourself when I returned. That when you wrote to me, I was a hobby."  
He suddenly looked serious.  
"I'm actually sorry if you think that."  
The sudden sincerity in his voice actually scared her.  
"Can we forget what I just said and return to the regular bickering?" Diana asked.  
Loki looked at her.  
"I do not think we can."  
He walked in front of her.  
"Just to make this perfectly clear to you, I actually _enjoyed_ writing to you. And indeed, _writing_ to you was my hobby. But _you_ were not my hobby."

 _Alright. I wish I had actually listened to myself._

"Besides, how can you be so illogical?"  
"I'm eighteen?" Diana said sheepishly.  
Loki raised his finger already looking a bit amused.  
"This is the _only_ time you're getting away with that excuse."  
…

It was a rainy September afternoon. Loki noticed Diana was standing in front of the library where they had their study sessions. She looked confused.

"Hi Loki."  
"Hello Diana."  
She pointed at a note on the door.  
"They are waxing the floor of the library this week. Where are we to go now?"  
"I see."  
Loki went through the options in his head.  
"Right. Follow me."  
He started walking back to the direction he had come from.  
"Where are we going?"  
"We might as well use my room. If your father asks, just explain the situation."

She had actually never been in his room. And she knew she was supposed to concentrate but her eyes kept roaming around the space. She was now sitting on a sofa upholstered with a dark green velvety material. The room was approximately the size of their dining room but the height made it feel lofty. There were massive dark-green curtains. He definitely liked this colour. The bed was next to the wall so that it could also be used as a sofa. It had large black pillows that with fine embroidery. Loki was sitting on the bed, leaning against one of them. There was a desk in front of the tall window and it was a bit messy, filled with piles of books.

In front of her there was a coffee table and a chess set placed on it. She couldn't help leaning forward and fiddling with one of the pieces. It was the queen.  
"Well, since your concentration has already left this room, I might as well ask, do you play?"Loki inquired her.  
"Only sometimes against the computer."  
"Well, we could play...If you want to play against a real person," Loki shrugged.  
"Okay, but we're going to have to return to that sometime, whether an AI can ever be considered a real person," she said.  
"Most definitely, but now...Shall we play?"

Then Loki showed her about twenty different ways to lose in chess. The matches became a bit longer though towards the end. They totally forgot what they were supposed to do so they had to reschedule for the next day.  
"One day Loki...I'm going to win."  
"Of course. I do not doubt it," he said with a smirk.

...

Since they were still waxing the floor for a few days, they had the study sessions in his room. During one break Diana discovered Loki had a record player in the corner of the room and a collection of vinyl records, mostly classical music. She was studying the player, very curious. Loki was still sitting on his bed, browsing a book.

"Could we play something with this? I've actually never seen one working," Diana asked.  
Loki lifted his head from the book.  
"What would you like to hear?"  
"Surprise me."

Loki searched the shelf for a record, took it out of the sleeve and then with his delicate fingers placed it on the turntable. She could see it was...Maurice Ravel. She squatted so she could see better when the needle landed on a groove. A melancholic, dreamy piano tune began to play. Loki walked to his desk and sat in the chair by it.

Diana had never heard this piece before. First she just looked at the spinning record but then she followed a sudden impulse and lay on her back on the rug. It was a very soft rug. She had been a bit tired so she closed her eyes, allowing the music take her away. A flute had now accompanied the piano... They played in harmony, intertwining. It was very relaxing.

Loki sat on his chair looking at Diana on the floor. She was a bit funny and odd at times, he thought. Her eyes were closed, she looked very peaceful.

 _Had she actually fallen asleep?_

But then Diana made a small move that indicated she was in fact not sleeping...But Loki could see she was very much at ease though. He wasn't far from her and he couldn't help but studying her face. If someone had a year ago asked what Diana looked like, his answer would have been simply 'Midgardian'. But now that she had returned, he had taken notice of certain things about her looks. First of all, her hair was no longer black. Loki had decided the best word to describe her hair now was...auburn. This seemed to be her natural colour, and Loki thought it made her features look softer in some way. Also, he had noticed this colour matched her eyes very well...which he had analyzed to be a warm shade of dark brown with just hint of amber. Loki had noticed Diana now wore also other colours besides black. And he made a mental note that the light blue sweater she was now wearing did indeed complement her fair complexion.

In the concerto, a tragic theme was now introduced and it was evolved so that the piece was becoming very sad. Diana felt something ominous was about happen...The tragedy was developed further and further, until finally, it reached its climax. And then, instantly, it was as if the sun broke through behind the clouds. The piano was laughing in a way. All was well again. This part just caught her soul and she felt almost like flying...

Since everything had been ready there on his desk and Diana seemed not to notice, Loki too had followed an impulse and began to draw her...For some odd reason he had begun with her lips, then proceeded to the rest of her face, and now he was very concentrated, trying a capture tresses of her hair with strokes of his pen. He knew the piece was ending soon so he would have to hurry. And soon he did draw the last line, on her neck. Loki was quite pleased with the result. Lately he had felt that his skills had improved...Then, he swiftly placed the drawing to the corner of his desk, behind some books, so that she wouldn't notice it.

Diana could feel the piece was arriving at its end, and was happy it actually warned about doing so. Finally, there were the most beautiful tremolos. It felt like she was listening to a sunset...And then it was over. Silence returned to the room. Diana remained on the floor. While listening the music she had actually forgotten Loki was in the room with her. Now she could hear how he walked next to her, apparently to remove the record from the player.

"I loved it. Thank you," Diana said her eyes still closed.  
"You're welcome."  
"What was it?" she opened her eyes and saw Loki from the weirdest angle, standing above her.  
He showed the sleeve down to her.  
"Maurice Ravel. Piano Concerto in G Major, the second part Adagio assai."  
"I knew some of Ravel's pieces but had never heard this before. It was...like a story. With the happiest ending."  
"I've noticed you seem to like such," he said in a neutral tone.

...

After checking with her father, they sometimes had the study sessions now also in his room. It was a more private space and she had to admit it was a lot cozier. His room had all sorts of interesting things. She also found out that he could draw. Very well, in fact. He seemed to prefer ink as his medium.

After getting a bit bored with chess, Diana suggested playing some board games she had. Loki could see that she obviously wanted to beat him at something, and was actually a bit surprised by her competitive spirit. So Diana brought games and they played them, often sitting on the soft rug. He did love games. And he found Diana a worthy opponent. They had to reschedule their study sessions quite often, after a game session had stretched. And Loki finally did end up conquering Midgard...at a game called "Risk". He actually conquered it quite a few times and couldn't help thinking the irony, not to mention the madness of it.

...

Yet another study session had ended. Diana was still sitting on the sofa.

"You know Loki, it's my birthday next week."  
"Is something expected of me?" he looked confused.  
"Actually I'm inviting you to have tea on Sunday. My father would also like to see you. He misses your talks."  
She was writing something in her notebook while she was talking.  
"Do you wish me to give a present to you? I know you have this tradition," Loki decided to be straightforward about this.  
"Well...if you want, you could give me one of your drawings," Diana said not looking up.  
"My drawings?"  
"Yes. I've seen them around here."  
Loki was still a bit surprised. He had not anticipated she had noticed.  
"Right, do you want to select it at once?"  
She lifted her eyes from her notebook, a smile instantly rising on her lips.  
"Yes, please."

Loki was placing the drawings on the bed for her to choose from. He hesitated whether to put the last small one there but then he did do it.  
"Yes, that one, please" Diana said pointing immediately at it.  
He crossed his arms and looked at Diana.  
"Are you sure?" he said furrowing his brow.  
She looked a bit puzzled.  
"Well...If you're not ready to part with it, I can choose another one."  
"No, I did not mean that...Please, it is yours," Loki said giving the drawing to her.  
"Thank you." Diana said looking very pleased.  
"It is such a lovely drawing."  
She couldn't help noticing that he kept staring at her a bit strangely.

Loki was surprised she had chosen the robin. It was definitely not his most skilled drawing technically speaking. But yes, it had spirit. He couldn't help but appreciating her choice. In fact, it now felt like the only proper one. After all, she was the one who had somehow given this...creativity back to him.

Indeed, the pen felt to him nowadays much mightier than battle spells.


	7. Chapter 7 - The Worst Actor

**_Ta-da! We have arrived at Chapter 7...It's not that long. A snack really :)  
_**

 ** _Background music suggestion: Fernando Velazquez: I'm here, Crimson Peak soundtrack.  
I've actually saved this very music suggestion. The time has now come...Enjoy. Just loop it :)  
_**

* * *

 **Chapter 7 - The Worst Actor**

 _You can fit me_  
 _Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen_  
 _Next to your heartbeat where I should be_  
 _Keep it deep within your soul_

 _-Ed Sheeran: Photograph_

...

During that winter Loki and Diana worked hard and met each other almost every day. He especially helped her with Latin since it was after all, one of the key factors getting to study the Classics. Her A-levels did go well, and then in the spring she was called for an interview which also went well. Then one fine day the long-awaited letter arrived. She had been accepted to study the Classics. All her effort was rewarded. She was elated...And her first thought was to find Loki and tell him.

"Where is Loki?" she asked one of the nurses after knocking on his door several times.  
"Probably at the gym."

The gym was located in a separate annex next to the main building. She had to walk there through the courtyard. It was June and she felt life was all about hope and new beginnings. And it was then and there she got it, the best idea ever, or so it felt at that point. She'd have a laugh at him. So before entering the gym, she tapped into a sad memory, in this case the death of Fluffy, the dog from her childhood, in order to make herself a little teary-eyed. She entered the foyer, took her most serious face, and opened the door leading to the gym. He could see that Loki was by the punching bag, wearing a black tank top and training pants. He looked a bit surprised to see her entering.

"Hello Diana...What's the matter?"  
She walked towards him slowly, holding the envelope tightly in her hand, not looking quite directly at him. She stopped few feet front of him and sighed heavily. She actually noticed he was barefoot. She raised the letter a bit, casting her look down.  
"It's from the university, isn't it?" he asked with concern.  
She was looking down, almost dying to laugh.  
"I got accepted!" she lift her head and shouted happily.  
He raised his eyebrows.  
"Congratulations. I'd shake your hand, but…" he showed his sweaty palm.  
"That's okay."  
He shook his head smiling.  
"And Diana, you truly are the worst actor I have _ever_ seen...And I've seen some productions on Alfheim and this was…so much worse," he winced.  
She burst into laughter, and he soon had a wide smile.  
"But I tried!"  
"Well, that you did."

Now that she had lifted her eyes, she couldn't help noticing what Loki looked like. She had never barged to the gym like this or seen him in a tank top. And he probably didn't feel comfortable under her eyes since he immediately went to get his hooded jacket from the bench. And for just a second he turned his back on her, but it was enough for her to notice _them_. Scars crisscrossing on the skin of his back, everywhere that the tank top didn't cover. He pulled the black hoodie on, but she couldn't get the image out of her head.

 _What on earth…?_

Her hand wanted to instinctively cover her mouth. But she tried to take her most normal face, holding the letter now tightly in her both hands. He turned back to face her. _  
_"Have you told your father yet?" Loki asked.  
"No..."  
He rolled his eyes.  
"Diana, go tell him. This instant."  
He smiled. _  
_"I will," she said and ran out of the gym, through the courtyard, to the main building to tell her father.  
But her mind was still on his scars.

...

Diana's father had invited Loki for tea to celebrate their achievement. He was now leaving and Diana was escorting him to the gate.

"Congratulations once more. You are by far the brightest student I have _ever_ had," Loki said turning to face her once more.  
"But I thought tutoring was something you had not done before..." Diana said looking puzzled.  
He smirked.  
" _Ah_ , you're so funny."  
"I am," he said with a wicked grin.  
"But I actually have something for you. A gift." he said putting his hand in his jacket pocket.  
"It was actually something I ordered through you father...I told him I was going to give it to you."  
He gave her a small wooden box. It was beautiful and had a delicate carving of a bow on it. Because she was, after all, Diana. She ran her finger on the carving.  
"I love it," she said.  
Loki's eyes were clearly sweeping her face, examining her reactions.  
"Please, do open it" he said quietly.  
And she opened the box. There was a golden bracelet lying on dark-green velvet. It had one small pendant attached to it. She looked closer at it. It was a feather quill, with little emeralds running through the design. It was exquisite.

 _No one had ever given her something like that._  
 _It was perfect.  
_

"I-it's beautiful. Thank you," she stuttered.  
"I'm glad you liked it. You want to try it on?" he asked eagerly.  
"Yes," she said still a bit stunned and nodded.  
Loki took the bracelet from the box that was still in her hand. He gestured towards her other hand and she offered it. He gently lifted the sleeve of her cardigan just to bare her wrist. Then, very carefully, he placed the bracelet around it, holding both its ends.

 _He has such delicate fingers.  
And long lashes. _

He was looking at the bracelet, concentrated.  
Finally, he closed the clasp.  
"Ta-da," he said more to himself and his lips curved into a smile.

Diana lifted the bracelet to her eye level, examining how the little feather dangled. And how the tiny little emeralds sparkled. There was a childlike excitement in her eyes. It pleased Loki to see her reaction.

When she finally put her wrist down, she cleared her throat.  
"I actually have something for you too, as a token of gratitude for tutoring me. And actually… _Now_ it seems even more fitting."  
"Diana, your father has compensated me for my trouble adequately," Loki stated.  
He saw that her mood sunk at his words.  
"But I am of course delighted that you wish to thank me personally."  
He said this clasping his hands behind him and giving the slightest bow.  
Then, Diana dug something from the pocket of her cardigan. It was a fine carton box, matt black.  
"There you go. Thank you...Without you I couldn't have done it."  
Loki took the box. When he opened it, he saw a quill pen, its delicate black feather resting on black satin. The tip of the pen was silver, decorated with engravings. For a moment he felt speechless.  
"Thank you Diana...I see great minds think alike."  
Very slowly he lifted the quill from the box.  
"It is so fine I shall not ever dare to use it."  
"Please do. It was created for that," Diana said seriously.  
"I promise it then. That I shall use it. And use it well."  
"You know, I ordered in from a place called the Penheaven."  
"I should've known such a place exists...the Valhalla of pens," Loki chuckled softly, still mesmerized by the pen.  
Diana couldn't help noticing what then rose on his lips...His most genuine smile. She saw it so rarely and it always made her heart skip a beat.  
"So I guess I'm no longer your tutor then," Loki said, putting the pen carefully back to its box.  
"Lucky you," Diana shrugged, feeling a bittersweet sensation inside her.  
"But if you need my help at anything, feel free to ask," Loki said staring into her eyes intensely.  
"Thank you, Loki. I will."


	8. Chapter 8 - A New Side

**_Hi again. Welcome to chapter...8!  
_**

 ** _Please feel more than free to favorite, follow and review!  
Background music suggestion: Ilan Eshkeri: Austenland Symphony: II. Romanze, Austenland soundtrack. Looping adviced :)  
_**

 ** _And for anyone who is reading this...Thank you. And some virtual hot chocolate. There you go. You're all set :D  
_**

* * *

 **Chapter 8 - A New Side**

 _You don't know the power that you have  
With that tear in your hand  
Tear in your hand_

 _-Tori Amos: Tear In Your Hand_

...

The year Loki had been Diana's tutor again had passed for him...almost quickly. Yes, he had still suffered from nightmares but they were less frequent. And after Diana's arrival he was relieved he no longer saw the one with him shouting at her. Instead, for the first time in years, Loki had begun to see dreams that had nothing to with the past. In the most amusing ones he spoke Latin, often with Diana. In other dreams he was someone in the myths they had studied. For instance he would be Orpheus and Diana would be Eurydice. Or Paris and Helen of Troy. He amused himself thinking what Dr. Allsop would say about his dreams...Because what sort of madness was that, Loki in Greek mythology.

In a way he had dreaded the day Diana would tell him she was accepted to the university. For he did not doubt that day would come. And now it had come and he would have to let go of her...He had cherished every moment of the summer they had spent together. For they still had spent a lot of time together, playing board games, talking about books, even playing silly outdoor games such as croquet and badminton...He suspected in a way this summer would be their last. She would go on with her life.

When Loki and Diana were in his room that September evening, he was sure this would be the last time he might see her...And if he was honest with himself, the thought made him sad. He hid the feeling though, with his best ability even from himself. They were sitting on the floor having finished a lenghty session of another Midgardian game, Magic the Gathering. Loki had a very good deck nowadays.  
"Can we have another session next week?" Diana suddenly asked.  
Loki was confused.  
"But I thought you're leaving to the university?"  
"I am, but I was thinking I'd come here most weekends. At least at first...It's not that far. Just half an hour by train."  
Loki felt a sudden burst of happiness inside of him.  
"Why...Of course we could have another session then," he said suppressing a smile.  
...

And so Diana's studies at the university began, and she did come home on the weekends and she did still seek Loki's company. They truly had become friends. Also, Loki visited Diana's father sometimes for tea and whenever Diana was around she would keep them company.

It was few weeks after she had begun her studies that she had come to visit Loki on a Saturday afternoon. This time they were playing a game of chess. It had been a while. He was sitting on a chair and she was on the sofa.

"What's wrong?" Loki asked.  
"Nothing's wrong." _  
_"I'm not blind. Something is wrong."  
Her lips became a tight line.  
"I don't actually feel like talking about it," she muttered and was watching the pieces on the board intently.  
He had a feeling she actually did want to talk about it.  
"I'll make a deal with you. If I win this round, you promise to tell me."  
"Whatever. You won't win."  
But of course he won.  
"Okay. Now tell me."  
He leaned back on his chair, crossing his arms. Diana leaned back on the sofa and looked at the ceiling.  
"May I remind you we made a deal."  
She sighed.  
"Alright…"  
She sighed again and was still staring at the ceiling.  
"It actually happened last night...There was this party for new students. You know I hate that kind of things."  
She turned to look outside of the window.  
"But I need to get to know people. There's no other way, and this is one way of doing it."  
"What happened?" Loki asked furrowing his brow.  
Diana swallowed.  
"There was a game."  
"A game?"  
"Yes, a game."  
She shifted on the sofa a bit nervously, finally looking at her hands.  
"What kind of game?"  
Loki couldn't help a nasty feeling rising inside him. She was still looking at her hands.  
"We were actually in the park. It was quite late. And then the older students divided us into teams..."  
He could see she was weighing her next words.  
"Please do go on."  
She took a breath and continued.  
"They gave us this small ball. And we were supposed to put it through all our clothes and then hand it to the next one in the team. They were counting the time...And this was the first time I really met those other people in the team, and they are my course mates for the next four years, so bloody yes, I wanted to belong."  
She had sounded angry. And then he heard it in her voice. Her shame.  
"The game was basically about stripping. So I took my shirt off. And my jeans off. It was cold…And I was standing there in my underwear so that we would _win_ ," she gave a laugh obviously filled with self-contempt.  
"The worst part was that many of the older students were drunk, laughing, and they had the cameras in their phones..."  
She was avoiding his look.  
"And everyone could see…"  
She looked downwards, not being able to finish the sentence and inhaled sharply.  
"And I just didn't want…"  
Her other hand came on her mouth and she could not hold it in anymore. The last words she said nearly crying.  
"…to be cast out again."  
She burst into tears and buried her face into her hands. She had not noticed how Loki's hands had slowly clenched into fists. How his eyes had flashed with anger when she had continued the story. But how the very moment she began crying something changed in his demeanor. He instantly stood up and walked to her, sitting next to her on the sofa. And she felt his hand on her back. Even that gesture already calmed her down a bit. Loki noticed this and kept his hand there until she calmed down more.  
"Could I have a handkerchief?" Diana asked faintly.  
"Of course."  
Loki went to retrieve one and returned soon. Diana dried her eyes and blew her nose. Then she buried her face back into her hands. They were sitting there in silence.  
"I know it was just a stupid game...And I was stupid..." she muttered the words through her palms, shaking her head.  
"Diana, could you look at me?" Loki said softly.  
She didn't react to his request but just sat there.  
Loki stood up and kneeled right in front of her. Then, he very gently took hold of her hands and revealed her face. He brought her hands together and kept holding them inside his. He could see Diana's eyes were closed, and her lips were a thin line.  
"Please, look at me."  
She seemed frozen.  
"Please."  
Finally, she opened her eyes to meet his gaze. His emerald eyes were filled with sympathy.  
"Diana, listen to me carefully."  
He waited for a moment.  
"You do realize that _you_ have nothing to be ashamed of."  
She was looking at him with teary eyes.  
" _They_ are to blame, the ones that manipulated you into this stupid game."  
She had looked so sad but suddenly there was something new in her eyes. Relief, he understood.  
"Do you understand this?"  
She nodded.  
"Good."  
He was still holding her hands.  
"Now, we really need to do something that would delight you. What could that be? Do you want to pull a jest on the staff? Or go have a walk?"  
He could see she was thinking.  
"Or can I bring you _chocolate_?"  
Loki asked this smiling.  
"I have heard this is a cure for pretty much everything here."  
He was relieved when she returned his smile, faintly but still.  
"And I have full access to the kitchen."  
"Now why I am not surprised," she gave a small laugh. Her voice was still hoarse from the crying yet somehow stronger. She gently removed her hands from his and wiped the last of her tears from her cheeks.  
"Actually, could you show me how to use that punching bag at the gym? I really need to punch something."  
"Why of course. As you wish," he said smiling and got back up.  
And the rest of that afternoon they spent at the gym. They had a laugh, they had fun.

...

They were walking back to the main building now.  
"You are really good at punching that bag," Diana said excitedly.  
"Close combat is actually not my favourite thing..," Loki said as he said as they strode through the courtyard. He sounded like he had found a pleasant memory.  
"I liked using spells, decoys, cloaking...And plotting strategies. My adoptive brother, whom with I often was in battle with, would never bother to think of one."  
He chuckled.  
"So it was all up to me."  
He was in a good mood.  
"Also, I preferred blades. Although my skills are probably getting a bit rusty not being able to practice here."  
"Perhaps we could play darts sometime. I'm pretty sure my dad has a set."  
"Darts? That actually sounds promising," he said grinning.

She had often suspected that perhaps he had been a soldier. And also his adoptive brother…He mentioned him sometimes, but extremely rarely. Diana wondered where had they served, and whom they had served. They arrived at the main building.  
"You mentioned earlier that you had access to chocolate…"  
"I'll be right back." Loki replied.  
She laughed.

...

Loki had walked Diana back to the house and she was now sitting on her bed wondering. She had never seen this side of him before. He had been...so protective, so sweet. And it was really confusing.

In the evening Loki too found himself still replaying what had happened. First he actually had not known where to direct his rage. He had listened to her story, feeling the anger rising in him. Until he was blinded with it. He could barely hide it. They had hurt _her_ and he wanted to hurt _them_ , whoever they were. Because she was under his protection. She was his friend. But the moment her tears came, he realized his rage was not what she needed. She had actually needed him. And he couldn't help thinking about the irony…

 _In the end you will always kneel.  
_  
This is what he had said, that day long ago on the street of Stuttgart, to the mortals in front of him. But tonight, without even giving it a second thought, he had actually knelt in front of a mortal. In fact, in front of the first mortal he had ever befriended. And he realized that even though the memories of his horrors still haunted him and appeared in his nightmares, somehow they had begun to feel…more distant.


	9. Chapter 9 - Glimpses Through the Years

**_Hiya! Alright...If this were a movie, we'd get a montage now. Merry Christmas.  
_**

 ** _Background music suggestion: Craig Armstrong: Love Theme Suite from Love Actually (at least Youtube has it)_**  
 ** _  
Thanks! Thanks! Thanks! For reading.  
Review...Favorite...Follow :)_**

* * *

 _ **Chapter 9 - Glimpses Through the Years**_

 _Life smells like a rose  
with someone to paint,  
with someone to pose_

 _Life's a piece of cake_  
 _with someone to pedal,_  
 _someone to break_

 _Life is full of glee_  
 _with someone to saw,_  
 _someone to see_

 _Life's a happy song_  
 _when there's someone by my side_  
 _to sing along_

 _-Bret McKenzie: Life's a Happy Song  
_

 _..._

To her relief, Diana quickly found many like-minded friends at the university. She found her place in the community and was very excited about her studies, and often showed her weekly essays to Loki.

"The one last week was better...But I liked this one too," he said handing the paper as she passed by. He was leaning on a large pillow on his bed.  
"Please elaborate later. I have a headache," Diana said sitting down on the sofa.  
"I'm sorry to hear that."  
"I had the worst day...And I have to give another presentation next week."  
"You have to do what?"  
"Give a presentation. A downside of home-schooling is that I don't have the experience...Even the thought makes me feel ill. The first one was a disaster already."  
She sighed heavily.  
"You can give me the presentation first. I can be your practice audience," Loki suggested.  
She raised her eyebrows.  
"You don't have to…"

But he helped her.  
Yet again.

...

"So Loki, have you ever been in a serious relationship?" Dr. Allsop asked.  
He scoffed and a smirk appeared on his face. He was resting on the sofa, throwing a coin in his hand.  
"Would you like to guess?  
Dr. Allsop was studying his face.  
"Do you think I have _ever_ trusted anyone enough for that to happen? _Anyone_ on _any_ realm?" he said smiling to himself.  
"I suppose not," Dr. Allsop answered honestly.  
These were the small victories of her life, when he finally told something of himself. Of his true self.  
"Why do you think that is, that you cannot trust anyone?" she continued. He seemed a bit more open that day.

Loki felt himself sinking into her question. Yes, he had had lovers in some meaning of the word, and when younger he had wanted to experience the more carnal pleasures of life but still…it had left him feeling empty. He had wanted more, needed more, and his interests had been directed towards studying magic. And studying in general. Magic and books and knowledge would never betray him.  
"Could I just pass that question Elaine?"  
"Of course. Some tea then?"  
"Yes, please."

She poured him a cup.

 _..._

"You should come for Christmas dinner. Dad would love it...You know, he's always had a soft spot for you."  
Loki internally rolled his eyes. Even after all these years he would never get used to these Midgardian sayings. Soft spots...  
"That would be really nice," he found himself saying.

...

"You like gingerbreads, don't you?" Diana asked.  
He had eaten a dozen of them.  
"This is the finest Midgardian delicacy I have tasted so far."  
"Glad you liked them. I made them."  
"I commend you for them." Loki said and took another one.  
The evening had been really nice. Finally, they were all sitting in the living room. Mr. Knowles was sipping a glass of wine, Diana had hot chocolate, Loki tea.  
"Ah, the Classics." Mr. Knowles said almost to himself.  
"Had my father permitted it, I would have studied the Classics...But he thought psychology would be more practical."  
They sat by the hearth till late in the night having a good chat until Loki finally told he had to return to the main house. When he finally left, he turned back at the courtyard and could see Diana standing in her window. He could see she raised her hand and waved at him. He waved back.

He had to admit it, the two of them, Diana and Alan Knowles, had made his Midgardian experience much more bearable.

...

"So what are you planning to do after your exile?" Dr. Allsop asked.  
Loki was on her couch as always.  
"I honestly haven't thought about it. I have no plans. I don't know if there is place for me…" he said staring into nothingness.  
"Why would you even ask such a depressing question?"  
"You find it depressing? You have no hope for your future?"  
He shook his head.  
"Hope is not for me."  
"I wish you could see things differently," Dr. Allsop said.

 _You know, I actually wish that too._

...

"Thanks for helping, Loki. Really," Diana said.  
It was a lovely summer day. Not too hot, not too cold. Sun shone between the clouds. They had been painting the picket fence all afternoon.  
"Truly. It was no trouble...You surely know I don't have much better things to do."  
She couldn't help noticing he was painting with such concentration. Like it was a work of art. He was always like that. So careful, such a perfectionist. And he didn't have single speck of white paint on his black clothes.

Loki couldn't help noticing she was humming as she painted. He enjoyed her voice. He actually hoped...she would begin sing.  
"Do you wish to have break? I think we have lemonade in the fridge," Diana asked, wiping her brow. It left a paint stain on her forehead.  
He walked up to her and looked at her. She had so many white stains on her shirt.  
"You have some paint..." he gestured at her forehead.  
"And actually there too," he pointed at her chin.  
"Now that I mentioned it, also..." he actually touched her cheek, wiping the stain.  
They smiled.

...

"It's my birthday tomorrow."  
He had forgotten again.  
"You people and your solar calendars…" he muttered.  
"Happy birthday then."  
It struck him that he didn't even know how old she was now.  
"How old will you be then, Diana? Twenty?"  
"I can't believe you don't remember? Twenty-one!"  
He could see she was thinking.  
"Actually...I can't believe I've never asked you this...But _when_ is your birthday, Loki?"  
"I do not know. And besides, at this point, when one is way past one thousand years, the idea really has lost all its novelty."

Yes, he could still say all this creepy stuff so casually.

...

"Do you know of my fall...How I let go?," Loki suddenly asked silently.  
Dr. Allsop was startled by his voice. She was leaning on a puzzle that she now worked on during their sessions.  
She had immediately turned to look at Loki.  
"I actually do," she said softly.  
Loki was located on his normal position on the couch, looking into the distance.  
"You know...I fell for weeks. I truly thought it would be my end."  
Dr. Allsop could not believe he had suddenly opened up this way.  
"In fact, I wished it."  
She knew there was only one thing she could say.  
"I am so sorry to hear that, Loki."  
Her voice was filled with warmth.  
"Can you tell me why you wished that?"  
His eyes remained fixed in distance.  
"Because I didn't think there was anything to live for."  
He let out the faintest of sighs.  
"But I failed at even that, ending it all..." he said with a voice filled with melancholy.  
"What happened when your fall ended?" Dr. Allsop asked.  
"I was in dark alleys…"  
He closed his eyes and shook his head.  
She continued to fiddle a piece of puzzle in her hands. Somehow she felt he had given a piece to his own.  
"Do you wish to tell me about it?" she asked with the softest voice.  
His eyes remained closed.  
"No."  
"More tea?"  
"Please."

...

The record player was on, there was a waltz filling the room.  
"Just _follow_ my lead. How hard can it be?" Loki said frustrated. He broke their dancing position and looked at her seriously.  
"Diana. _Do. Less."_  
"But what if my actual partner cannot lead? I should surely be prepared to guide him," Diana asked.  
He rolled his eyes.  
"On Asgard one could not attend such a feast if...Well, let us hope your partner can lead. Now, shall we try again?"  
They took the dancing position and he took the first step. She followed his lead now.  
"One-two-three-four," she was muttering, looking at their feet.

And for the first time in the past half an hour they actually began to waltz around the room. He had moved the coffee table away to have more space. She had to admit he was a really good dancer and somehow very technical about it.  
"You know. In the real situation, it will be actually polite to look at the partner," Loki stated.  
"I know, I know...One-two-three-four…" she muttered.  
"You might want to practice it."  
She lifted her eyes to look at him. He had a concentrated yet relaxed look, like he was doing something totally natural to him. Diana was immediately messing her steps now. She accidentally stepped on his foot - once again.  
"I'm so sorry," she winced.  
"Let's have a break. Luckily your feast isn't tomorrow."  
He was actually amused. She was attending a formal event that involved dancing. He had promised to help her.  
"I sometimes wonder is there anything I could teach you?" Diana asked.  
"You mean besides all those Midgardian games?"  
"Yes, besides those."  
"Well, in all probability, such a thing exists," Loki said.  
Then he glanced around the room.  
"We should go to the gym. There's more space to waltz you around and get my feet trodden on."

Soon they were waltzing in the gym hall. Loki had insisted bringing the record player. Diana lifted her eyes to look at him and this time her feet did exactly what they should. He was returning her gaze, smiling. She could see he was proud of her. It actually felt to her like they were flying. And she had the funniest thought...She immediately scoffed herself for it.

Because for a second she had imagined she was dancing...with a prince.


	10. Chapter 10 - Friday Night Chickenpox

_**Hello world. It's funny, the previous chapter covered like over 1,5 years and now the next four chapters will cover about 48 hours of their life. But I think life can be like that...There's a long time nothing special happens and then suddenly it does.**_

 _ **Also, the next six or seven chapters were my favourite ones to write. Like I told you in the intro of Chapter 1, this work of fanfiction was born during National Novel Writing Month 2016. If you don't know what NaNoWriMo is, I strongly suggest to find out. I recommend it to anyone.**_

 ** _Background music suggestion: Craig Armstron_ _g:_ _Glasgow Love Theme, Love Actually Soundtrack. Looping suggested :)_**

 _ **But now...Chapter 10 :)**_

 _ **Follow! Not to mention favorite and review - I hope it's going to happen one day :)**_

* * *

 **Chapter 10 - Friday Night Chickenpox**

 _If you need a friend  
Don't look to a stranger  
You know in the end,  
I'll always be there  
But when you're in doubt  
And when you're in danger  
Take a look all around,  
And I'll be there._

 _\- When in Rome: The Promise_

 _..._

Loki couldn't help overhearing the conversation in the lobby. He was just arriving from his daily run. Mr. Knowles was talking to one of the nurses, Amanda.  
"Diana isn't better yet. Could you please take her something to eat and check on her? She is in no condition to leave the house and I didn't have time to get her anything..."  
Mr. Knowles looked very troubled and was shaking his head.  
"Of course I would have cancelled but they couldn't have found another speaker in time."  
"Why of course we will take care of Diana. Don't worry, Alan," Amanda said reassuringly.  
"Thank you, Amanda."  
Mr. Knowles glanced at this watch and noticed Loki.  
"Hello Loki. I'm afraid I'm in a hurry. My taxi is here soon. You should know, I'm afraid Diana is ill...But she'll be staying a bit longer since the Easter term ended."  
Loki nodded.  
"The taxi is here. See you on Monday, Amanda. Have a good weekend, Loki," he took his suitcase and left.

"What's wrong with Diana?" Loki inquired from Amanda.  
"Chickenpox, she's quite ill," she said a bit absentmindedly.  
Loki constructed a face as if he knew what chickenpox meant. He had heard the word sometime but couldn't exactly connect it with anything...But the thought that Diana was ill and he wouldn't see her this weekend bothered him. A thought crossed his mind.  
"I couldn't help overhearing you. If there is something that is needed to be taken to her, I could do it. I have time."  
Amanda thought for a moment.  
"Well...Actually, that would help me a lot. Thank you."  
But then she hesitated.  
"But are you quite sure, you heard that it is chickenpox? I mean, have you had it?"  
"I cannot get it," Loki immediately replied and shook his head.  
"Okay. Let me get the food," she said and went to the nurses' room.

Loki walked towards Diana's house with a large paper bag Amanda had trusted him with. It was a lovely summer afternoon. He definitely preferred summer. He arrived at the house. He rang the doorbell several times but there was no answer, and the door was definitely locked. If he had had his magic, he could have just opened the lock. Now, he walked to the other side of the house and luckily the back door was open. He entered the house.

"Diana, it's me, Loki!" he raised his voice.  
No answer.  
"Are you there?"  
Still no answer. He walked up the stairs and asked once more in a loud voice.  
"I'm here!" he could hear from one of the rooms.  
He opened the door a bit and saw Diana in the other end of the room, lying in her bed.  
"What are _you_ doing here?"  
He could only see her face as she was under covers.  
"I came here to see what your chickenpox looks like."  
Even from distance he could see that her skin was filled with little specks, and she looked feverish.  
" _You're_ sick."  
He tilted his head a bit confused.  
"But it would appear it is _you_ who is sick."  
"Wiseass."  
Ah, another Midgardian saying, he thought to himself.  
"Oh do come in then."

Loki entered her room. Even if they had known for years he had actually never been there. Crossing the threshold he felt a strange sensation. He guessed this was probably the reason she had never invited him there. He could have always sensed she too was a very private person. This was her sanctuary.

Loki noted the room had two large pieces of furniture made of dark wood, a desk in front of the window and a bed with a massive headboard. The curtains were dark blue velvet. The wall opposite her bed was practically a bookshelf from floor to ceiling. Besides books, she had all sorts of things there; photographs, toys and such. She had a black leather armchair next to her bed. The rug was Persian style. But suddenly Loki realized what was the most defining thing about her room. It was the ceiling...His first impression was that it was black which he found a bit odd. But then he truly looked at it and saw it was actually painting of a starry sky. Among the constellations there were nebulae with the most beautiful shades of violet and blue...He just looked at the ceiling and felt very much at home in her room.

"Now that you've inspected my room, could you tell me why you are here?"  
Loki forced his eyes away from the ceiling.  
"I have brought food for you, courtesy of Amanda. Your father asked her to take care of you."  
"So logically it is _you_ who is here."  
He couldn't help noticing the remark wasn't as biting as it was meant to be. He placed the paper bag to her night table.  
"I offered my help." he shrugged.  
She tried to pull herself up. He noticed that she actually looked quite weak.  
"If you want, I can help you," he said gesturing towards the paper bag. She nodded and finally succeeded to lift herself against the headboard and the pillows.  
"Thanks," she said meekly.  
He unpacked the bag to the small table beside her bed. It was that cold tomato soup, gazpacho, so she could just eat it.  
"Could you fetch me a spoon from the kitchen?"  
"Of course," he said and left the room.  
Soon he returned with the spoon.  
"Thanks. Are you in a hurry? I wouldn't mind the company."  
"I am in no hurry," he said and sat in the armchair.  
"I saw your father in the lobby as he left."  
"Yes, I know he wanted to stay...but the conference," Diana said and took a spoonful of soup.

Loki also noticed she had those strange spots in her hands. She wore a long sleeved shirt but he assumed they covered all her body. It really didn't look that awful though.

"I must look scary," Diana said she said noticing he was looking at her.  
"No, it doesn't look scary. I've seen a bilgesnipe that was scarier."  
"I'm not even sure if that's a compliment or an insult."  
"A compliment," he said with a grin.  
She had soon finished her soup.  
"I'm actually bored," Diana said.  
"I've been in bed since yesterday."  
"Well then...How can I entertain you?"  
"Are you serious?"  
"I am at your service. This might not ever reoccur so I suggest you make good use of it."  
She immediately had an idea.  
"Please, could you read something to me?"

Diana guided him to take a certain book from the shelf. Loki studied the book, it had the image of a majestic lion on it. He read the back cover.  
"Is this...a children's book?" he said raising one eyebrow.  
"Yes…I remember my father reading it to me when I was a child. In fact, he read the whole series of them. The books are there right behind you."  
He looked at the row of these books, running his finger over their backs.  
"That's nice. My mother used to read to me too," he said smiling and sat down in the armchair.  
He had extremely rarely mentioned his mother. Perhaps five times during the time they had known each other. Diana decided to ask something she had always wanted to. After all, she had the home advantage now.  
"Your mother...What's she like?"  
"Frigga…" Loki glanced sideways and said her name with great care.  
"She is a very wise...A very skilled woman."  
There was a smallest smile playing on his lips.  
"And I was always her favourite...Indeed, when I was very young she already noticed my skills and taught me many things..."  
He looked at the book and lifted it a bit.  
"Like _our_ classics."  
Diana could hear from his voice his mother was very important to him.  
"She lead me to the world of culture, art, music and…."  
He said the last word gazing into distance.  
"Magic."  
Then he opened the book.  
"Are you ready?  
And so he began reading.  
"Once there were four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy. This story is about something that happened to them…"

She closed her eyes and enjoyed his voice. He made each sentence become alive, speaking with such eloquence, pronouncing the words in such a beautiful way. After two chapters he took a break.  
"Diana...His writing is dry," Loki winced.  
"He was an academic, of course his writing is dry. But just give it a chance. It'll get better. And have I ever told you should read audio books?"  
"Audio books? I guess I've been told I'm a decent reader."  
He shook his head smiling.  
"Please continue," Diana pleaded.  
"Alright then."

...

"And that is the very end of the adventure of the wardrobe. But if the Professor was right it was only the beginning of the adventures of Narnia."

He had accidentally read the whole book. It was already quite late at night.  
"He's not very subtle, is he? This author…"  
Loki looked at the cover.  
"…C.S Lewis."  
"What do you mean?"  
"This Aslan...He is based on the One Beyond Time, am I correct?"  
"The One Beyond Time?" Diana echoed his words.  
"I believe you have a different name on this realm…"I am"."  
She just stared at him. Then he turned to really look at her and immediately noticed she looked more flushed than before. Her condition had weakened.  
"May I?" Loki asked gesturing to touch her forehead. She nodded so he placed his cool palm on her forehead. To Diana its coolness actually felt quite euphoric. He was now sure that she was running a high fever. He hadn't noticed it rising because they had been so immersed in the story.  
"I know," she said interpreting his worried look.  
"Just...Can you give me those painkillers from the desk? And some water?"  
He gave her the medicine and she swallowed them.  
"These should help soon...But I have to change my shirt. It's soaked."  
She pulled herself to sit on the edge of the bed and took a moment before standing. Loki stood close just in case she wouldn't be able to stand. Then Diana got a shirt from her wardrobe and walked to the bathroom in the corridor. Soon she returned wearing a t-shirt.

Loki wondered why she looked so odd. And then he realized he had actually never seen her wearing something like that, a clothing that revealed her arms. And then he quickly understood why. He saw them, even in the dim light. Scars on her upper arms. He pretended like he didn't notice them as he helped her back to bed, supporting her the last few steps. After resting her head on the pillow she immediately drifted to sleep. He understood she was quite ill and wondered what he was supposed to do now? Leave? Stay? What did she expect him to do? Although he already knew the only solution was to stay. Then his mind returned to her scars.

 _What had happened to her?  
_

Although he guessed only she could have done them herself. She was under the blanket so he could no longer see them. But the memory still lingered in his mind. He had a feeling this had something to do with the subject she never wished to talk about, why she had left school.

Loki sat in the armchair feeling frustrated. He also thought that if he only he had his magic, he could repel this infection that was now in her body. The mortal bodies were so weak...Eventually he shut down the night lamp. There was some light coming from the window. It was the moon. He didn't feel like closing his eyes, so he just sat there. At some point he touched her forehead and indeed the fever wasn't as bad but she still had it.

While he was sitting there, he also thought about the story he had just read. Yes, it was a children's story but there were parts...that made him wonder. He couldn't help thinking about the character of the younger brother, Edmund. The one who betrayed his family, blinded by the White Witch, dreaming of becoming a king…He shuddered. It had come somehow...quite close. But then, the lion had somehow redeemed him. Yes, it was a fairytale after all, he thought to himself.

Suddenly he was startled by Diana's voice.  
"You noticed them, didn't you, the scars?"  
They could feel each other's presence in the darkness and see each other's form, but no expressions.  
"Yes, I did saw them," Loki said quietly.  
She sighed.  
"So, now you know why I wear only long-sleeved shirts," she tried to give a strained laugh.  
"You did that to yourself?"  
"Yes."  
" _Why_?"  
"It was so long ago. It feels like a past nightmare, nothing real anymore..."  
There was brief silence. He waited for her to continue.  
"Do you remember how I told you I hated school?"  
"I do."

 _He had been right._

"Well, let's just say...I didn't like it there, because I wasn't liked there. And somehow, and I know this sounds mad, but causing these…Was the only thing that made me feel better, even for a just moment."  
Her voice was stating, a bit sad.  
"I'm just so happy it is now past. And I don't actually like anyone seeing them…So consider yourself privileged."  
He could hear she yearned for some levity.  
"Alright, I will then. But I am still sorry someone caused you to do that."  
"It's okay, Loki. I've forgiven them."  
Those words sunk into him. There appeared to be something she could do that he could not.  
"I'm tired. And you know that you don't have to…stay here."  
Her voice sounded conflicted. He understood that she wanted him to stay.  
"I'll stay. You might need help."  
"Thank you…Good night."  
Her voice was drowsy and she fell soon back to sleep.

At some point Loki woke up in the armchair, noticing it was dawning. He rose from the chair and stretched his stiff limbs. Despite the odd sleeping position, he felt surprisingly good. He walked to the window and could see that indeed it was the first break of dawn, sun would rise soon. It was grey and cloudy though so it wouldn't be a spectacular but still. He looked at the landscape and thought to himself that summer in Midgard was actually kind of pleasant. Some days even better than pleasant...Perhaps after his exile he would visit Midgard sometime during summer. Then he was suddenly startled by his own thoughts. What was happening to him? Where did this originate? Although his heart knew very well the answer to that. And then he froze. For he realized by the time his exile would end, Diana would be...He chose not finish the thought. He could not finish it.

He turned around and saw Diana's peaceful sleeping face, looking a bit strange because of the chickenpox. Her hair was messed up, framing her face. She looked lovely in a way. He walked to her and gently touched her forehead. Indeed, the fever wasn't that bad anymore. He sat back in the armchair and watched, feeling like the guardian of her sleep. Her arms were no longer under the blanket so he could see the scars clearly now. Seeing them hurt him to his core. It pained him to know someone had made her suffer like that. And he knew that in the past his reaction would've been to make those people suffer. But she had made it clear that she held no grudge. So he would neither, out of respect to her. And he could only think...That if through some miracle he had his magic back, he could just...make the scars vanish.


	11. Chapter 11 - Saturday in Middle-earth

**_This chapter features one of my favourite tropes, Loki eating a pizza. Huge spoiler there ;)_**

 ** _Background music suggestion: Sound of The Shire (Youtube)._**

 ** _Review, favorite, follow, enjoy :) And my deepest thank you for reading._**

 ** _So let us spend...a Saturday in Middle-earth. The sweetest Saturday ever! :) And here's a slice of virtual pizza with your favourite toppings._**

* * *

 **Chapter 11 - The Saturday in Middle-earth.**

 _Lay down_  
 _Your sweet and weary head_  
 _The night is falling_  
 _You have come to journey's end_  
 _Sleep now_  
 _And dream of the ones who came before_  
 _They are calling_  
 _From across the distant shore_

 _\- Annie Lennox: Into the West_

...

Diana opened her eyes. It was morning and she felt a bit thirsty. She turned her head and saw Loki there, in his black t-shirt and jeans, sitting in her armchair. The sight almost startled her.  
"Good morning," he said calmly, clearly studying her face.  
"Good morning...Could I have some water?"

 _This is so strange.  
To have him sitting there._

Diana pushed herself to sit against the pillows and the headboard.  
Loki handed her a glass of water.  
"Thanks." She took a gulp.  
"How are you feeling?"  
"I'm better." She put the glass down.  
"But..." A smile rose to her lips.  
"What do I have to do to get a cup of tea around here?" she asked teasingly.  
"I don't know. Bribe someone? Make it yourself?" Loki replied with mischief in his voice.  
Diana was happy their nightly conversation did not seem to have changed their relationship that much.  
"C'mon, Nurse Laufeyson. _Please_." She looked at Loki coaxingly.  
"Fine, I'll be back in a moment."  
He already left the room but then he immediately returned in the doorway.  
"And don't call me Nurse Laufeyson. _Ever_ again."  
He had his familiar grin, a bit wicked. Then, he left downstairs.

When Diana heard he was coming back upstairs, she took the diary she had fetched and hid it under the blanket. He walked into her room holding a tray with a teapot, two cups and some toast. He was carrying it concentrated, quite gracefully. She didn't push her luck with Nurse Laufeyson again. He put the tray on her night table and poured her a cup, handing it on a saucer.  
"There you go. But it won't be as good as the one you make...Only you have the perfect ratio of tea leaves and water," Loki said half in his thoughts. Diana thought only he could leave an accidental compliment like that. She took a sip.  
"It's really good. Thank you," she said with a nod of approval."And thank you for staying with me. I know you didn't have to."  
He could see she had the slightest blush when she said this.  
"Really, you were in no condition to be left alone. I fear you father made a misjudgment when he left."  
Loki looked very concentrated pouring himself a cup of tea. He clearly wanted to say something.  
"Would you prefer to have someone here today? I mean... _I_ could stay, because I do not have any specific plans."  
He took the teacup with the saucer and sat back in the armchair.  
"Well, I did plan to do some practice at the gym...But I can do that any day."  
He stared at his tea quite intensely and blew on it.  
"Won't they miss you at the main house?" Diana asked.  
"It's Saturday. I honestly don't think they'll even notice...Besides, I'm free to do what I wish."  
He finally looked at her again.  
"Yes...I have noticed," she said smiling.  
"And yes, I would like some company, thank you."  
Loki was taking a sip of his tea when she said this, so his only reaction was a small smile and a nod.  
"Actually...I have a suggestion what we could do. Let's watch Lord of the Rings, _all_ of them, extended versions." She said this with such enthusiasm.  
"I'm not entirely sure what you are asking of me but since you are the one who is ill, I am willing to comply."

Loki noticed she suddenly seemed surprisingly energetic for a person with chickenpox. Diana began to arrange the bed so that the headstand was covered with pillows.  
"I just have one more thing to ask. Could you bring the television from downstairs?"  
"The television...from downstairs?" Loki echoed her words.  
"Yep."  
Half an hour later the set up ready. They were both sitting comfortably in the bed, supported by pillows, the screen was at the end of the bed. She had drawn the curtains over the window so the room was quite dark despite it only being around noon.  
"So are you ready to go to Middle-earth, for like 12 hours?"  
"12 hours? You didn't mention anything of…" Loki began.  
She feigned annoyance.  
"Yes. I am. Prepared. To do this."

Diana had read the book and seen the films many times but got never bored of them. She truly felt like visiting another world, another realm. During the first half of the first film they sat more straight, but by the end of it they were basically lying on the bed. The pillows were a lot less organized; duvet was covered with traces of cashew nuts.

"My mind is still on Middle-earth, but my body is apparently here. I'm hungry. We should order pizza," Diana said.  
"Pizza...I know this food but I have never tasted it," Loki stated. "They do not serve it at the main house."  
"Somehow I'm not surprised. But still, _how_ is it possible you haven't tasted pizza? Where have you lived?"  
"On Asgard mainly. Few months on Alfheim and Vanaheim. None of these realms have pizza."  
"Okay...So pizza it is, a Midgardian delicacy."  
Her father would scoff her for going along with his lunacy but who cared. After a lengthy debate on the toppings, they decided to order two separate pizzas. She called the pizza place and 40 minutes later the door rang. She went to her wallet.  
"This should be enough," she said giving the money to Loki. "I don't want to open the door looking like this."  
"Honestly. It doesn't look _that_ bad." he said taking the money and leaving downstairs. Soon he returned with two pizza boxes.  
"The boy gave me these," he said looking curious.  
"They actually smell quite good."  
In the dim light of her night lamp they opened the boxes.  
"It looks strange though."  
"Go ahead, take a slice."  
He followed her example, taking a piece in his hand. He had rucola, cherry tomatoes and mozzarella. He took a bite. Diana was amused at how elegantly he chewed pizza. There was always this finesse about him.  
"It's not bad at all," he said taking another bite.  
Diana was suppressing a laughter. He looked so funny. And soon they started watching the second movie, still eating their pizzas.  
"What is this drink? I'd actually prefer water."  
"Cola. It's a kind of poison. It's actually a good thing you don't like it."

By the end of the second movie, they were sharing the blanket sideways. When the end credits began rolling Diana left to the bathroom, leaving Loki in the dark room alone. He rested his head on the pillow and decided to close his eyes for a moment. He felt a bit tired. A melancholic, eerie tune had begun to play when the names of the actors had appeared on the screen. Then he heard the woman's voice. It began singing the saddest song.

 _Where once was light  
Now darkness falls  
Where once was love  
Love is no more  
Don't say goodbye  
Don't say I didn't try_

He was mesmerized, taking each word in, feeling its tragic taste. He knew it was about that creature Gollum and yet...

 _These tears we cry  
Are falling rain  
For all the lies you told us  
The hurt, the blame...  
And we will weep to be so alone  
We are lost  
We can never go home_

When the meaning of the lyrics sunk into him, he felt a lump in his throat. And he felt the tears rising. He shut his eyes and couldn't concentrate on the rest of the lyrics. He shut his eyes even tighter. And when the song finally ended, he felt as if pain had wash over him.

 _I am lost.  
I can never go home._

Soon Diana returned. Loki had had just enough time to regain his composure.  
"Are you ready for the last one?"  
He just nodded. So they rearranged the pillows and returned to their comfortable sitting position on the bed. And so they returned to Middle-earth once more. And it was very epic. Loki couldn't help glancing at Diana when she began weeping. This happened at the end of the movie. It was the moment when it seemed too late they could be saved, Frodo and Sam. And when the eagles arrived.  
"It's alright. I always cry at this point," she whispered, not tearing her eyes from the screen, wiping her cheeks with her hand. And he knew it was all fictional and make-believe, but her tears were real and every fiber of his being wanted to reach out to her and comfort her...His hand was actually right next to hers. He could've just shifted his slightly and touched it. And he wanted to, but he just couldn't. Because he somehow was scared of...Actually his own reaction more than her possible reaction. His heart was suddenly beating faster. He could hardly notice what was happening in the film anymore. He took a deep breath and concentrated. And luckily the film drew him back in. And soon the film ended, or so he thought. But then there was another ending. And even that wasn't it. But finally it did come, the final, final ending. _The end._

A beautiful serene song began playing in the background. Their voyage was over. She was sitting there, looking at the screen all teary eyed, looking feverish. It was way past two am.  
"Darn, I should take a painkiller," she said touching her forehead.  
Without even asking permission anymore he touched her forehead and confirmed her state. Even this gesture now made his heart beat a little faster.  
"Yes, you're running a high fever again."  
She had to admit she really enjoyed this, the palm of his hand on her forehead. Diana found the painkillers on the table and took the pills.

They were still not quite fully there, in that room, mentally. It took a moment for them both to adjust to the reality they were now in. Diana saw he was pondering something. He actually raised his index finger on his lips. Diana really wished he didn't look so good when he did that.  
"What is it?"  
"Well...Now that I've fully seen it, I actually remember reading this book. It's considered a Midgardian classic and we have it in our royal library. I've read quite a lot of books so it took some time...to remember."  
"So what did you think of the films?"  
He frowned.  
"To be honest, I'm actually not that acquainted with this art-form of cinema. But it was definitely interesting. Of course, reading the book is _so_ different."  
"Wait," Diana suddenly said.  
"So are you Loki, _in fact_ , saying that the book was better than the film?" she was holding her laughter but he didn't notice it.  
"Yes, you _could_ put it that way," he said this so sincerely.  
Diana burst into an uncontrolled laughter, almost hysterical, manic. And the worst thing was that it was totally contagious, Loki was laughing soon too. And the fact they were both really tired didn't help at all. Finally they settled down, gasping their breath.  
"And _what_ exactly were we laughing about?" Loki asked.  
"I'm not sure...You just said the book was better than the film. _And_ my bum really hurts from all this sitting."  
"How feverish _are_ you?," he said touching her forehead again feigning concern.  
Her heart leapt in her chest when he did that.  
"I'll be alright."  
She cleared her throat.  
"And I understand if you want to leave back to your room."  
She looked at her alarm clock on the table, it was half half past two.  
"But it is rather late, so it's totally okay if you want to stay here...You can sleep in the guest room. It's down the corridor. And you can borrow my dad's pajamas," Diana said.  
"I could actually take up on that offer. Just in case you still need help."  
After their laughing frenzy they were now lying on the bed facing each other, a mere foot away. She bit her lip. There was something she wanted to say. And she felt that if she didn't say it now, the moment would be lost forever.  
"Loki…"  
"Yes?" he said, giving her his full attention.  
"Thank you for being my friend. I haven't had too many in my life."

There it was. She had said it. Her already red eyes were welling with fresh tears. He looked at her intently for a moment that seemed to last an eternity. She could not read his expression. There was a lonely tear that escaped her eye. She quickly wiped it off.  
"Please don't cry…All is fine," Loki said.  
On his lips rose a smile. Even his eyes were smiling.  
"Thank you for being my friend. Norns I haven't had too many either."

If she was being delirious, this was a very good delirium.  
"And now, you should really rest," he said becoming more serious and lifted himself from the bed.  
"You can just shout if you need me."  
"Sure. And wait, let me get you those pajamas.

Later in the corridor they wished each other good night and went their separate ways. When Diana returned back to her bed she suddenly realized something. She had spent the entire day in a t-shirt. And she was actually a bit shocked for she had totally forgotten...that the entire time Loki could see her scars.


	12. Chapter 12 - Confessions in the Dark

**_Yes, we have arrived to Chapter 12. Which was the second most difficult chapter to write. This is the chapter of the rewrites :)_**

 ** _Background music suggestion: Austin Wintory: Apotheosis, Journey soundtrack. Loop it just in case :) If I'd use the background music in only one chapter in this story it would be this one._**

 _ **This was also the song I listened to when writing this. In a way it was the key to it. In the game Journey you can take a journey with another player, and in the end they are climbing a mountain together. It is such a moving moment when the other player wants to help you...to make this climb.**_

 ** _Also, the mood in the intro Depeche Mode song. Loki's POV, most definitely :)_**

 ** _Review, follow, favorite!_**

* * *

 **Chapter 12 - Confessions in the Dark**

 _Here is a song_  
 _From the wrong side of town_  
 _Where I'm bound_  
 _To the ground_  
 _By the loneliest sound_  
 _That pounds from within_  
 _And is pinning me down_

 _-Depeche Mode: Home_

...

Diana was woken by the most horrible scream. First she thought maybe it had been a feverish dream. But when she touched her forehead, she could feel she didn't have a high fever anymore. She looked at the clock. It was almost 4 am. Then she heard the scream again and understood exactly where it came from.

It was Loki.

And she knew she had to go. So she immediately got up and walked to the corridor, her heart pounding, and approached the door. Her eyes were now adjusting to the darkness. She entered the room.  
"Loki?"  
There was no answer. Then she saw his restless form on the bed, laying on his back, under the blanket. The moon was partly hidden behind clouds but it still gave its eerie glow. Diana could clearly see he was asleep but having a nightmare. She wasn't quite sure what to do.  
"No…" Loki muttered shaking his head. And then suddenly he reacted as if something hit him. He arched his back and screamed. Diana immediately rushed next to him, kneeling besides the bed.  
"Loki," she said with the calmest voice she could summon that moment. His brow was covered with sweat, his expression pained.  
"Wake up."  
She put her hand on his cool and sweaty shoulder, trying to calm him down. She needed to pull him out of this.  
"Loki. Please listen to me. _Wake up._ "  
She said this more loudly. But the dream still had him. Then, she held his shoulder more firmly and shook him. And suddenly he shot up sitting. Diana screamed and fell on her behind.

...

Loki felt disoriented, to say the least. He was still gathering his thoughts, breathing heavily.

 _It had been a dream. One of those dreams.  
But he was no longer there...  
But where was he?_

His eyes darted around the dark room in confusion, quickly adjusting to the darkness. And then they found _her_. On the floor, leaning back on her hands. He felt more confused. But in a second he realized what had happened.

 _No._

He felt he had to say something but he couldn't. And now he fully took in her expression. She looked terrified.

 _No._

He immediately stood up and knelt next to her on the floor, trying to catch her attention.  
"Diana…I have frightened you."  
She looked at him, clearly coming out of something.  
"It was just the jump scare. I'm okay. Just give me a moment."  
He waited her to calm down. Finally, her breathing was normal. She furrowed her brow.  
"But are _you_ alright?"  
"I am," Loki answered.  
Diana was shaking her head.  
 _  
He could not be.  
_  
Loki was sitting on the floor, next to her. Diana slowly lifted herself up and was sitting now too. He wasn't wearing a shirt and her gaze almost involuntarily moved to his back. She could see them clearly now, the vast amount of scars on his alabaster skin. Suddenly Loki realized what she was looking at. Before he could say anything Diana spoke quietly.  
"I saw them that day at the gym long time ago…When I tried to fool you."  
Then her eyes lifted from his back to his eyes. They were so beautiful and dark.  
" _What_ happened to you?"  
Diana could see Loki's whole body tensed. She kept staring him straight into his eyes, pleading him to answer.  
"Do you _really_ wish to know?"  
"Yes."  
" _Why_?"  
"Because I care."  
Her voice was almost too much for him.  
"Diana…"  
He shook his head. There was a long silence.

If Loki was honest with himself, he had always _longed_ to tell someone. And there she was now. He was sure it wasn't wise but he couldn't help the thought surfacing...

 _Could he actually tell her?_

Loki looked at Diana and just knew the answer. He was still hesitant, but felt this strange pull inside of him.  
"I fear it is not a short story. And I fear it will sound like madness to you..."  
"Please. I will listen. I _want_ to listen."  
Yes, he could hear her voice was calling him…to open up. He took a deep breath and leaned his elbows against his knees. He felt her gaze and made his decision. She was there. Now. For a moment he thought where to begin and furrowed his brow.  
"Like I said, this will sound like madness to you, but this is how I experienced it..."

Diana tried to prepare herself. She had decided she would take it as it is. Whatever he would say. And Loki could see that. He was still searching his words.  
"I suppose...I have in the past told you something of my origin. How I was left to die as an infant, deemed too small. And how then Odin found me."  
She nodded reassuringly.  
And so he began. He told her briefly of his childhood, how he grew up as the second prince...He told her of Thor. And then, of what he had plotted when Thor was about to be crowned king.  
"He was _not_ ready for it. The nine realms were not..." And so he continued to tell how they ended up in a battle in Jotunheim. Loki looked at his other hand, clearly caught in a memory. What he told her next somehow made her shiver.  
"The touch of that jotun _should_ have burned me, but it did not. Instead my skin…" He swallowed.  
"Turned blue."  
And the story continued...Thor was banished to Midgard and Loki himself finally confronted Odin and found out the truth who he was.  
" _Yes_ , he admitted it. What he had done. How he had taken me. I was a _mere_ pawn in his game."  
Loki spit the last words and Diana could feel the raw anger and bitterness. But she also noticed how he immediately calmed down as he told how Odin fell into his deep sleep. Then, when he told he himself became the ruler of Asgard as a result of this, his voice sounded...almost anxious.  
And so came the part Loki feared to tell. He lifted his eyes to meet Diana's for he _needed_ to see her reaction. Her expression was still open, receptive. He could see she listened with her whole being. Loki's heart beat faster.  
"Then, I did things...I am not proud of."

 _He would just say it._

"I lied to Thor and almost killed him on Midgard. I killed my real father Laufey and tried to destroy the entire realm of Jotunheim to prove Odin I was… _worthy_. I do not expect you to understand. I just wanted…"  
He held his breath and didn't finish the sentence. Instead he shook his head.  
"It _was_ madness."  
She just took in everything he had just told her. Without judgement, without thinking too much. She could see this was _so_ important to him. And Loki could see the firmness in her being. He knew now she would listen him till the end.  
He lowered his gaze back to his hands. He was still leaning his elbows to his knees. Suddenly, Loki's eyes looked no longer focused. He seemed to sink very deep inside a memory.  
"Then, Thor returned and found out what I had done. We fought on the Rainbow Bridge...He had to destroy it in order to save Jotunheim. And it is then when I fell...But Thor still had a hold of the staff I was holding onto...But _then_ , Odin was there."  
Suddenly Loki's face expressed such pain, as if the memory was too overbearing.  
"And then I…"  
His mouth was ajar, his breathing heavy. There was desperation in his eyes. Diana froze. He _needed_ to go on.  
"I…I decided to let go. And I fell…into the abyss."  
It took Diana a moment for the words to fully sink in.

 _No._

Loki immediately continued, rushing forward.  
"But it was _not_ my end."  
And then he gave a bitter laugh which made Diana shiver.  
"I ended where no one wishes to, on the _wrong_ side of the universe, where there are places and beings _no one_ wishes to know of."  
He looked into her eyes again, his look so intense.  
"And it is _there_ where I got scarred by the ones who rule there. They made _me_ their slave..."  
He gave a chuckle that sounded almost mad.  
"Because _there_ I was still a naïve Asgardian prince."  
Then there was silence. Diana wanted so badly to touch him but she didn't have the courage. Loki sounded pained.  
"But I got out...I made a deal with the devil."  
He shook his head, looked at the ceiling and sighed.  
"I have often thought there was that one day, _that_ _one_ _day…"  
_ He looked Diana in the eyes and swallowed. _  
_" _How_ I _wish_ the touch of that jotun would had burned me."  
His eyes began to glimmer.  
"Because now, I have done things I cannot bare to look at. And believe me, I've looked at them still. Diana, you would… _hate_ me for them. I just wish…"  
She could hear it in his voice, it was breaking.  
"I could have led another existence."  
Diana wanted to say something. She needed to say something.  
"It is not too late, Loki."  
"BUT IT IS!" he shouted.  
"You DON'T KNOW what I've done!"  
They were gazing each other. The look in his eyes was frantic. Diana was holding her breath. But then...Loki looked down and said so quietly, almost inaudibly.  
"I truly _am_ a monster."  
He felt the darkness suck him in. He felt his breath leaving him. He felt the tears rising but he fought them back, as always. He had to close his eyes. And it was then he could hear Diana shifting her position.

 _And now…  
She will leave._

He was so caught in this thought that he was startled when he felt her arms around him, and heard Diana's whisper close to his ear.  
" _No_. _Never_ say that."  
Her warmth was shocking on his bare skin. She shifted so that she held him just a bit tighter. He felt her cheek on the back of his neck, the softness of her body against him. Something inside him surrendered, and he felt how the tears began to fall on his face, silently. He could not help feeling…that she hid him in the sweetest darkness, under her wings.  
"I _know_ you. And you are _not_ a monster," she whispered softly. And it was those words that irrevocably unlocked him. He gasped once for air sharply and they came with force, his tears. He was soon shaking, and Diana remained there, holding him tightly. They were there for a long time, in that embrace, in the darkness, until he truly did run out of tears. Loki could not believe what was happening…It felt so unreal.

Finally, when his breathing had become steady, he heard her soft voice very close to his ear.  
"Are you okay?"  
He answered in a calm tone that surprised even himself.  
"I am."  
He cleared his throat.  
"And you should rest now. You are ill."  
"I guess...You are right."  
She squeezed him once and let go. Soon she sitting on her knees next to him. Loki was afraid to look at her. But he did…And there was comfort in all her being.

 _She did not run away.  
_

Then he looked at her fragile form and could see that she was tired. He felt guilty.  
"I am burdening you. I should leave."  
"No. Don't leave."  
There was a moment of silence.  
"C'mon, it's five am. You're not going anywhere." she said with more levity.  
He sighed. He was too tired to fight back.  
"At least we should go back to sleep."  
She nodded.

He stood up, towering her with his height, offering his hand to help her up. She took it and when she was finally standing next to him, she couldn't help but looking at him, and it felt like the worst moment ever to notice what he _actually_ looked like. She quickly turned to walk to the the door. There she heard Loki's voice.  
"I am so sorry for keeping you up."  
"Don't be. Good night," she replied.  
"Good night. And…thank you, Diana."  
He felt he _had_ to say it before she would leave. Diana stopped at the door, looking down.  
"Loki..." she began, her back still facing him.  
She took a deep breath and looked at him once more.  
"Just please don't hate yourself."

Then she left the room.

...

In her room Diana immediately reached for the drawer of her desk, took her diary and a pen, sat down and began writing everything she remembered. About what he had said. Because she needed to unravel this. Yes, he was very troubled and she felt that his story was something he had created to shield his mind, like a coded truth. Later Diana was still sitting on her bed thinking. It was a lot to take in. Everything was replaying in her head. When he had cried, she had truly felt his pain. And when she had held him, she had felt his scars. And it had been almost too much...But she had remained there, by his side, comforting him. But what troubled her most was the feeling she now had. The urge to somehow miraculously, magically, supernaturally to erase his scars. Not only the ones one his back...but even more, the ones in his mind.

And what followed was an infinite feeling of sadness.  
Because she knew she could not do it.

...

 _What now?  
What would happen in the morning?  
What would she remember?_

She had done something that no one, with the exception of his mother, had ever succeeded in doing…She had gotten him to open up. Would she be afraid of him now? Would she shun him, having a glimpse of the horrors he had done?

But Loki couldn't help it. After what had happened he felt such tranquility, even euphoria, as if most of his pain had liquefied and simply left him. And in this serene state he fell asleep. But before that happened, a thought crossed his mind. After he was no longer crying and Diana had still held him, there had been a moment. Yes, a moment. And he had thought it had been the worst moment ever to notice what she had _actually_ felt like. He felt confused...For he thought his capability for such emotions had been destroyed when he had become Thanos' subject...Loki was so tired that the thought soon passed and he fell in to the most peaceful slumber.


	13. Chapter 13 - The Summer Sunday

_**Hi again! I myself am in desperate need of something a bit lighter after that.**_

 _ **It's the morning after :)**_

 _ **Background music suggestion: Ilan Eshkeri: Archery, The Young Victoria soundtrack. It's so beautiful but short so I would loop it.**_

 _ **Review...Follow...Favorite!**_

* * *

 **Chapter 13 - The Summer Sunday**

 _And i'm so sad  
Like a good book I can't put this day back  
A sorta fairytale with you  
A sorta fairytale with you_

 _\- Tori Amos: A Sorta Fairytale_

 _..._

In the morning the memory of the night flashed into her mind. Yes, she had held him. Yes, she had been terrified. She remembered thinking tectonic plates could've been moved with the feelings he had inside of him. It was almost as if he had turned into a boy, so wounded, so hurt. And she could recall he had said things that had made her feel scared. What kind of a soldier had he been? Or had he been in a mob? Or was it even real? Should she be scared? But she couldn't think his father would have allowed a homicidal maniac become her tutor.

 _Besides, she knew him.  
She did._

But there was one thing she was absolutely and completely sure of. His pain had been real.

She noticed that the guest room door was open. He had woken up before him. Diana took a quick shower, changed into some fresh clothes and went downstairs. There she found that the door to the backyard was open. Loki was sitting there, in a chair, reading.

"Good morning," Diana said.  
He turned to look up.  
"Good morning."  
"I visited my room this morning." Loki said sounding a bit tense.  
"To change my clothes. Then I returned."  
The funny bit was that they were the exact same kind, a black t-shirt and jeans. She also noticed his hair was also wet.  
"Amanda also told me your father will arrive tomorrow morning."  
Diana could sense he was holding his guard, discerning her reactions. She needed to say something.  
"Loki, we need acknowledge last night somehow. Could we just do it now? First."  
She sat in the chair opposite him.  
"Of course." he said closing the book.  
The birds were chirping, the sun was shining.  
"Loki. I do actually remember last night. We don't need to be awkward about it."  
"You mean, about the fact that I totally collapsed in front of you?"  
"I have a free pass to collapse in front of you now. Do we have a deal?"  
She held her hand out towards him, waiting him to seal the deal. He tilted his head and looked at her seriously.  
"Well then, yes, we do have a deal," he said and shook her hand.  
That handshake normalized something in their universe, created balance. Now that she saw him again she could not bring herself to be scared of him. It was still just him, Loki, her friend.  
"I am sorry I frightened you…I am sorry you had to witness that."  
He shook his head.  
"I know I must have said things..."  
"You don't have to apologize."  
They sat there a while in silence.  
"Do you often have nightmares?"  
"Not as often as I used to…"  
There was a stark contrast with what he was implying and the beautiful mid-morning air.  
"Actually…I slept really well the rest of the night. In fact, I cannot remember when I had slept so well."  
"I'm happy for that," Diana said sincerely.  
Loki leaned back and closed his eyes. He had a book on his lap.  
"What were you reading?"  
He opened his eyes.  
"Ah, this...Yes, I got it from your father's bookshelf. I hope he doesn't mind...It's Ulysses."  
"I'm sure he doesn't."  
Diana now leaned back in the chair. She felt so tired.  
"I'm sorry, I forgot...How are you feeling?" Loki suddenly asked. He leaned forward and reached his hand to touch her forehead. Diana's heart sighed knowing this was probably that last time he did that.  
"Better."  
"You seem to be. Have you had any breakfast yet?"  
"No, not yet."  
"Well, just sit there and let me bring you something."  
"Really, you're spoiling me."  
"Yes, I guess I am," Loki said and went inside.

They spent the afternoon in the garden of her backyard. Talking and reading, reading and talking. Just being quiet, laying in their chairs. They ate their lunch outside. They had tea at five o'clock. She no longer had any fever. It really was the sweetest summer day. Like a dream. She knew she'd probably remember it forever. Also, they ate their dinner outside since it was still warm.

He was bringing the rest of the dishes back in when he heard it. She was singing. A folk song. He had never heard her voice singing.

 _My love said to me  
My Mother won't mind  
And me Father won't slight you  
For your lack of kind  
Then she stepped away from me  
And this she did say  
It will not be long love  
'Til our wedding day._

He stopped by the door of the kitchen, not walking in, because he didn't want her to stop. But she actually did stop.  
"You have a lovely voice," he said finally walking in.  
Diana was startled, she almost drop a cup.  
"Ah...I usually only sing by myself. And I only know one verse from this song."  
She had flushed and seemed embarrassed.  
"Can you sing?" she asked clearly trying to regain her composure.  
"I haven't sung in a long time...When I was a boy I did. A bit similar tunes than the one you sang...folk songs. My mother taught me many. But…can I actually help you?" Loki asked gesturing the dishes.  
"If you want you can rinse them."

So there they were, standing next to each other, doing the dishes. Diana thought he was surprisingly clumsy, it almost seemed like he had never rinsed dishes before. She hummed a tune as they worked. She couldn't help noticing he smiled, a lot.

When the evening finally came, neither of them actually wanted to depart. But she was in too good condition to actually justify him staying. Then he actually did it for the last time. She knew it was the last time he would touch her forehead. Possibly ever.  
"Yes, you should be fine. And I should get going. So your father will return tomorrow."  
"Yes, he will."  
"And when are you returning to the university?"  
"For not another four weeks or so."  
He smiled.  
"So we will probably see each other during this time."  
"Yes, surely."  
It had been the oddest the weekend ever. It felt like it had changed their relationship, somehow irreversibly.  
She was escorting him to the gate.  
"We should do this again sometime. Without the chicken pox of course."  
"This was quite a weekend."  
They arrived at the gate.  
"You know, I meant what I said about you being my friend," Diana said.  
Loki clasped his hands behind his back.  
"I know you did. So did I."  
She raised herself on her toes and hugged him, reaching her hands behind his neck. Reflexively his hands encircled her.  
"And remember that you have that free pass," he whispered to her ear.  
"I will." She said smiling as they both pulled back from the embrace.

He walked through the gate. She followed him with her eyes as he walked the lane towards the little forest. And she couldn't help feeling it. Even despite its impossibility.

 _Damn that guy, he's a life-ruiner._


	14. Chapter 14 - Escaping Reality

_**Right, Chapter 14 it is...Diana is in the spotlight. Yes, it is a bit angsty. And quite a wall of dialogue :)**_

 _ **Background music suggestion: Craig Armstrong: Glasgow Love theme, Love actually soundtrack.  
I have a feeling this is Diana's theme in this fanfiction. I would repeat this back to back, some might even call it looping :)**_

 ** _Review, favorite and follow! Thank you so much for reading. Here's a virtual gingerbread :)_**

* * *

 **Chapter 14 - Escaping Reality**

 _Went to school and I was very nervous  
No one knew me, no one knew me  
Hello teacher, tell me what's my lesson  
Look right through me, look right through me_

 _And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles it's a very very  
Mad world, mad world_

 _\- Gary Jules: Mad World_

 _..._

What Diana had with Loki that summer she could only describe as a platonic love affair. Indeed, they were actually doing everything except what they were rumoured to be doing. Because of course there were rumours at the hospital, and they knew about them, but neither of them cared. Alan Knowles also noticed how they spent even more time together but he didn't wish to interfere. For he had never seen Diana this happy. Also, Mr. Knowles knew Loki by now and was certain he wouldn't take advantage of his daughter. Actually, when he saw Diana and Loki together it reminded him...of himself and Esther, what seemed like a lifetime ago.  
On rainy days Loki often read to Diana and they lay on her bed. On sunny days they often had picnics. They cooked together. They played darts, among many other things. Diana sometimes began to run with Loki. He had to slow his pace down a lot at first but he didn't mind. And they talked and laughed, a lot. Also, Loki learned to play the lute that summer. He ordered a black custom-made one.  
"The girls doing the Renaissance studies would drool all over you..." Diana laughed when she saw it for the first time.  
He had smirked, of course.

And Diana knew that after that summer something would be impossible. During the previous semesters she had gone out with a few guys at the college and each time she couldn't help comparing her date to Loki. And each time they would lose the comparison. Now she couldn't see how anyone could win it anymore. She just rather had this, this thing they had, and in some ways the platonic nature of it felt almost easier for her.

And Loki too understood what was happening. How they saw each other every day. How she extended her holiday for nearly two weeks. Often after their day he would lay in his bed and think how unwise this was, and he couldn't help thinking it was unfair to Diana...For it lead nowhere. But then, the next day would come, his next day with her, and he couldn't help himself. He just savoured each moment.

...

After what they referred to as the chickenpox weekend, Loki and Diana began watching films together. Diana chose them. The films were called such as _Stardust_ and _Princess Bride,_ and there were many with a wizard boy called _Harry Potter_. There were at least two _Narnias_. And _the Hobbit_. Diana brought her computer, which was flat movable thing to his room and they sat on his sofa. Or they watched them in her room, sitting on her bed. They also sometimes ordered pizza and drank some cheap red wine she had bought.

They had watched the second Hobbit and were sitting lazily at the opposite ends of Loki's sofa. It was late August, one of those days that still felt like summer. The window was open, letting the warm evening breeze in. Loki was looking at the cover of the film.  
"I've noticed a pattern here," he suddenly said.  
"These films you choose...All of them are somehow similar. None of them take place on Midgard."  
Diana looked thoughtful.

 _So he had noticed._

"I actually found many of these worlds when I was still in school."  
She had pondered whether even to tell him, but the words had just come out.  
Loki's eyes immediately looked at hers. She had very rarely spoken of this subject. And when Diana returned his look, she decided she would go on, and she felt the strangest sensation...She wanted to go on.  
"In fact, I _needed_ these worlds in order to survive in this one."  
" _Why_?" Loki asked holding his gaze.  
"This world was just too cruel...It often is, isn't it?"  
"I suppose it is," he said with a compassionate tone.  
Diana turned to look out of the window, into the dusk.  
"You know…When I started at the school here, I instantly realized I was not going to fit in, but I had no idea…  
She sighed.  
"What it would turn out to be."  
She now looked back at Loki and he saw something new in her eyes.

 _She had let down her guard._

"What did it turn out to be?" he asked.  
"A nightmare I wanted to end."  
Diana could just sense how intently Loki was listening.  
"I longed for the days to pass. On my wall I had this calendar...And I just waited to cross another school day out. And _then_ I decided when I'd have have 420 crosses, I'd quit. I mean, if nothing would change. And nothing changed."  
Loki looked puzzled.  
"Why 420? It's an odd number."  
"It's ten times the meaning of life."  
She could see he didn't understand.  
"I just needed some number...Anyway, it's a reference to a book. I'll borrow it to you sometime." She had nearly smiled.  
Loki nodded, and he felt he needed to ask her something.  
"What exactly happened at the school, Diana?"  
He could see she tried to begin her answer, but then he quickly realized she looked like she was about to cry.  
"You don't have to tell me if you don't wish to."  
She looked him in the eyes again, with sudden solemnity.  
"No…I do _wish_ to _._ I haven't told anyone…Of course my father knows. But I haven't _told_ anyone."  
Loki nodded and gave her space to continue. He _wanted_ her to continue. And she did.  
"Well...When I began at the school, no one in the class took any contact with me. Everyone already had their circle of friends. So I was alone and it didn't help that I was quite shy. But this isolation I could even somehow manage...But then, there was this group of pupils that _chose_ me. I mean, I guess I was just too different...I lived _here_ , I looked different. You remember how I was so black..."  
She gestured her hair and her clothes.  
"It wasn't even that bad at first...They just occasionally called me crazy, mad, lunatic. You get the picture."  
And then she gave a laugh that sounded tragic.  
"But then it slowly became worse...And they found their absolute favourite and so I became... _the loonie bin bitch_."  
The tone in which she had said those words. Loki could see how she was gathering herself to continue.  
"And then they didn't miss a single opportunity…Everything I did, they'd be there..."  
She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath.  
"My father did try to help me. Some of the teachers also did...But they just _couldn't_."  
Loki could hear the pain in her voice, from all the memories washing over her, and actually he could also feel his own distant memories surfacing. Diana looked down at her hands again.  
"So I cried in the evenings…And then, it became difficult to fall asleep and that's when I began to...""  
She gestured at her upper arm with her other hand, not looking him in the eyes.  
"And I no longer wanted to go anywhere. Just in case I'd ran into them. My life became so…limited. I spent most my time at home, alone. But then I found out there was actually one place I could go to safely...The library. Because for some reason _they_ didn't seem to spend any time there. And that is where I found these others worlds, better worlds..."  
She shook her head in her thoughts and there was a faintest smile on her lips.  
"I actually _dreamt_ I would wake up in one of them and find out I was someone like Galadriel, an elven empress...And that I would find out my life on earth had been only a nightmare."  
The tone in her voice had been...bittersweet. But then Diana looked very serious.  
"And now...when I look back, I think it was a form of killing a person. Slowly. With words. I had not imagined such a think could be done...But a little piece of me died each day. And sometimes I do think of what died in me."  
She bit her lip.  
"You know that painting in my room, on my ceiling?"  
He nodded.  
"It was the last thing I ever painted."  
"It is your work?" Loki asked astonished.  
"Yes. I did it when we moved here, that last summer...Before everything. I was twelve. The other paintings I threw away. I thought of painting over that one...but I just couldn't. It reminds me...of me."  
She had the last words so quietly. Her eyes were gazing into nothingness and they began to glimmer. Loki could see there was still _something_ she wanted to say.  
"But actually the worst part was...That at that very point in my life my mind was so strange. I had this irrational self-blame, and I knew that my mother had been ill...She had schizophrenia."  
Loki knew what the illness was.  
"I was _so_ scared." And with those words Diana suddenly burst into tears. She wrapped her arms around her legs.  
Seeing her reaction, Loki knew what he needed to do. What he wanted to do. He quickly moved so that he was sitting right next to her, and it felt a bit odd for him to do it, but he wrapped his arms around her. She felt so small inside his arms. And then, he very gently pressed her head against his chest.  
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that," he said with the softest voice.  
He could feel how she was crying against him and he just kept holding her.  
"I guess…I'm using that free pass now," he could suddenly hear Diana's voice between the sobs.  
"Where's the joy in having one if you don't use it," he whispered into her ear.  
Then he stroked her hair once, very carefully. And after doing it once he began to slowly stroke her hair. He could feel her body shook against him. But slowly she began to calm down.  
"You know, I do not miss my school years either..." he said.  
"I too felt I was too different. My interests were considered... too feminine. And later, it was of course the question of my looks."  
"Your looks?" he could hear her voice below, sounding surprised.  
"What do you mean? I imagine you were the hottest guy in the class."  
"Me? The hottest guy?" Loki gave a laugh.  
"Imagine being surrounded by blonde athletic warriors and being the only dark, scrawny sorcerer there. I was...you have this very good word, a nerd."  
"But so was I."  
He could feel she gave a small but real laugh, and then she lifted her head to face him. Her eyes were red and teary, but he could immediately see she was feeling a bit better. Following a sudden impulse, Loki lifted his hand and gently wiped a tear that was still running on her cheek. Diana's eyes became quite wide that moment, but she looked…even happier. Slowly Diana broke from his embrace and lifted herself to sit on the sofa. She took their wine glasses from the table, giving Loki the other one. She lifted her glass.  
"To nerds."  
His lips curved into a smile.  
"To nerds."  
She looked at her glass thoughtfully.  
"You know, I didn't go mad…"  
She raised her eyes to meet his.  
"And I collected the bits and the pieces."  
"I know. I have always seen that," Loki said with an reassuring look.  
"And I got the best tutor ever," Diana looked in his eyes smiling. He nodded and returned her smile taking another sip of wine. It tasted really bad but he didn't care, at all.

Later he insisted escorting her back to her house, even if it was two am in the morning. He always did that. The stars were out that night, it was still surprisingly warm.  
"There is something about the Midgardian moon. It is such a sad celestial thing."  
She laughed.  
"A sad celestial thing? You know, I don't know anyone else who would say that."  
They were approaching her house.  
"I have an idea," Diana suddenly said.  
"Come," she tugged his sleeve and led her to the courtyard and to the side of the house.  
"I want to show you my secret place."  
Loki looked confused. She gestured the ladder that was on the side of the wall and began to climb it.  
"Come."  
Without too much thinking he followed.  
"Do be careful," Diana said as they reached the roof. Luckily it wasn't steep. She scooted so that she was lying on the rooftiles. Loki followed her and was soon lying there next to her. They stared at the sky of stars above them. The atmosphere…was magical.  
"So this is your secret place," Loki said quietly.  
"Yes…Even my father doesn't know I come here."  
"I like this place. Thank you for sharing your secret," he said softly and she knew he meant more than the rooftop.  
"You're welcome."  
There was a comfortable silence. They lay for quite a long time, looking at the stars, deep in their thoughts. And then, suddenly he felt it, the urge to ask her something. His voice didn't break the dreamlike atmosphere but seemed like a part of it.  
"Diana, how did you do it…" he began, a bit unsure.  
"…forgive them?"  
It was as if his last words remained echoing in the air., Diana turned to face him, leaning on her elbow, looking him straight into his eyes. Her eyes were so calm, serene, quite mesmerizing.  
"There was no other way because I wanted…to be free."  
She held her gaze for a while, with the smallest smile appearing on her lips. She looked…nearly mysterious.  
Then, slowly she returned to lay on her back. They were both thinking and there was a long silence. But then it was Diana's turn to break it.  
"Loki, thank you…for being there."  
She looked at the starry sky and then she felt it, how Loki gently squeezed her hand. He held it for a moment that seemed to last longer than it probably did, and then he released his hold, touching the tips of her fingers as he let go. There was no need to speak more. They lay in silence. Peacefully. It somehow felt to Loki that Diana was _so_ close to him. And he couldn't help thinking this was his best moment on Midgard…ever.


	15. Chapter 15 - The Commission

_**Hi! We needed humor after all those confessions, didn't we?  
Sorry, just a bit of coarse language in this chapter. She's just so angry...**_

 _ **Background music suggestion: Ilan Eshkeri: Flying Vessel, Stardust Soundtrack. Yeah, loop it :)**_

 _ **Thank you for reading!**_

* * *

 **Chapter 15 The Commission**

 _Clap along if you feel  
_ _like a room without a roof_

 _\- Pharrell Williams: Happy_

...

In early September Diana returned to the university, but she promised to come back already the following weekend. So she arrived to Loki's room Friday evening. It had been few weeks from their evening that involved free passes and stargazing. When she saw Loki sitting by his desk she soon noticed he looked kind of smug.  
"Loki, confess. What jest have you pulled?"  
"No jests, honestly," he said.  
She sat on the sofa and noticed something quite peculiar on it. A large box wrapped in the kitschiest paper ever. It had teddy bears and ribbons and all sorts of cutesy stuff.  
"Happy birthday, Diana."  
She laughed.  
"Okay...This isn't better than that you don't remember it. You're three months early. What's going on? And what's with _this_ wrapping paper?"  
"Alright, I needed an excuse to give you something. And I asked the paper from Amanda. I said it's for a birthday present. Please open your present."  
She sat on the sofa, took the box and unwrapped it. It was a large box of paints. As soon as she saw it, she threw it on the sofa and barged into his bathroom.  
"What's wrong, Diana?" he walked up to the bathroom door.  
"Pardon my French Loki, but what kind of mindfuckery is this?" She sounded angry, even through the door.  
"Let me assure you this is no such thing."  
"Why does it feel like it then?"  
"I assure you it was not my intention. Diana...Why did you lock yourself into my bathroom?"  
"Because it was the closest door from the sofa. I needed to get away."  
"Why?"  
"It's been ten years Loki. _Ten_ _years_ since I painted. I was a child. Whatever I had is gone, that part of me died. The end. I can't believe you thought..."  
"Diana...Ten years is a blink of an eye. Besides, how can you be so sure, that you've lost it?"  
"I just am."  
There was a silence.  
"Diana, this is ridiculous, discussing through this door. Please come out," Loki said.  
She opened the door, looking very serious and he gave her way. She walked past him back to the sofa, not even looking at the box of paints.  
"But a part of you would still like to do it, paint? Am I correct?"  
She glanced at the box and sighed. He could see she was no longer angry.  
"I honestly don't know. But how did you know...that I used these kind of paints?"  
But she quickly answered her own question.  
"You asked my father, didn't you? You sneaky... _You._ "  
He nodded, and he could actually see how the box attracted her.  
"Besides, I was thinking of commissioning something from you..." he began.  
Her eyebrows shot up.  
"Commissioning something from me? Why Loki, you do sound like a renaissance patron. Well, you do already have a lute. This was the next natural step."  
From her reply he could actually hear he wasn't that far from success.  
"But do tell me...What would it have been? I am curious."  
His eyes looked at the ceiling intently.  
"No way."  
"But Asgardian stars," he said.  
She shook her head.  
"No."  
"Why not? I would like a nicer ceiling. I've stared at this one for quite a few years."  
She was looking at the ceiling now, clearly pondering something.  
"You know...One would have to find out what kind of paint that is in order to find out what kind of primer it would need...In theory, of course. Because I am not even considering this."  
"Of course you're not. But...You _could_ do it as my birthday present. You know you've never given me anything," Loki said with a smirk.  
"The nerve, Loki. Honestly, you don't even know when your birthday is."  
"It could be...January first. Yes, that's my birthday."  
"Liar."  
"Besides, I could help you. I'd be the apprentice of the long-lost master," Loki said smiling his most charming smile.  
Diana looked at the box once more, finally taking it into her hands. And he knew he had succeeded.

...

So after that weekend, they spent also the next weekend planning their new project. He had to explain what kind of star constellations and astronomical phenomena he desired. And she had to revive her skills. But like Loki had suspected, they were still there. They were a part of her.

Two weeks later after the surprise present, on a Saturday morning Loki opened his door. The knock on it had actually woken him up. Diana was there, wearing some sort of overall.  
"Just continue sleeping, don't mind me," she said bringing in a metal ladder. Loki sat on the edge of his bed and just looked while she moved back and forth bringing things in.  
"This is for painting the primer. We have to move some of your stuff so you can still continue living here while we do this. But it is going to smell...Can you move somewhere for few days?"  
She handed a thermos to his hand.  
"Why are you here so early?" Loki asked yawning.  
"I wanted to get as much I can done today. And you're going to help me. For I am the long-lost master. And by the way, you look dashing in those pyjamas."

After that day, Diana spent a lot of time in his room, first on a ladder. She said she would get better scaffolding when she'd start painting the details. But for now, this would do and it was quite straining for her. Although he could help her with painting some parts, like the base black. Diana hadn't indeed forgotten his skills with the fence.

She was taking a break, holding her neck with her other hand and stretching it.  
"Are you sore?"  
"I am. Can you give me neck rub?"  
"I don't know how," Loki answered sincerely. "But if you show me how to do it, I will give you one."  
"Is this your strategy for getting _me_ to give _you_ a neck rub?"  
She was clearly amused.  
"Actually no, but now that I think of it...It is a good strategy."  
After seeing he was actually sincere about it, he did give him one. And he enjoyed it thoroughly.  
"You're really tense, Loki."  
Then he tried to mimic her actions as best he could. And even if his first attempt was sort of clumsy, she enjoyed it thoroughly as well. And she had an amusing flashback.

 _Breath mints incarnated.  
Giving me a neck rub.  
My...life...is...madness._

After some days Loki actually began to be pretty good at giving neck rubs. Because he did continue to offer her this service. And he could notice it from her reactions that he was improving. He honestly had no idea asking her to paint his ceiling would lead to something like this...But even much more than enjoying how she liked his neck rubs, he enjoyed seeing how she thrived. For she truly did. With each brush stroke she seemed to reclaim something of herself.

And sometimes...They just lay on the floor looking at how the image progressed, listening to his records. And those moments Loki kind of loved his life. It had definitely improved a lot that year.


	16. Chapter 16 - The Impossible

**_I'm so happy we are finally at chapter 16! I just am._**

 _ **Background music suggestion: Enya: Aniron. I'd loop it.**_

 ** _The intro song is also in one the best movie of the nineties, Before Sunrise. And the song is just perfect for this chapter. It is ;)_**

 ** _Review, favorite and follow. In which ever order you like :D_**

* * *

 **Chapter 16 – The Impossible**

 _There's a wind that blows in from the north.  
And it says that loving takes this course.  
Come here, come here._

 _No I'm not impossible to touch._  
 _I have never wanted you so much._  
 _Come here, come here._

 _Have I never laid down by your side._  
 _Baby, let's forget about this pride._  
 _Come here, come here._

 _Well I'm in no hurry._  
 _You don't have to run away this time._  
 _I know that you're timid._  
 _But it's gonna be all right this time._

 _\- Kath Bloom: Come Here_

 _..._

Diana was sitting on Loki's shoulders, a paintbrush in her other and the palette in her other hand.  
"We could still go get the ladder back," she said dipping her brush in the black paint.  
"Now where would be the fun in that?" He chuckled.  
"But next time...Do remember to sign your work."  
"I will."

...

"I want to see what it looks like when you wake up," Diana said throwing herself onto Loki's bed. She made space for him so he fit next to her. He got the clue and was soon next to her.  
They looked at the painting in silence.  
"What does the 'E' stand for?" Loki suddenly asked. He was looking at her signature, ' _Diana E. Knowles'_.  
"Evangeline. It's my second name."  
" _Evangeline._ " He tasted her name. Then, he turned to look at her and she turned to look at him. The setting was very much a dejavu of their evening in Middle-earth. They were a mere feet away. Only now it was his bed.  
"So you are, in fact, the goddess of hunt and bearer of good news."  
"I guess I am.  
"My mother chose that name, Evangeline...She had her beliefs."  
"And what beliefs were those?"  
"She was both Jewish and Christian...I know it sounds a bit confusing but she was. And she thought such things as good news existed and still she..."  
Loki waited her to continue.  
"She left us. Actually, in a way it was the reason she left us...Because I guess the illness warped the whole thing.  
Loki was curious, but she didn't want to push her. She had been more open lately.  
"I don't remember her very well but I remember she had this sad smile. You know...When my father found her, he thought she was sleeping. And he told me about it when I was eleven and he finally showed me the note. I know he still keeps it between his Bible. I memorized it. It said...'Diana and Alan. I love you. But I cannot live here anymore...In these Shadowlands. I need to go home. Forgive me.'"  
She was so calm.  
"Really...She's a legend to me, my mother, not a real person. Esther Knowles."  
Loki just looked at her feeling so much affection.

They were still looking at the painting in the dim light. It did feel like they were looking an actual sky of stars. Asgardian stars.  
"So what do you wish as a payment for this commission?" Loki asked.  
"I thought it was your birthday present, of all time," Diana said.  
"Yes...But is there anything else you would wish? I would like to express my gratitude."  
What she then asked...Well, she couldn't quite explain later to herself how she even dared to ask it.  
"Well...Could I have a kiss?"  
"A kiss?" Loki sounded confused.  
"Yes, a kiss."  
They faced each other again and she could see he looked quite serious. And he actually looked very sorry.  
"Diana..."  
He had suddenly so much sadness in his voice.  
"I'm afraid some things are in more ways than one impossible for me."  
Diana nodded. She understood.  
"I know, Loki. I've always...kind of guessed that."  
There was a silence. Loki actually tried to remember when was the last time he had kissed someone. And he did remember it. It had been over a hundred years ago, on Vanaheim, and it had led to such disappointments. After that, he had decided to quit the whole thing until he would find someone...who would be undeniably worth it. He looked Diana in the eyes.  
"It's just that..."  
She immediately cut him off.  
"You don't have to explain. I'm happy with what we have. You're my best friend. You are. And can we just forget I ever asked this?"  
What followed next, Loki couldn't quite explain to himself later.  
"I do not think we can. For Diana Evangeline Knowles, it would appear I'm prepared to do the impossible for you."  
In a moment Loki cupped her face and leaned to press his lips onto hers. He saw the surprise in her eyes when he did this, and she looked almost shocked when their lips actually made contact. But then, in a second she just closed her eyes, and he closed his too.

Her lips were soft, and Loki controlled his own, their movement and pressure very carefully so that the kiss was as tender as it could be, and he felt how her lips replied, first carefully and then more. And he realized she tasted like oranges and indeed he remembered seeing her eat one not that long ago. But he could sense there was another taste, a much more interesting taste, beneath there, but he couldn't quite analyze it though.

What Loki had done had taken Diana completely by surprise. Yes, it had been the most pleasant surprise but now...It somehow felt like he was kissing her from distance. His lips were indeed there, giving her the sweetest kiss, but _he_ just wasn't there. Not in _that_ way. And she actually began to feel a bit sad.

Loki varied the movements of his lips a little bit and was almost about to get some idea of that other taste when his mind suddenly went absolutely, painfully blank. It was like a shot of light entered his brains. And the kiss ended abruptly, Loki's eyes shot open. And he could now see Diana's eyes in front of him that were filled with worry.  
"I'm so sorry Loki. That I made you do this. I didn't mean...Are you alright?"  
He nodded.  
"I am...And I honestly don't know what that was," he said sincerely.  
Diana guessed he had somehow violated his own limits. She gave him a compassionate smile.  
"You are a great kisser. That was the best kiss I've ever had."  
Her voice was so bittersweet.  
"Thank you," Loki said feebly.  
"But _what_ can we do now to make things normal again?" Diana asked with desperation in her eyes.  
She could see Loki was thinking.  
"Well, we could have tea. At least that seems to be Dr. Allsop's solution to each and every awkward situation..."  
He seemed to be more his normal self now. Diana couldn't help giving a small chuckle at his words.  
"Really?" she asked.  
"Yes. You _wouldn't_ believe the amount of tea I've drank in that room..."  
Loki shook his head. Diana was chuckling now.  
"I mean...I've probably drank oceans of that liquid. She just keeps pushing it."  
"You mean...she's a tea-pusher?" Diana managed asking, clearly holding back her laughter.  
Loki nodded, biting his lower lip just a bit.  
"Yes...She's the worst kind. Because you know, one just cannot say no to her."  
She now laughed, and Loki laughed too. After calming down, she could see he wanted to say something.  
"But Diana...I do like being close to you. I _do_."  
"I know," she said. "A hug?"  
He nodded and smiled. And so she wrapped her arms around him and he wrapped his around her, and they just held each other and it was very comfortable. They hadn't actually done this before. Indeed, it was so comfortable they almost fell asleep there holding each other...But he did eventually walk her back home.

...

After that evening Loki had the dream for the first time. She was there, Diana. She led him, holding his hand, through the little forest at the asylum grounds. There was a heavy cool mist, but she had a firm grip, her hand was warm. Her dark-brown hair was flowing in the wind. He had always liked it when her hair was open like that. She wore a dark green dress that also flowed as she moved. Then suddenly she turned to look back at him and his heart fluttered. She smiled and he could've sworn the look in her eyes was filled with...love.

Soon then they arrived to the edge of the forest and the border of the grounds, by the stone wall. There was a gate that he didn't remember. She let go of his hand and opened it. She walked through and reached her hand, expecting him to follow. He hesitated. He knew he could not cross. The magic would hurt him. He shook his head.  
 _"I cannot."_  
She frowned and looked him straight in the eyes and from her lips left only one word.  
 _"Forgive."  
_ He knew what she meant, in each and every way. She was still holding out her hand, waiting for him to take hold of it. Everything in her being was reaching out for him, pleading him to do it. And then he knew he would. With one deep breath, he took the step and took her hand, walking through the gate. And nothing happened. Nothing hurt him and relief washed over him. And her smile, it was radiant. She tightened her grip and pulled him as she began to run. He followed her, through a forest trail. And as they ran, the mist slowly faded away and the sun broke through.

Then suddenly she came to a full stop. They were on the edge of a beautiful meadow. The sky was almost clear, and he could feel the warmth of the sunshine. The scent in the air was like one after summer rain. Then Diana turned towards him, taking now hold of his both hands.

 _"I knew you could do it,"_ she said with a knowing smile.

He felt then as if he saw her for the first time. Truly saw her. Had she always been this beautiful? Standing there in front of him, she suddenly closed her eyes and began to sing. It was a very old Asgardian folk song. He knew it. And her voice was so beautiful. And he couldn't take his eyes off her...He was mesmerized. And so she sang, holding his hands, of the creation of Yggdrasil, of the great fall, of new beginnings and of new hearts. And of One Beyond Time.

When she finished the song she looked at him very intently. Her eyes were piercing his soul, igniting a sweet flame there. And that moment Loki cupped her face and kissed her and felt how that small flame flashed into a fire inside of him. She tasted like forest after summer rain. He deepened their kiss and felt he was drinking her like water from a mountain spring. He felt like his soul wanted to melt into hers.

And then he woke up. Slowly his mind returned from the dreamworld and he realized he was staring at the stars of his ceiling. But the dream was lingering in his mind. He still felt Diana's beauty, its vastness, her bright heart, her hope for him. He could still almost taste the kiss. And yes, it truly felt that he had seen her for the first time. The burning feeling he had inside frightened him, but yet he could not stop repeating the memory of the dream in his head - over and over again.

And in the morning Loki remembered what was the name of the song Diana had sung in his dream.  
It had been _the Song of the New Beginning_.


	17. Chapter 17 - The Awkward Phase

_**What just happened?  
I promise there's gonna be a New Year's Eve Party...very soon. **_

_**Background music suggestion: Craig Armstrong: Love Actually Suite, Love actually soundtrack (youtube video)**_

 _ **Re-review, fo-follow, fa-favourite. Ple-please! :D**_

* * *

 **Chapter 17 - The Awkward Phase**

 _I'm so in love with you_ _  
I'm so in love with you_  
 _Whether it is right or it's wrong_  
 _I'm too weak to be strong_  
 _I'm so in love with you_

 _\- Texas: So in Love with You_

...

The following day it became very clear to Loki there was something he could experience again. _Desire_. It also became very clear to him that the one whom he desired was a Midgardian woman named Diana Knowles. And soon he realized it was in fact more than desire, for he was in love with her, and in a way he had never been with anyone, ever before in his long life.

Something had changed in that kiss. Somehow what Thanos had done to him had been undone, in that painful flash of light. Loki didn't understand it, how this came to be, but it truly had happened. And he was quite sure _she_ had played the most integral role in this. And he was quite confused...Afterwards he understood the process was already taking place in that embrace he had shared with Diana. He had been more and more aware of her each and every moment but it had been so gradual that he had not understood it then. Then, there was the dream, and it _most definitely_ accelerated the process. Loki guessed these feelings had been there in him, all that time...just waiting for to be released.

And now, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He was actually in a way embarrassed, for he was no longer a 600-year-old Aesir adolescent, but he did feel like one. He lost his appetite. He couldn't sleep. He just thought about her. Actually he felt really sick at times. And the whole week he just waited for Friday evening. And _her_. And the thought of actually meeting her made him also kind of sick, somehow in the best possible way. Just thinking about her caused this very strong reaction in his guts...He prayed it would tone down because he didn't see how he could spend time with her anymore if this continued. Also, his mind was such a scramble, and he didn't know what all this would turn out to be...But he just couldn't help thinking about her, longing her, every moment. He just wanted to be with her.

Diana thought about the kiss a lot that week and felt sorry for Loki...He was such a sweet mess. Actually, at first she also felt sorry for herself but then she firmly decided she wouldn't let this put her down. Because _so_ many good things had happened and she simply cherished their relationship, as it was. She understood that Loki was a very troubled man and she knew from the outside her situation must have looked so very sad...For she was in love with a person with severe mental problems. _Yes_ , she _had_ realized she was in love with Loki. That summer had been a point of no return. But she had decided she wouldn't act upon it...But then, she had made that irrational request for the kiss. She just couldn't understand herself. She came to the conclusion her heart had just _so_ badly wanted something...and the rest of her had not been able to refuse. But she vowed she wouldn't let such a thing happen again.

Friday finally came and in the morning Loki got Diana's message that she would come on Saturday because of some work situation. It felt like the end of the world for Loki. Although he did try to scoff himself for this reaction. And he just sighed at the thought that her arrival was postponed for yet another long day and for another long night.

...

Saturday afternoon there was a familiar knock on Loki's door.  
"Come in," Diana heard Loki's voice and opened the door.  
She threw her coat on the same spot as always and sat on the sofa, leaving a bag next to it. Loki was on the bed reading.  
"Hi Loki."  
"Hello Diana...How was your journey?" Loki replied, behind his book.  
"Okay. Saturdays are always nicer on the train..."  
She thought that Loki seemed a bit odd because he hadn't actually looked at her. He usually greeted her in a more courteous way. Diana thought that perhaps he was just so concentrated in that book...She looked at the cover and it did actually seem interesting. She had been quite sure that everything had become normal after the kiss. Loki had walked her home that night and they had a nice chat on the way, and she had given him a quick hug on the doorstep and everything had just seemed normal. So very normal. Diana grabbed a book from the floor, lifted her feet on a footstool and started browsing the novel idly.

Loki finally dared looked at her, afraid of what would happen. And he did look at her and he did see her, the _same way_ as in the dream, and his heart very much fluttered and for a moment he felt that he stopped breathing.

Diana noticed that Loki looked at her and returned his look briefly. She was about to return to her book but then looked back at him.  
"Is everything okay, Loki? You look...a bit ill," she asked worried.  
Loki swallowed.  
"I'm alright. I just haven't slept that well lately."  
Suddenly she had such compassion in her eyes. It just _killed_ him.  
"Is it...the nightmares?"  
Loki kept staring at her. He couldn't take his eyes off her.  
" _No_ , no...I haven't had them for some time. This has been...insomnia."  
"I'm so sorry to hear that."  
She knitted her brow.  
"Has your insomnia something to do with...what happened the last time I was here?" she asked in a wary voice.  
Loki immediately shook his head.  
" _No_. Diana, there is no need for you to worry about that."  
She nodded.  
"Really," Loki added and gave the most reassuring smile that he could. Diana smiled back at him and his heart fluttered a bit more.

They both went on reading for some time. Or actually Diana did. Loki couldn't finish a single sentence. Diana finally broke the silence. She sighed heavily.  
"You can't believe what happened last Wednesday...I accidentally ended up on a blind date."  
"A date?" Loki immediately asked.  
"Yes...Beth set me up. You do remember Beth? She lived at my dorm. So I was just supposed to go eat with her and then suddenly there was this Mark, a linguist of sorts, who was a friend of Andrew, Beth's boyfriend. So we went to eat at a restaurant...Nothing too fancy. And sure, this Mark was a nice guy, but I don't think I would have gone out with him in any other circumstances...And I think he also instantly realized it just lacked the spark."  
"The spark?"  
"You know, that something...The spark."  
Loki nodded.  
"Yes, I can...imagine what you mean."

Suddenly Diana seemed to remember something and she bent down to get something from her bag. It was a rather large book.  
"I almost forgot...I wanted to show you something. It's one of the new books that arrived at the library yesterday and I instantly snatched it. It had some really nice art photographs I wanted to show you."

Soon Loki was sitting on the sofa next to her. He did look at the book and he did enjoy the incredibly beautiful photographs. But even more, he enjoyed her voice, her scent, her expressions, her smile and each and every word that left her mouth. And her eyes...For every moment he felt it was possible and appropriate he would look into them. And every time his heart would flutter.


	18. Chapter 18 - Party of Bad Romance

_**December 31, 2016 Happy New Year's Eve! And if you're reading this some other day in the future, happy day to you too!**_

 ** _This chapter is dedicated to Tom Hiddleston and Lady Gaga._**

 ** _Background music suggestion: just go for it, Lady Gaga: Bad Romance.  
The slow song at the party is Muse: Blackout. And its mood..._too_ perfect!  
The credit from these song lyrics naturally go to their creators. _**

_**Review, follow, favorite, but most importantly...Dance more! :D**_

* * *

 **Chapter 18 - The Party of Bad Romance**

 _I want your horror  
I want your design  
'Cause you're a criminal  
As long as your mine  
I want your love  
Love-love-love  
I want your love_

 _\- Lady Gaga: Bad Romance_

 _..._

What Loki felt for Diana didn't exactly tone down but he felt he could control his reactions a bit better. He was definitely trying to learn to live with it. What made this a bit easier during that December was that Diana wanted to do some retouching to the painting on his ceiling.  
"I wouldn't meddle with a masterpiece," Loki said but she insisted she couldn't live without making a few changes. So Diana spent some time again on the ladder working in a concentrated manner. There was a serene atmosphere in the room then, and Loki was doing his own projects. He just enjoyed being around her, more than ever.

While Diana was painting she noticed Loki was learning some new song with the lute. She had not heard it before. It was definitely a folk song...A beautiful one. She could also hear Loki was singing it at times, quietly but still. She couldn't quite make out what he was singing about but she liked the tone of the song, and Loki had a very nice, soft baritone voice.

She had just descended from the ladder.  
"Loki...Would you mind giving me a neck rub?"  
There was a moment of silence.  
"Sure...why not."

She sure wasn't making his life any easier.

 _..._

It was New Year's Eve. There was always a party at the gathering hall of the hospital. It would gather the staff together to receive the new year. Diana had always liked to help with decorating and this year too the whole room was lit with chains of Christmas lights dangling from the ceiling. This year however, Diana's father didn't feel like attending. Lately he had been feeling tired.

" _Pleeease_ ," Diana said stretching the word, trying to coax Loki to attend with her.  
"I'm a patient, it's a staff party. What would _I_ do there? In fact, what would _you_? You are not staff," he said sitting sideways on his sofa.  
"Dance, drink, be merry? And you know I always go there."  
"But I'd be the odd one," Loki said calmly, turning a page and raising his index finger to his lips. She hated when he always did this, he looked _too_ good.  
"Loki, no one would wonder. Based on the way everyone treats you there, one would think you practically run the place," Diana scoffed and sat on his bed in a deliberately aggressive manner. Loki contemplated what she said was actually true. During these years he had wrapped everyone around his finger.  
"Besides, you'd be my escort since my father is not coming. But sure, you can just sit here. Have a good time."  
"Alright. Come pick me up at eight."  
She had won this battle of persuasion after all.

This party was a bad idea, Loki was sure of it. He had actually even considered of somehow distancing himself from Diana because of what she was doing to him...But then he had abandoned the idea in a split second. For he did not wish to distance himself from her at all.

...

Diana knocked at his door.  
"Come in," she heard Loki's voice.  
She opened the door. He was rolling the sleeve of his shirt and stood sideways from her. He was wearing a tight-fitting black dress shirt, the other sleeve now rolled up to reveal his arm. He also had black slacks. His hair was slicked back a bit, just to keep it in check. Diana thought this look totally suited him. In fact, she thought he looked gorgeous.  
"You look good," she said. "You could advertise expensive watches. Or quality aftershave."  
Loki rolled his eyes and then turned to look at Diana. And for a second he stood there blinking for she looked...stunning. She was wearing a short black dress that had a cut that revealed her delicate collar bones. And her legs...She wore high heels and black tights, and something in her actually reminded Loki of a feline creature. It took him a few moments to get his composure back. While doing this he began rolling his other sleeve.  
"You don't look that bad yourself."  
"Let's go!" Diana sounded so excited.

They had a lot of punch. Loki even more than her. Diana could not help wondering that he tolerated alcohol extremely well. He didn't seem to lose any of his coordination or start babbling, or anything like that. There had been food and some party games. And now the two of them were leaning on the wall, faced towards the area that had been transformed into a dance floor.

"And yet somehow _I_ am the one considered crazy here," Loki said with an evil smirk watching the crowd of people dancing. It was dark and lights were flashing. The beat of the music filled the atmosphere of the room. Bass made its way to their ribcages. One song ended and another one started. A woman's voice began to sing.

 _Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!  
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!_

Diana's face immediately lit up.

 _Rah rah ah-ah-ah!  
Ro mah ro-mah-mah_

"I love this song! It's Lady Gaga. Let's dance!"  
"I do not dance," Loki said and looked at his knuckles. And yet...Diana saw something in him that made her sure he didn't mean that.  
"Okay. You probably _can't_ dance, am I right?" she said trying to lure him. She had a feeling he wanted to be lured.  
"You think that is it? Lack of skill?" Loki scoffed.  
And then he did something that Diana swore she'd remember till the end of her days. He bounced himself off the wall and walked to the dance floor, claiming his space. He turned to face Diana and gave her a wicked grin.

 _You know that I want you_  
 _And you know that I need you_  
 _I want it bad_  
 _Your bad romance_

He lifted his hands slowly, palms facing upwards, like he was a priest beginning a mass or something. Then he cast his glance downwards and lowered his hands. And all of a sudden he started to dance. Diana's mouth fell agape.

 _I want your love and  
I want your revenge  
You and me could write a bad romance_

He was a _good_ dancer. Yes, he _could_ shuffle. The way he moved his long limbs was hypnotic to watch. Diana simply _devoured_ the moves with her eyes. She could have watched it all night. But suddenly Loki froze and looked at her straight in the eyes. And then, he began to slowly walk towards her. His head was slightly tilted and a mischievous smile graced his lips. Diana couldn't help thinking he moved like a predator and looked at her like one. When he was close to her he simply held his hand out. She took it. And so he led her to the dance floor, holding his gaze. And they danced.

 _I want your psycho,  
your vertigo shtick_  
 _Want you in my rear window_  
 _Baby you're sick,  
I want your love_  
 _Love-love-love,  
I want your love_

Dancing with Loki was _mad_ fun. But there was actually a part in the song that made Diana happy that it was so dark. For she truly did blush.

 _I don't wanna be friends,  
I don't wanna be friends_  
 _Want your bad romance_

Loki's last move was a spin ending around with his hands above his head like a buddha, then lowering them back down to his opening position. She could see his chest moving, but he wasn't even badly out of breath. She still had that very intense look in his eyes. He offered Diana his hand again and led her back to their place, by the wall.  
"You rock!" Diana lifted herself on her toes to say this closer to his ear. The music was so loud.  
"Excuse me?" he asked "I am _what_?" he shouted over the music.  
"I just meant that was the best thing I've _ever_ seen...And I have to say, quite sexy!" she said nodding her head once in very decisive manner.  
He gave her a toothy smile.  
"Yes, that is my speciality."  
"You know what, you should call that the Loki dance!"  
"Well, why not," he grinned.  
He was now leaning on the wall kind sideways, looking at her.  
"You know Diana...You look kind of delicious. Totally edible."  
Both her eyebrows shot up immediately.

 _W-what?  
Was he actually flirting with her?  
_  
"Wow, Loki, you must be really drunk", Diana laughed to release the tension.  
"Perhaps I am. Perhaps I am not. But we need to dance more," Loki said, and he took her hand and led her back to the dance floor. And they danced more. Soon, another song began and Diana couldn't help laughing at the end of it, when she realized what it sounded like.

 _We're up all night to get lucky._

Loki looked at her, his face a question mark.  
"It sounds like your name!" she shouted. "Lucky! Lo-ki!"  
He got what she meant and gave her a deliciously devious grin.  
A bit later, one of his moves, a hip thing that was kind of suggestive, made Diana almost fold up with laughter.  
"Do you have a name for that move?" she shouted to him.  
"Yes!" he said "It's the snake hips!"  
"No way!" Diana laughed so hard she had to retreat back next to the wall to catch her breath. Loki shortly followed and they refilled their punch glasses.  
"You kill me. Literally kill me," Diana said.  
"Don't tempt me. I'll go fetch a book," Loki said to her smirking and took a sip from his glass.  
"And I don't get it. You can drink gallons of this stuff and it does what...nothing to you?"  
"It's the frost giant physique," he shrugged.  
"Oh yes...Can I call you Frosty? Or Snowflake?"  
Loki thought she was clearly more open because of intoxication.  
"No, you cannot, _you puny mortal_ ," he whispered this to her in the most seductive tone. Diana gave a laugh and totally flushed.

Loki could not remember the last time he had this much fun. And it was the asylum's staff party. Madness, his life was.

At some point the mirror ball was turned on and the room was suddenly filled with little specks of light, dancing on the walls. The music changed, people found their partners. Diana and Loki were still leaning on the wall, looking at the dancing couples, listening to the slow music in silence. Diana thought the night had been amazing. Loki had been amazing, and now she could have an excuse...To be close to him again. She knew such thoughts were in a way a dead end but tonight she just didn't want to think about that. She just wanted him, at least if she was honest with herself. She could hear the song was now changing...It was her moment. So she took a deep breath.  
"Would you like to dance?"

"Yes."  
Loki had answered before he even realized it. It was so dark so he couldn't see her expression. Only the strange swirling rain of light was lighting her beautiful form. He held his hand out to her and hers was so warm. He led her to the dance floor and they faced each other. She looked up and finally he could see her face. She was smiling, her eyes looked so dark and captivating. She closed the gap between them and leaned her head against his chest, encircling her arms around his waist. Loki held his breath and told himself to relax. He guessed she could feel his heartbeat. And it was fast. He put his arms around her. And so they began to dance in silence to the dreamy waltz-like music.

 _Don't kid yourself  
And don't fool yourself  
This love's too good to last  
And I'm too old to dream_

Loki couldn't help but listening to the words of the song. They were clinging to his soul. And he inhaled the delicious scent of her hair. It was lilacs...Holding Diana in that rain of light just felt so surreal. But she was real.

 _Don't grow up too fast  
And don't embrace the past  
This life's too good to last  
And I'm too young to care_

Diana just took in his scent. It reminded her of a dark wintery day in the forest... She could feel his heart beating and she wondered if he could feel that hers beat equally fast too. And Loki felt how Diana held him just a little bit tighter. They danced in silence and eventually the song ended and somehow both of them felt it was too soon...  
"I'm feeling a bit sick," Loki suddenly heard Diana's voice from below.  
They broke their embrace and he looked at her with concern.  
"What's the matter?"  
"Let's just say that I don't have the frost giant physique."  
He suggested that she could rest on his sofa and she accepted the offer. He walked her to his room, supporting her from the waist.


	19. Chapter 19 - So Close

_**Happy New Year 2017! And great day also to all those who don't read this 01.01.2017.**_

 ** _Background music suggestion: Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox version of 'Creep'. Just loop that thing.  
_**

 ** _About the intro song. That moment you realize one of your favourite love songs is 20 years old, it is an interesting moment. Time...is an interesting concept._**

 ** _Review, follow, favorite.  
And thank you so much for reading! _**

* * *

**Chapter 19 - So Close**

 _So put your arms around me  
_ _You let me believe that you are someone else  
_ _Cause only time can take you  
_ _So let me believe  
_ _That I am someone else_

 _\- Texas: Put Your Arms Around Me_

 _..._

The moment they entered the room, Diana rushed to the bathroom. Loki could hear some sounds that were nasty enough for him to know she was emptying the content of her stomach. Then he could hear the water running for quite some time. Seeing her this weak was somehow very difficult for him.  
"Are you alright?" he finally had to ask through the door worried.  
"Yeah, just a moment," he could hear her voice.  
Finally she came, looking a bit drained. She kicked her shoes off and rested on the sofa, on her back.  
"It's just amazing how much more peaceful one feels after throwing up...Did I just say that aloud? I'm _so_ sorry."  
"But you are feeling better?" he asked smiling affectionately.  
She nodded.  
"Yes, but I could have a glass of water."  
Loki went to get her one.

"I don't want to go to sleep yet," Diana said putting the glass down on the coffee table. Then she patted the place on the sofa next to her and Loki sat there. The room was dimly lit. The darkness of night offered itself through the window. Some branches were waving in the wind.  
"You want to listen to some music?"  
She took her cell phone from her purse.  
"I really like this...They play new songs in all sorts of old styles. The Postmodern Jukebox."  
Loki found that the song she put on was laid back, kind of sad. The woman was singing about being a creep. They listened in silence. Diana was soon resting on the sofa so that her legs were on Loki's lap. He didn't mind, at all.  
"So Loki Laufeyson… _Who_ are you, really?"  
He couldn't help but staring at her.  
"That's a strange question. You have known me for years."  
"I know, I know...You are Loki of Asgard."  
"Well...Would you like me to tell you that I'm Luke Laufeyson from London and _lie_ to you?  
He was suddenly quite serious. And he continued in the same tone.  
"Diana, what if I said that _everything_ I've ever told you has been the truth. In fact I've never lied to you."  
Incredibly this was true.  
"I might have left some things out, but I have never truly lied," he added.  
Loki thought to himself that the punch did seem to have an effect on him after all, apparently it loosened his tongue. Diana just stared at Loki. He had just seemed so...sincere in a way.  
"Yes, hiding things _is_ always so much better than just straight-up lying," Diana said attempting to sound light. But she did think there was something odd about his words...It never seemed like madness to discern whether one was lying or not. Moments like this always confused her. And this was definitely not the first one during these years...She lifted herself up and arranged herself closer to him, very close in fact, her back was now leaning against him. Loki didn't mind. Not at all.  
"Can you tell me of Asgard?" Diana said before she even could stop herself.  
Loki gave her a curious look. She had never asked such a thing.  
"Why of course."  
And so he began to tell her of Asgard, the realm eternal. Diana closed her eyes and she slowly slid down so that her head was soon resting on Loki's thigh. He truly didn't mind this. She looked like she was enjoying what he was telling her.

Diana thought Loki's voice was like a soothing river, running with deep and dark water. It made her insides tremble. He told her of mighty waterfalls and of the golden city...Of the Bifrost and the Rainbow bridge and of the dusk that never ended. He described the palace and the people who lived there...Their habits, their feasts...Diana couldn't help being in awe of how he told it all so vividly, painting such images with his words. And she could feel his affection towards the things that he described and also something else, an inner conflict of some sorts...And Diana could not get rid of the feeling. Yes, she knew that it was part of madness that one did not think oneself mad. That one truly believed the things oneself. But still...everything in her told her that Loki was telling her of something real, of something he had seen with his own eyes. She couldn't help thinking this part of his madness was somehow...so beautiful, and she could feel her heart just wanted to believe him so badly.

Later they were still on the sofa, now in comfortable silence, still listening to the music.  
"Loki...I've always wanted to say this. You don't belong here. "  
"I do actually do." he said.  
"Why are you so sure of that?"  
"Because this is my punishment."  
He knew it was unwise to talk this way, but the night had unscrambled something inside of him. And that punch, of course.  
"Your punishment?" she asked. "How can _this_ be your punishment?"  
"This was seen more fitting than a prison. They deemed that I wasn't entirely accountable for my actions."  
He cut himself off. She probably had no idea what he was talking about...  
"Were you? Accountable?" Diana asked, as if she had understood exactly what he had said.  
Loki was a bit surprised by her question...He looked at his hands.  
"Well, I had it in me...All of it. But it was taken out of me and fueled into something...I could no longer control."  
This was the strangest conversation ever, he thought.  
Diana could see the subject was causing him pain and she didn't want cause him pain. She didn't want to ruin his night.  
"Loki, I didn't mean to get you down."  
"It's alright," he said giving a bittersweet smile. The soft music was still playing in the background.  
"But now...that I feel better, could we dance to another song? I would have wanted to dance more."  
"Here?" Loki raised his eyebrows.  
"Why not? We've done it before."  
"Indeed we have..." he chuckled softly.

...

Soon they were dancing in the middle of his room. There was a tranquility in the way they held each other, both deep in their thoughts, sweetly drown in the music and in each other's presence.

Suddenly Diana looked at her cell phone on the table.  
"Hey, it's almost time."  
"Almost time for what?"  
"Midnight!"  
"Ah, of course. You humans and your solar calendars…" Loki muttered smiling.

Following a sudden impulse, Diana grabbed Loki's hand and dragged him back by the sofa. Yes, she thought this was her _best_ idea ever. Even better than trying to fool him when she got to the university...She was feeling a bit wild.  
"And what might we be doing?" Loki asked amused, following her lead.

Perhaps she had had bit too much punch...and a bit too much of Loki. He had really messed her mind on that dance floor. She actually turned him so that he was now facing the wall, his legs almost touching the sofa. Then she leaped on the sofa, turning towards him. She was now right in front of him, her face so close to his, her eyes on the same level.  
" _Aha_ , so _this_ is what it feels like?" she laughed.  
Loki was shaking his head, suppressing a smile. That night she had been...A bit wild. He liked it. Her eyes were smiling. He found it intoxicating being able to look so straight into them, so effortlessly. She had slight difficulties holding her balance on the soft sofa, so her hand took support from his shoulder. He didn't mind. Diana glanced down at the phone of the table.  
"Two more minutes to go."  
"What happens then?"  
"Well...We move to the next year."  
"That's it?"  
"I don't want to spoil the surprise."  
She had mischief in her smile.  
"One more minute…"  
She was looking at her phone on the table. Loki had time to notice how lovely lashes she had.  
Then the time on the screen was 00:00.  
"Happy new year!" she practically screamed throwing her arms around his neck.  
Yes, he had actually anticipated something like this.  
He had _hoped_ for something like this.  
"Happy new year," Loki replied, putting his arms around her. On the sofa she was standing so tall that his fingers were now touching her upper back, her bare skin. He didn't move his hands and he wasn't sure whether this was his best or worst idea ever...Because if just looking her in the eyes had been thrilling, touching her skin was almost unbearable. He was suddenly trying very hard to think the glaciers of Jotunheim on the most freezing day. And that did help a bit. He closed his eyes and a content smile rose to his lips...It just felt so good to hold her. She felt _so_ good.

Diana pulled back just slightly to look at him, her face mere inches from his. She noticed his eyes were now closed and he was smiling. Actually it was his most rare, boyish smile that graced his lips. It made him look...so young, so innocent.  
"Happy birthday, Loki Laufeyson," Diana whispered and placed the most tender, soft kiss on his cheek. She remained there just a moment even after the kiss, inhaling his scent...And when she pulled back she could see how Loki now looked at her a bit confused, as she had suspected he would. Diana just shook her head, smiling mischievously.  
"I _knew_ it...You forgot, didn't you? Your _own_ birthday, I cannot believe it..." she said feigning surprise.  
 _"January first_ , remember?"  
Loki tried to look as innocent as possible, making Diana give the sweetest laughter. They were still holding each other, neither of them seemed to have any intention of letting go. Suddenly Loki looked very thoughtful.  
"But now that you did bring it up, since it _is_ my birthday..."  
She had somehow the best and worst feeling about where this sentence was going.  
"Could I ask for something?"  
Yes, his words and the look in his eyes...Diana couldn't help that her heart began to beat faster.  
"Sure."  
"Well, could you give me... _a kiss_?"  
Somehow she had just known he would ask this.  
"But...I just gave you one," she hesitated.  
He looked at her very intensely, smiling.  
"I was asking for a _different_ kind of kiss."  
She still felt unsure. She remembered what had happened last time. But now, _he_ had asked this...And she already knew she could not deny him his wish.  
"A-are you sure? _Absolutely_ sure? That you want _that_ kind of kiss?"  
" _Yes,_ " Loki said at looking her the way he had looked at her many times during that night.  
"Well...it _is_ your birthday. So I _guess_ I could give you...what you wish."  
She smiled a bit nervously, and since they were on the same level now, this was actually quite easy for her. Her arms were still around his neck, and his emerald eyes looked at hers and she understood that he was very much _waiting_...So she braced herself, leaned forward and pressed her lips onto his, closing her eyes.

And this time, he _was_ there. In that kiss. _Fully_. _All_ of him. Indeed, she actually felt like bursting into tears because she could feel all that love and desire, almost painfully. He held her tighter as the kiss intensified, and the last nearly coherent thought that passed through her mind before the kiss irrevocably swept her away had definitely something to do with _the spark._

This was not the glaciers of Jotunheim anymore. No, the element was now very much fire and he wanted to burn with her. They caught their breath for a moment and continued kissing. And it felt their souls were now trying to do something quite impossible...melt into one other. And somehow few minutes later, Diana had wrapped her legs around him and he had lifted her and pinned her against the closest available wall and he had begun to fervently plant kisses on her collarbone.  
"Loki...I thought this was impossible," Diana suddenly said out of breath.  
In a second he faced her.  
"It was...But let me assure you, it is no more," Loki said looking her in the eyes intensely. She didn't quite understand what he meant, but then she didn't have time to think about it, because he pressed his lips onto hers, giving her another amazing kiss. Her last coherent thought this time was definitely birth control...Then Loki began kissing her neck very eagerly making her nearly faint. And approximately that moment Diana could feel how her body miserably failed her. She felt sick again.  
"Loki...I know this is the worst moment ever...I feel sick again."  
She actually wanted to cry. Loki immediately landed her down gently and she went to the bathroom. Seeing her this way again, it reminded Loki of a thought he never allowed himself to think about. And now, it had again nearly surfaced. He pushed it back. After some time Diana returned from the bathroom looking quite weak. Loki immediately walked up to her taking her hands into his.  
"Are you alright?"  
"I am...But I need to eat something. I think that's one reason I'm feeling so sick...If you don't count all that punch."  
"Please, lie down and let me get you something," Loki said guiding her to his bed. He left the room and returned after some time. Then Diana got up and ate a little.  
"Can I just sleep here, in your bed?" she asked resting there again.  
"Why of course, but won't your father..."  
"Loki, he'll be fine."  
"And...could I borrow those fancy pyjamas of yours?" she said smiling sweetly.  
"Most certainly," he said returning her smile.  
Soon she returned from the bathroom wearing his black silk pyjamas. She had to wrap the sleeves and legs for it was far too large for her. Loki thought she looked adorable.  
"You sleep in luxury," Diana said slipping under covers. Loki was sitting on the sofa, wearing now only his pyjama bottoms.  
"Are you...coming?" she asked, sounding a bit wary.  
"I was thinking I could sleep on the sofa so you have more space there."  
Then she looked him straight in his eyes.  
"But what if...I wanted you here?"  
Loki pondered about this for a moment, and he couldn't help but following his heart's desire. He was soon there next to her and he was a bit startled when Diana immediately put her arms around him.  
"Loki, could we just continue...?  
He shook his head with a heartbreaking smile.  
"Believe me Diana, there is nothing I would like to do more, but _now_ I realize you are in no condition..."  
"I hope you don't think I am drunk..." she furrowed her brow and extracted herself from the embrace.  
Loki could see she was hurt that he had turned her down even if she did try to hide it.  
"No, I did not mean that...But you are clearly not feeling that well."  
Diana still looked quite hurt, and Loki then lifted her chin gently making her look him directly in the eyes.  
"I didn't say I didn't _want_ to."  
Diana nodded and gave a faint smile. She looked thoughtful.  
"Well, could you then just..." she began looking a bit insecure.  
"Put your arms around me?"  
He looked her deep in the eyes and nodded, and then did exactly what she requested. They were now again in a very comfortable embrace. And he could see she still wanted to ask him something.  
"Loki..."  
She had the strangest look in her eyes.  
"What is it?"  
He could see she hesitated.  
"I was just thinking...Could you sing to me?"  
Her request had caught him by surprise, and she noticed that.  
"That song you're always practicing...that folk song."  
"Ah...So you have noticed..." Loki looked down and actually smiled in a way that made him look kind of shy.

But he could not deny Diana her wish. So she pressed her head against his chest and he closed his eyes and began to quietly sing to her, in that embrace. She thought it was the most beautiful thing she had ever heard. She had never heard him singing this way. And the song, it was so ancient, so mythic...And somehow so hopeful.

Loki could feel how her body relaxed against his as he continued singing. And he thought how strange it was. He was singing to her the very same song she had sung to him, in that dream.


	20. Chapter 20 - Letting Go

_**Background music suggestion: Fernando Velazquez: I'm here, Crimson Peak soundtrack**_

 _ **;_;**_

* * *

 **Chapter 20 - Letting Go**

 _Some say love, it is a river,  
_ _that drowns the tender reed_

 _Some say love, it is a razor,  
that leaves your soul to bleed  
_ _  
Some say love, it is a hunger,  
an endless aching need_

 _I say love, it is a flower,  
and you, its only seed  
_ _  
\- Better Midler: The Rose_ _  
_

...

 _She is sleeping in my arms._

Diana had fallen asleep while Loki was singing. When he had finished the song and he noticed this, he couldn't help thinking just how tired she must have been. He gently stroked her hair. Then, he shifted in the embrace just so that he could see her face. She looked so peaceful, and his eyes wandered from her delicate lips to that funny little nose of hers, and then to the eyelids that were slightly smeared by dark makeup.  
 _  
Norns she is beautiful._

Loki felt she belonged there, in his arms. In fact, he felt he didn't want to spend another night without her, or another day for that matter. He wanted to keep her. And he couldn't help thinking about their kisses and the way she had felt...He wanted to make her the happiest woman on all realms. He wanted to show her his love in all the ways he could think of.

 _Don't kid yourself_  
 _And don't fool yourself_  
 _This love's too good to last_  
 _And I'm too old to dream_

The words of that song had suddenly entered Loki's mind. He kept looking at Diana and then...it triggered something. The thought that had tried to surface many times during the past evening finally surfaced.

 _Diana would die, and she would die too soon.  
_

This thought was suddenly pulling Loki's soul, like a weight...He felt he was sinking. For it was the thought he had pretended that did not exist.

 _No._

The realizations were now flooding in his consciousness, like streams released by a broken dam. He thought he had always been good at illusions but he had no idea he could be this good at creating one without magic. For he now saw he had fooled himself...Telling himself that this was harmless, that it involved no risks and that there were no serious consequences. Yes, he had fooled himself...for years. He suddenly remembered how his mother had not only once said he was so perceptive of others but not of himself. And how painfully perceptive had she been...But Loki _didn't_ want to accept this. _Any_ of this. The thing that was now making him panic. He would _keep_ Diana. _Somehow_.

But then he understood he could no longer fool himself.

 _I cannot offer her anything._

He was an exiled criminal, bound to live in an asylum and she...was a flower. That would wither too soon. Yes, he had claimed Diana once that ten years was a blink of an eye. And Loki couldn't help thinking she would die...in perhaps six, or seven blinks of an eye, if she would lead a long life. He felt despair. His heart felt like lead.

Looking at her he felt he had been so selfish. He felt guilty. For had they done what they were almost about to do...His heart felt heavy at the thought. How could he have been _so_ blind? Yes, of course he could ask her to be his lover and that could go on even for years...But _no_ , he could never be with her this way. He could never do it. For he loved her. He wanted more.

And so it became a long night for Loki...Indeed, it felt like the longest of his life. Holding her, he thought what he would do...And in his heart he knew there was only one answer. He had probably known it for some time now, on some level. And soon he also knew how he would do it. And he knew it would break his heart...But there was no doubt in his mind anymore. It _had_ to be done. He _owed_ it to her. He was stealing her life. And then he thought of his plan, in the most cool pragmatic way he could. And he thought of the following morning when she would wake up...Yes, he knew he would just have to be the best actor. And he wasn't sure if he could be that with her.

The rest of that night Loki spent looking at Diana. He memorized her. Her every detail. The day was soon dawning. Gently, Loki stroke a few loose strands of hair from Diana's face and he felt the tears rising. The tears he had tried so hard fought back. He somehow knew he would never fall in love again. Not this way...It had been so exceptional, the way she had entered his life. She had caught him off guard.

And so he thought of the black-haired girl whom he had tutored. Who bickered with him. And he thought of the girl who gave him the quill pen, in _so_ _many_ ways. And he noticed it was still there, on her wrist, the bracelet. Diana had been so many things to him...A friend whom he laughed with, a valkyrie who held him in the darkness of the night...His long-lost master. No, _his mistress_ , he understood now.

Then, finally, he thought of the woman who had captured his heart. The woman who was now sleeping in his arms. The tears were now falling on his face, silently. For he just knew...that in one way or another, a part of him would love her till the end of his days. Even if that was three thousands years from now. He would never forget her.

And so he lay there, holding her, fearing the dawn.

...

"Good morning," Diana said having a few moments ago opened her eyes. She immediately felt disappointed that Loki was no longer there next to her. She turned and saw him sitting on the sofa, in his black t-shirt and jeans, barefoot, looking at her.  
"Good morning," he said, "How are you feeling?"  
"I'm okay...I could use a cup of coffee though. But I _don't_ have the headache of the decade, if that's what you're asking," she said smiling radiantly.  
"Good. I'll be right back with the coffee."

She was now sipping her coffee, next to him on the sofa. She cuddled under his arm and he stroked her arm. It was a peaceful morning. A thought had occupied her mind since she woke up...were they lovers now?  
"What are we, Loki? Are we...lovers?" she had asked exactly what she had thought.  
He was silent for a moment.  
"A lot has happened...I would really need a bit of time..." Loki said carefully.  
"We don't need to rush into anything," she said sounding quite understanding.  
"Could I kiss you?" he suddenly asked.  
"You are sending a bit mixed messages here..."  
"I'm sorry," he said and nodded.  
"But of course you can kiss me."  
And so Diana actually reached him to give him a kiss. And his reply...was quite intense. She actually felt he somehow cut the kiss off.  
"Is your father expecting you?" he suddenly asked.  
"Not exactly...But I guess I should go back. I've noticed he's been a bit under the weather lately," she said.

...

"So I'll see you on Friday," Loki smiled.  
"Yes, see you then," she said looking so happy.  
They hugged.  
"I can't wait," he could hear her muffled voice below.  
Had she seen Loki's face that moment she would have immediately realized something was very, very wrong. But now he could only hear his voice.  
"I cannot wait to see you again."  
He didn't even have to lie.  
Diana thought he had sounded a bit formal but she thought he could sometimes be like that. She gave him a sweet kiss, took her jacket and left. After she had left Loki closed his eyes and stood there for a while. Then, he walked to the window. And soon he saw Diana walking down the lane, towards the little forest. He stood there until he could no longer see her. The sky was grey that morning but the world was shrouded in whiteness.

Then, Loki left his room, walked through the corridors and left the building from one of the side doors. He had not even bothered to put his shoes on or take his coat. He was now walking barefoot, towards the most distant edge of his prison, as far away from Diana's house as he possibly could. He could see his breath in the cold air and feel the frost under his feet. But he did not feel the cold. It comforted him. This was his element. Finally, he came by the stone wall and just stood there, frozen, closing his eyes. He did not know how long he stood there.

Eventually he was startled by a sensation on his cheek. He opened his eyes and looked up to the sky. It had begun to snow. And then an irrational thought entered his mind. He realized what the other taste had been. Diana's taste...

Magic.

...

Alan Knowles was sitting on the edge of his bed. He knew he would have to tell Diana soon. When the doctor had given him the diagnosis, his first reaction was to worry what would happen to her. For so long it had been just the two of them.

And now, he wasn't shocked that Diana seemed to have spent the night with Loki. He knew she loved him. He could see he loved her. And he had nothing against it...In fact, he had hoped Loki would find the courage to live outside the hospital and have a future with his daughter. He had talked about this with Dr. Allsop, several times. Yes, he knew Loki had his problems, but he also found him one of the finest men he had ever met. He had also seen his effect on Diana...He couldn't believe his eyes when he had seen the canvases in her room again. So he respected Loki and believed he could manage in the world, if only he wanted it.

It had been his second reaction to the diagnosis that had in a way shocked Alan Knowles himself the most. He had thought that before the trees would blossom that spring he would meet Esther again. Yes, he still had the dream, the dream they had once shared, of the Kingdom that would come. So he sat there, on the same bed where he once found her, in a different room though. And his Bible was opened from the Song of Songs, last chapter. It had been theirs. Those words of the Beloved.

 _Place me like a seal over your heart,  
like a seal on your arm;  
for love is as strong as death,  
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.  
It burns like blazing fire,  
like a mighty flame._

Her note had always been there, placed against those words. And he couldn't help but feeling it...He couldn't wait to see her again.

...

 _Many times I've been alone_  
 _And many times I've cried_  
 _Any way you'll never know_  
 _The many ways I've tried_

 _But still they lead me back_  
 _To the long winding road_  
 _You left me waiting here_  
 _A long long time ago_  
 _Don't leave me standing here_  
 _Lead me to your door_

 _\- The Beatles: The Long and Winding Road_


	21. Chapter 21 - Lock Me Up

_**Writing that previous chapter was like...I felt I needed a therapy session myself. And I needed also one after this one. Thank you for reading. I try to make it worth it in the end. I do.**_

 ** _Background music suggestion: actually the intro song is really good,_ _David Guetta feat. Sia: She Wolf_**

 _ **So here we go...**_

* * *

 **Chapter 21 - Lock Me Up**

 _I'm falling to pieces  
_ _  
\- David Guetta feat. Sia: She Wolf_ _  
_

 _..._

Loki had to talk to Dr. Allsop.

"Everyone needs to believe I'm having a decline, and it has to be believable, so I need to be locked to the ward with no visitation rights."  
"Why on earth do you wish this?"  
"Do you honestly expect me to tell you why?" he said frustrated.  
"That will be the price. If you explain this and I'll somehow understand it, only then I can allow it," she said sternly.  
Loki sighed heavily, sat leaning his elbows to his knees and began.

The initial thought of revealing the matter to Dr. Allsop had been distressing. He didn't want anyone to know. But now that he had done it, he actually felt...lighter.  
"Are you absolutely sure you want to do this to her? Because she will be hurt. Extremely hurt. I have seen you two together during these years. Not to mention, now that her father is not in the best condition..."  
"What is wrong with Mr. Knowles?" Loki immediately asked.  
"He is quite ill I believe. He hasn't told me the details and I don't think Diana knows yet..."

 _No...  
_ _But what could he offer her._  
 _Nothing that would make a difference.  
_

He looked at his hands.  
"I have thought this through, believe me."  
There was a heavy silence.  
"And you made a promise Elaine. I think I have paid the price now. I do hope you see why I wish to do this. Diana needs to be freed of me. Totally."  
Dr. Allsop had actually felt a sting of guilt when Loki had told her his story. It was after all her who had suggested Loki as Diana's tutor.  
She sighed and nodded.

...

"What?" Diana asked.  
"In the secluded ward? How is that possible?"  
"He had a breakdown. Yes, he had an extremely lengthy good period, but now...Diana, you must understand that I cannot discuss his condition much further."  
Diana's eyes were teary.  
"However, I would like to discuss with you, Diana. Would you have time now?"  
It was Friday and Diana had come to see him. After knocking his door for five minutes, Dr. Allsop had come and explained the situation.  
"How bad is he?" she asked.  
She could read it in the doctor's eyes. It was bad.  
"But would _you_ have the time now?" Dr. Allsop repeated her question.  
Diana nodded absentmindedly.

Soon they were at her office. Diana was sitting on the same place Loki had sat so many times before.  
"I'm going to be honest with you, Diana. It might be better...If you leave Loki behind."  
There was a gravity in her words. Diana's face lost all its colour.  
"Of course you can try to be his friend...But I fear he is not improving so he might have to stay in that ward for a long time...I've seen the way you look at him. Diana, this might not be the best thing for your life. And that is why felt I had to warn you. This cannot lead into something good."  
She saw that Diana's mouth was a tight line. She had seen this battle so many times in her life. On her couch. People fighting to keep up their appearances.  
"Your father tells you're doing well in your studies. You are such a lovely young woman. And you have your full life ahead of you."  
And then saw how it all fell down, Diana burst into tears. The older woman came to sit next to her and put her delicate arms around her. She said nothing. She just accepted her pain.  
There was something Diana feared more than anything.  
"Elaine, last weekend after the party..." she began sobbing.  
Then she explained Dr. Allsop, in the way she was able to, what she feared. That it was her fault somehow.  
"Diana, _no_...Do not blame yourself," Dr. Allsop said.  
"You did not cause this. There was always a possibility this could happen. We should be happy that he was so well for such a long time."

...

Diana's thoughts were feverish. She _needed_ to reach Loki. It was so sudden. She did not understand. The staff told her that Loki did not want to be reached. She forced her father to tell her what had happened. Apparently he had experienced a severe psychosis and become very violent and self-destructive. After hearing this she couldn't stop crying...She often walked outside the part of the building where she knew he must be. It was on the third floor so he could only see the distant lights. She even prayed for him even if that something she hadn't done in years.

When she had heard what had happened, she had immediately written him a letter. She made nurse Joan swear, cross her heart, that she would deliver it. She got back a letter. The familiar parchment, the familiar ink.

 _Leave me alone._

She sent him another letter and got back his reply.

 _Don't send anything to me.  
I won't reply after this._

She could only cry.  
...

If Loki's life had been madness before, it just had become deeper madness. He was being in an exile inside an exile. They were days of solitude. His heart felt so heavy, as if his each action and wrongdoing weighed there more than ever. And writing those letters to Diana...He felt he had broken himself somehow inside. His heart felt so broken. And in the darkness of the night, when he was sure Heimdall could not see him, he allowed himself to cry.

Every night she cried herself to sleep, and often during daytime she would have to go to the bathroom where she could cry in peace. She was so worried. She missed Loki so much. She had replayed their last conversation over and over again. Perhaps his decline had already begun then, but she hadn't noticed anything. And then, Diana's father finally told him that he was that ill...It felt too much. She delayed her studies to remain with him.

"Diana, please talk to me," her father asked one evening. He was sitting in the armchair. All his clothes seemed to be too big for him.  
"I know you miss him," he said with such sympathy in his voice.  
He needed to talk to her. Diana was arranging things back to their places in the living room. Diana stopped what she was doing. She walked to the window and looked outside. It was still winter. The branches of the trees were like black ink on white. And the sky...It was grey like it was most of the time.  
She shivered and could not utter a word. It was like a hand was on her throat, choking her.  
"I understand if you don't wish to tell me," her father said softly.  
She turned to look at him. He looked so frail, and so sad.  
"I am so sorry for him," Mr. Knowles continued.  
"Diana, I cannot help thinking I should have never allowed him to enter your life...It was I who invited him into it, to tutor you…"  
He almost broke in tears. Diana rushed to his side.  
"No…" she comforted him and shook her head.  
"Dad, you must not say that. Despite everything…" she began, her voice almost breaking.  
"What we had...It is just so important to me."  
Her father's eyes were welling up with tears, and they wandered to the one photograph on the wall.  
"Diana, having loved someone whose mind was complex, wonderful and...so broken. I know..."  
He couldn't finish the sentence. Diana stroked his hand and took him in his arms.  
She felt the tears running down her own cheeks. She snorted and a thought escaped her lips.  
"Sometimes...it feels that here, on this earth, we can only choose between different kinds of pain."  
She wiped her cheeks.  
"It's like a smorgasbord of pain."  
Smile broke on her lips. She could see his father giving a small chuckle too. This was something they had always shared. Laughter at times that surprised even themselves. Diana took a blanket from the floor and gently put it over his father's feet.

Mr. Knowles state became worse. There was now a nurse visiting every day. One day Loki risked it and left his seclusion. He had found out when the nurse would be visiting the Knowles' house and hoped to see Diana. He _needed_ to see her. So he was standing there, in the shadows of the forest, so he could not be seen...And there she was, talking to the nurse on the doorstep. His heart stopped at the sight of her. Even though he could only see her from distance, he could tell she had not been taking care of herself. There was a tiredness in her form. And he couldn't help noticing her clothes were all black. His heart ached. He just wanted to hold her...but he could not.

In April Alan Knowles passed away. The trees had not blossomed yet. Loki did not contact Diana and they were the most difficult days of his long life but he knew it was the last service he could in a way do to Mr. Knowles. He would set his daughter free. After the silence she could no longer think he was nothing but a cold-hearted bastard or too lost to feel empathy. And she could go on. The day after the funeral they were closing the grave and among the flowers there was a book. Ulysses. Loki had asked it to be taken there. He mourned the loss of Alan Knowles...After all, he had been the only person besides Diana, and now also Dr. Allsop, whom he had considered his friend during his days on Midgard.


	22. Chapter 22 - Damaged

**_Hi!_ _These chapters...argh. But they need to be what they are.  
We are going somewhere...We are._**

 ** _Background music suggestion: Barrington Pheloung: Inspector Morse theme. Looping recommended, naturally._**

 ** _Review, follow, favourite.  
Thank you for reading this._**

* * *

 **Chapter 22 - Damaged**

 _You were once my one companion  
You were all that mattered  
You were once a friend and father  
Then my world was shattered_

 _Wishing you were somehow here again  
Wishing you were somehow near  
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed,  
Somehow you would be here_

 _-Andrew Lloyd Webber: Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again_

...

 _Dear Miss Knowles,_  
 _I knew your father and I have heard of your great loss._ _  
Please accept my deepest condolences,_  
 _Sincerely Yours,  
L. Hvedrung  
_

Diana looked at the typed card. It was yet another person she did not know. Her father had known a lot of people. She looked at the flowers that the courier had just delivered. It was the most exquisite bouquet of calla lilies. It clearly stood out among the other arrangements on the table. She could hardly find a vase for it.

Loki had sent the flowers. He had chosen his words so carefully for he did not wish lie to her. And it had truly been his name long ago, Hvedrung, the Roarer.

Loki would often go out at night, in the early hours, when was certain he wouldn't run into anyone. And he walked to the forest so he could see her house. And often he saw the light in her window, even very late at night or at times that were considered early morning. Indeed, she had sometimes referred to herself as a nighttime bird...And when he saw the light in her window, Loki's heart yearned nothing more than to enter that house once more. And enter her room and hold her under her Midgardian stars.

By late June the house had been emptied and Diana moved to a new flat close to the university. She didn't want to live at the dorm anymore. Her father encouraged her to do this in his will, leaving her a small inheritance. And in the summer she did try return to her studies but it was very difficult. The grief gripped her so hard, and she felt like the walls of her flat were falling down on her. She cried a lot. She just couldn't believe she had lost the two most important men in her life...She missed her father so. He truly had been a beacon in her life. Together they had sailed the rough seas, she liked to think. He was the one who had always encouraged her to pursue her dream.

And Loki...that wound didn't show any signs of healing. She called Dr. Allsop as often as she felt she could and asked of Loki. She could't tell her much but Diana knew was still in seclusion. And it was still dangling on her wrist, the bracelet. She saw him often in her dreams. She didn't know if it was the best or the worst thing...For in her dreams she saw him, talked to him, and sometimes they did even more. She could hardly bear it.

Diana often wondered in the courtyards and parks of the college aimlessly. The autumn was coming, she could feel it in her bones. Usually she loved the colours, and the sunrises and sunsets that seemed to last a bit longer. But this time she didn't even notice them.

One September evening she couldn't help herself. She reached for the little black box under her bed. It was a shoebox for children's shoes. She opened it and inside was a thick bundle of letters bound together with a green ribbon. Opening the box had already released the scent and she pressed the letters to her face. It was the scent of stars. Infinity. Something she couldn't quite grasp. And yet so earthy at the same time...The dark wintery forest. Finally, she undid the ribbon and took the first letter to and unfolded it like it was her most valuable possession. And as she began to read, she could feel the tears beginning to fall. It was all she had left of Loki, the only concrete trace of his mind. Inside those letters were his words...And she drank them like the finest wine.

Dr. Allsop was now made officially the head of the institution, and the large cottage-like house was now empty. Loki still walked the grounds every night, or ran, and he always stopped there, in front of her courtyard. The house looked so cold and lonely now.

Once, in the darkest hour of night, Loki opened the bottom-most drawer of his desk. And there they were in a neat pile, her letters. He took one and took the letter out of its envelope. He run his fingers on the soft paper. And yes, he had noticed. The ink had the slightest green tint to its blackness. It had made him smile then and think what a foolish girl she was. And now...he just wanted to hear her voice again. Yes, the voice in the letters was the voice of her younger self. But still, her essence was there, in each word and sentence. He felt the tears rising and scoffed himself. He couldn't take this anymore. He threw the letter back to the drawer and slammed it shut. Then, he opened the topmost drawer and the black box, taking the quill pen she had given him. Tears running on his face, he snapped the black feather, so that it broke.  
"Sentiment," he said with a broken voice.  
He couldn't help thinking that this is what they were like, mortals. So fragile. Loki just stood there, with the pieces of the pen in his hand, holding his breath. He went to his wastebasket and he was ordering himself to throw it away. But he could not. Instead, he walked back to his desk, put the pieces back in its box and closed it.  
The following night Loki saw a dream. He was in her old room, in her sanctuary, in her bed, with her, making love to her. And the starry sky above them was not a painting but a real one. Then, in the dream, Diana suddenly clung onto him and began to cry.  
 _"I don't want you to go."  
_ Her voice was so desperate.  
He felt it then too. They didn't have any time left.  
 _"I don't want to go."  
_ The feeling that followed saying those words made him burst into tears. They were crying there in each other's arms. And then she just vanished.

He woke up tears in his eyes, and he couldn't stop crying.

...

Loki lounged on Dr. Allsop's sofa. Nowadays he was the only patient who still did this. Otherwise she was too busy taking care of the administrative duties. But she had insisted that Loki's appointments would remain.  
"How are you Loki?" Dr. Allsop asked warily.  
"You know how I am, good doctor. You of all people should know," he said and didn't even bother to smirk. His face was blank, almost expressionless. From his place on the sofa he could see out of the familiar window. He had laid on this soda hundreds of times. The sky was grey again. So grey. Like those first two weeks he had arrived here.  
"She still asks for you."

Loki rose from the sofa and walked out of the room.

...

Then...Several months passed and Dr. Allsop told she no longer asked for him. Yes, she had moved on now. He'd be nothing to her anymore. Loki was sure of that. She had heard one of the nurses gossiping once about her. She had finished her degree and was now working in the college library. Yes, she had to have forgotten him.

But when Loki continued his day, he couldn't help it. She was still everywhere. In the library and in the park and especially...now in his old room. For he was there again. It felt so strange to him to look out of the familiar window. The old glass still distorted the image a bit. He could almost imagine her walking down that lane...It had been over a year. Soon it would be spring.


	23. Chapter 23 - Light in the Shadowlands

**_Hi! I...Just...Needed...This._**

 ** _Background music suggestion: Ennio Morricone: The Mission, The Mission soundtrack. Quite a short piece, need to loop this one too.  
Just have to say, Ennio Morricone...is...a...genius.  
_**

 ** _Review...follow...favorite..._**

* * *

 **Chapter 23 - Light in the Shadowlands**

 _There's a song that's inside of my soul_  
 _It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again_  
 _I'm awake in the infinite cold_  
 _But You sing to me over and over again_

 _\- Switchfoot: Only Hope_

* * *

It was New Year's Eve. Diana's friends at the college had asked her out but she didn't want to go. It was close to midnight and she was sitting on her bed, leaning back to the headstand, looking out of the window. Every now and then she could see fireworks.

She wondered if it would ever end. And her heart immediately answered. It feared very much that in some way it would never end. She would miss her father and Loki, possibly till the day she would die, and this answer caused Diana to fight back the tears, yet again. She couldn't believe the amount of tears she had shed. How many would be enough, she couldn't help thinking...But yes, there had been better days. Even weeks. And there was sweet Beth, who so tried to bring her back to life. And she loved her work, of course. In fact, that made her forget everything else for a moment. But this night, it could never be one of those better ones, for it had been a year of that other night. Diana had to close her eyes. How many times had she longed him to comfort her, to put his arms around her, and yes...even to sing to her the song...Diana now tried to evade the memory for it always made her cry.

Looking out of the window, into the night, Diana couldn't help thinking that she truly did live in the Shadowlands, although the despair had now turned into a more sombre, numb form of existence. And the very moment the thought of Shadowlands passed her mind, she didn't have the strength anymore and so they came...her tears. Finally, after quite some time - it was already the following year - she calmed down, and was now looking into nothingness. And something happened. She suddenly very much noticed she was staring at the opposite wall. Diana had placed the furniture similar way than in her old room, so she was actually staring at her bookshelf. And she saw _them_ , there they just were...The stories her father had read to her when they in the Shadowlands missing the one they loved so. The books she had read when she walked there alone, in her more private days of torment...Diana suddenly stood up and walked to the shelf and ran her finger on the back of the books. And then she did it. Went through the wardrobe.

...

She had accidentally read the whole book. She just wanted to cry...but these were not tears of sadness. They were tears of hope. Diana just so badly wanted to believe that somehow all would end well, like in Narnia...And finally she fell asleep in the early hours of the morning, and a saw a dream that felt somehow familiar.

"My daughter," she heard the voice.  
It was such a deep voice. She immediately knew it was the Lion's voice, even if she couldn't see it.  
"I _have_ seen you. Every day..."  
Just hearing those words made Diana burst into tears. Somehow they had directly pierced her heart. She hid her face in her hands and she just couldn't stop crying.  
And then, suddenly she felt it, how something soft brushed against her. She realized it was his mane. It was _so_ soft. She cried even harder...For she felt the immense comfort in the gesture.  
"I will not leave you," the Lion said.  
Diana so wanted to look at the Lion but for some reason she couldn't...But now she did feel she longed to ask something. She _needed_ to ask it. Then, she heard her own voice, so faint.  
"Will all this end well?"  
And she felt such relief having been able to form the words.  
"It will," she heard the Lion answer.  
"It _will._ "  
The tone of his voice...There was no need to say more.

The dream ended. She woke up in tears and wanted so badly...to believe.

In the morning Diana felt somehow a bit better. She figured it was because of the dream...For something inside her had changed, even if just a little. It was almost like a small flame, the smallest of flames, but it was there. She could feel the flame was made of good things such as hope and somehow attached to it there was also a specific feeling of hope...That in time it could and would grow. Yes, she still missed her father and she still missed Loki. But that tiny flame offered surprising illumination.

...

Diana had called Dr. Allsop just before Christmas. The Doctor practically told her nothing anymore, in the sweetest way only she could. Diana actually felt Dr. Allsop was in a gentle way saying she should not call her anymore. But eventually, she did tell Loki was still in seclusion.

It was early January, a Saturday afternoon. Diana was exceptionally out downtown, in one of the pubs, and was just about to begin eating her cottage pie. She had promised herself to go out a bit more often and had spent a nice day scouring the book and antiques shops. But now sitting there, she could feel how the shadow tried to approach her again and her flame was just too small to fight it back...

Suddenly she heard a woman's happy voice behind her.  
"Diana, is that you?"  
She immediately recognized the voice and turned around. It was Joan, one of the nurses from the hospital, that she had known since her youth. She immediately approached Diana and gave her a hug.  
"It is so lovely to see you, dear," the older woman said. Diana had always this feeling that Joan treated everyone under thirty as her lost-long grandchildren. She didn't have children of her own. Diana had always liked Joan a lot. Diana greeted her and gestured her to sit down.  
"Please, sit here with me if you have the time."  
"Thank you, dear. I will...I hope you aren't in a hurry."  
"I'm not," Diana said shaking her head.  
"I came here for a concert later tonight and came to eat and kill the time here first. And now I found you which is just perfect."  
Joan ordered a cottage pie and a pint and she offered Diana also a pint which she didn't refuse. And Joan, she just made Diana laugh with her stories...She had always had such an energy about her. After they had finished their pies, Diana bought them a second round of pints. She couldn't remember when she had been this relaxed.  
"I was so sorry you weren't at the New Year's Eve party this year...It wasn't the same without you. Not to mention the decoration. They didn't get the lights right."  
They both chuckled, but suddenly Joan became more serious.  
"But...how are you doing? Really?"  
She had caught Diana off guard so she said the first thing that came to her mind.  
"I still miss my father...So much."  
Joan nodded understandingly. Both their eyes were beginning to glimmer. Diana could feel how the shadow had now touched her...But then, for a reason she could not quite explain she said two more words.  
"And Loki."  
Joan just nodded again and Diana could see in her eyes that she did not need to explain more. She just understood. And then, somehow Diana ended up telling her more...She even told her how she still called Dr. Allsop and how she felt she wanted her to stop doing this now. Joan looked thoughtful.  
"Diana, can I suggest something..." she began.  
" _You,_ my dear, promise to try to enjoy your life and do things that make you happy, whatever they are."  
And now came the second part.  
"And _I_ promise that the moment Loki gets out of that ward, I'll give you a ring. I do understand you wish to know..."  
There was a sadness in Joan's eyes.  
"Believe it or not, I have been in love once."  
But then, she cleared her throat and the look in her eyes changed back to a happier one.  
"Do we have a deal?" Joan asked smiling and offered her hand.  
Diana nodded and took it.  
"We do."


	24. Chapter 24 - Thursday of Revelation

**_This chapter is important and probably difficult to write because of that. Also, I've been a bit tired so I fear that affects the fluency. Sorry about that :/ Enjoyed writing it though. And thank you, again, so much for reading.  
_**

 ** _Background music suggestion: Sleeping at Last: Transformations. Again, so short, I am looping this...  
_**

 ** _Review, follow, favorite. Please :)_**

* * *

 **Chapter 24 - Thursday of Revelation**

 _You taught me the courage of stars, before you left._  
 _How light carries on endlessly, even after death._  
 _With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite._  
 _How rare and beautiful it is, to even exist._

 _\- Sleeping at Last: Saturn_

...

After meeting Joan Diana tried so hard to fulfill her promise. On Saturday evening, exactly a week after their meeting, she actually was holding a paintbrush in her hand, standing in front of a blank canvas. But she couldn't do it. She just could not. With tears in her eyes she gently placed the brush on the table and thought that had she been a lute, she would have been one with broken strings. And she scoffed herself for even thinking of that particular instrument instead of all the more obvious string instruments, wiping the fresh set of tears.

For Loki the winter had felt never-ending. He searched for _her._ He couldn't help himself. He just had to know. And he did find things. Like Diana's interview in the student newspaper and messages she had written on the library webpages. Then, one day, he found some papers she had written at the college. Reading them made him feel like he was injecting the sweetest poison into his veins...For he could truly feel her mind and train of her thought, something so sweet and familiar, and yet she remained unreachable.

...

It was a late Wednesday evening, early March. Diana was reading in her armchair. The variation of her evenings was whether she read on her bed, in the armchair or by the kitchen table.

Her cell phone rang. Diana grabbed it from the floor assuming the caller was Beth but when she looked at the phone, it was an unknown number. In a second her pulse was racing and she answered, her heart in her throat.

 _Loki was out of seclusion._

The night that followed Diana painted. She painted _him_. She channelled all her feelings into the image and it became quite dark, quite haunting. But there was a beauty in it. To Diana it felt like some ancient form of beauty. She actually could not believe she had captured something like that.

And that night she just knew she could not sleep, so after she had finished the painting, she just waited. Waited for the morning and for the first train. Then, in the early hours she ran through the misty town to the railway station. The train came and she was soon on it. Looking at the landscapes hidden inside a lingering mist Diana had time to think. She had asked Joan if she had seen Loki and she had. Joan told her he had been very quiet but eventually they had exchanged a few words and he had been polite. But then, at the end of the phone call, Joan had said something which made Diana's heart sink to unknown depths. Joan had been quiet for a moment. Then, quite warily she said she couldn't help feeling...that Loki had been a shadow of himself. Diana could barely hold back the tears till the call ended.

 _A shadow...  
What did she mean?  
Had he lost himself?_

Finally, the train arrived at the station of her old town. It was so quiet. The sky was grey and that morning it felt somehow sheltering to Diana. Soon she was walking that ever so familiar road which took her to the edge of the town, to the hospital. Somehow, even in that ashen morning, Diana couldn't help noticing it felt as if the earth and the trees were making promises of the summer that would come. It was such a comforting thought. As Diana entered the park of the hospital, she soon passed the place where it all had begun.

 _"_ _Despite your effort to hurt me, I am."_

Those had been Loki's first words to her. She remembered them crisp and clear. She even remembered how angry he had looked saying them. Diana continued walking, wrapping her jacket tighter around her. The morning was a bit cool. Finally, she came to the main building, walked up the stairs and opened the large double-door. She took a deep breath and could see her breath in the chilly morning air.

In the lobby another memory surfaced. He had kissed her hand there, the day after they met. Diana remembered they had also, in a way, shared a joke, and made Amanda look quite baffled...She nearly chuckled at the memory but then suddenly she could feel her stomach turn for she realized she was now in the very same building with Loki.

She walked swiftly to the nurses' room. Joan was sitting there by the table, reading a magazine. Diana had told she was coming and Joan had insisted changing her shifts to be there.  
"Diana."  
Her face lit up and she came to give a hug. Then, the two women looked each other in the eyes. There was a moment of silence.  
"He is in his room, already awake. I was a bit of spy," Joan said giving a small smile.  
Diana nodded.  
"But if you want and you are _able_ to, you could have a cup of tea with me here first."  
Diana nodded again and they had a cup of tea. It was like drinking tea in the middle of a storm. It was so peaceful there.  
After finishing the tea, Joan gave her another hug and then patted her on the shoulder.

Diana returned to the lobby and began to climb the staircase. That moment it felt like all strength left her body. Her heartbeat accelerated. She actually wanted to flee. But she had to do this. She just had to see him. Finally, she reached the top of the stairs and turned to the all too familiar corridor. His room would be at the end of it. Somehow the space looked darker and more ominous than she had remembered. Dark wooden panels, nearly obsidian stone floor. At the end of the corridor there was a window, letting the morning light in. She stopped for a moment, just to gather herself. Then, she literally forced her feet to move. If she was honest with herself, she felt so scared, for every step was taking her closer…to _him_.

Finally, she was there, behind his door. She raised her hand, felt the rest of her life that was still there, leave her, and gave the weakest knock. Then, there was silence, and to her it felt endless. She took a deep breath and knocked again, with more strength now. And there was more silence. But then, suddenly the door opened, not fully but enough. Diana's heart stopped. She could see him now.

 _Loki_.

It didn't feel real. He was standing perfectly still, looking at her. And she could only think her memory had done him no justice...He was somehow even more beautiful. She could only stare at him, frozen. And then she realized what the expression in his eyes was.

 _Shock_.

...

Loki had been reading on his bed when he had heard the knock. First he thought he imagined it. There was no one visiting him at this hour. Or actually, visiting him ever, if he was perfectly honest. He thought to himself that he had become even more of a loner than ever in his life. But then he heard it again. There truly had been a knock on his door. He thought that perhaps it was one of the nurses, or Dr. Allsop, so he lifted himself from the bed and went to the door and opened it. And his heart stopped.

The moment he saw Diana he felt the _strongest_ urge, almost like an reflex, to take two steps forward and capture her in his arms. And keep her there. _Forever_. But there was a barrier. Something that forbid him to do that. It would have been irrational and it would have erased all he had done to keep her away. Not that it seemed be work. And his heart rejoiced in this failure.

 _She had not forgotten me._

Loki opened the door more so that more light would cast on her for she was standing in the dark corridor. For now he _needed_ to see her. Diana looked tired but Loki immediately recognized her spirit and beauty. He couldn't take his eyes off her. She didn't look him directly in the eyes.

"I've been waiting... _something,_ " she began quietly.  
"Ever since I heard you got out of seclusion."  
She closed her eyes and swallowed.  
Loki felt he couldn't move. He was hypnotized by her voice.  
 _  
I love her voice._

" _Anything..._ I know it must have been so difficult for you but..."  
Diana finally opened her eyes and met his. The look on her face immediately became so heartbreaking. She looked like she was about to cry. And that very moment Loki took the two steps and captured her into his arms, and she did begin to cry.

Diana was now crying against Loki's chest. She had hoped to act somehow gracefully but now she was messing his shirt with tears. She had not anticipated this would happen, that suddenly she would be in his arms again. Of course she had dreamed and hoped it but she couldn't believe it, and she couldn't help feeling the happiness for she just knew now.

 _He was still him.  
_  
Loki couldn't speak. He just gently pulled her into his room, keeping her in his embrace, closing the door with his other hand. He directed them to sit on his bed. He didn't let her go. Everything made Loki realize just how gravely he had underestimated her.  
"Diana, I am so sorry...," he whispered, pressing his face into her hair, feeling the tears rising.  
"When your father…I wanted..." he tried to continue but just couldn't finish his sentence. He just held her tighter.

When Loki had said those few words, Diana couldn't help it. She cried even harder. A painful cry left her mouth. She almost feared she would soon lose consciousness for the feelings were so intense. Then, she just shut her eyes and held him so tightly. She felt like she was falling. It was like that time ages ago but now she was hidden under his wings, or perhaps they were under each other's wings, for she could feel he was silently crying now too. Being there, hidden inside his arms, Diana felt she was slowly beginning to calm down. It truly did feel like she had climbed a mountain, she was so out of breath, but she could feel the endorphins settling in. Then, she almost laughed at the thought that entered her mind, for it had been the thought that what if she could just remain there. _Forever_. Finally, she slowly pulled herself away from the embrace just so she could face him. Her eyes were still closed and then she finally dared to open them.

Loki waited her to open her eyes. And when she did a single thought passed through his mind.

 _I love you._

She just looked at him and he looked at her and perhaps there was a time distortion, for they both felt they entered a dreamlike state...They just lost themselves in each other's eyes. At some point Diana saw how her hands lifted to touch Loki's face, wiping his tears, and she felt his hands on her face, doing the same...Then, her fingers then moved onto his cheekbones, caressing them, and she could see how Loki closed his eyes. In this dream he was definitely feeling some form of euphoria...and so was she, as she could feel his fingers moving, soon caressing her neck. She couldn't stop looking at him. After some time, which was probably quite a long time, Loki finally opened his eyes. Then, as if they silently agreed, they both leaned forward, not for a moment seizing to gaze each other, the endless emerald into the warm brown, and their lips met somewhere in the middle. They closed their eyes and travelled somewhere far...very far. And it was the strangest kiss. It was more a wordless conversation, a vow...Something only their hearts could only interpret. And the kiss, it became like breathing. They would catch their breath and go on...and on. They lost time and time lost them. It was obvious their hearts had a lot to say to each other.

Finally, when time eventually found them again, they opened their eyes and returned back to the room, still looking deep into each other's eyes.  
"Is this a dream?" Diana whispered.  
Loki shook his head.  
But Diana felt _something_ was wrong, She just felt it. In her head. As if a shroud had been lifted off her mind...off _his_ face. She suddenly pulled back. Loki looked confused first but then very concerned when he took in her expression.  
"Loki..." Diana began.  
Then she felt a sudden jolt of pain. It felt as if her brain cells were trying to switch places. She took hold of her head.  
"What is wrong?" Loki asked worried.  
"What is happening to me?"  
"What is wrong?" Loki's voice was very serious.  
He had a bad premonition.  
"It will sound like madness..."  
" _Please,_ tell me," he pleaded.  
He could see she still hesitated, but then she winced in pain.  
"Diana, I am begging you. Tell me."  
Then she said it.  
"Why is it that...you don't change?"  
"What you meant that I don't change?" Loki asked sounding even more worried furrowing his brow.  
"You don't age," the words just left Diana's mouth.  
She felt the panic rising. She couldn't understand what was happening in her head. Why she made this strange notion. But it was a real notion and it made her question her sanity.

Loki knew there and then that the spell of concealment was no longer working. Something had happened and it had to have happened on Asgard. To his mother. Because it was her who held up the spell. Loki tried his best to calm himself down and remember when was the previous time he had seen someone at the hospital. He realized it was perhaps two days ago. So no one had noticed before Diana.

 _Why had no one told him?_

Diana was now gasping for breath and Loki put his arms around her.  
"Please...There is an explanation. You have to trust me."  
Diana's pulled back from the embrace and her bewildered eyes were running up and down on his face.  
"H-how?"  
Loki needed to speak to Heimdall but he didn't wish to confuse Diana more.  
"Diana, I'm sorry but I need to do something. Later, I will answer all of your questions."  
Loki was about to stand up.  
"No, no, no. _No_. You're not going."  
Diana took a firm hold of his arm.  
"Please, Diana,..."  
Suddenly, there was a flash of light outside, a lightning they both soon realized, and a very loud voice of thunder. They both turned to look out of the window, startled. The lightning had hit very close. And almost immediately rain began to tap on the window, and they saw it was actually a mix of hail and rain. Another lightning flashed. Loki felt his heart beat faster. This was a reflex, his reaction to thunder, because he knew what it could and probably would mean. The rain was drumming now with full force. Diana slowly stood up and walked to the window, hypnotized by the sight, still holding her head...Thunderstorms like this didn't happen this time of year.  
"Diana, I have a feeling...someone might come soon," Loki said and stood up. Diana could see he looked somehow very anxious. She turned to look at him with a questioning look. Then, there was a knock on the door.  
"Enter," Loki said.

The door opened and a man Diana had never seen came in. He was sturdily built but yet he had a softness in his look. His hair was shoulder-length, blonde. And he was really, really tall. He was wearing a dark cloak like cloth, black trousers and boots. Loki stood up and the men stood few feet away from each other, holding their stare.  
"Diana, please meet Thor, my..." Loki said in a low voice.  
"My adoptive brother," he finished. His words had weighed tons.  
Diana noticed the man lifted his eyebrows just minutely. Apparently Loki's words had caught him slightly by surprise. Diana felt her whole face was in fact like one big question mark. She thought this was too much. Just too much was happening. She couldn't understand it...

"I am pleased to meet you milady, but I'm afraid would really need speak with Loki alone," the stranger said and made a small bowing gesture. There was an urgency in his voice.  
Loki pleaded her with his eyes.  
"Please wait me in the library. I'll be there as soon as I can."  
Diana just nodded and walked out of the room. She was now standing outside Loki's door. Her head was spinning, her body was aching. She _needed_ answers, there were just too many questions unanswered. What could she do, except wait as he asked? So deep in her thoughts Diana walked down the hall to the library room that was not far. She entered the library that was so peaceful and quiet. No one was there at this hour of the day. She sat down by the reading table and looked at her palms. She felt something in reality was shaking...How was this possible that she had not noticed Loki's aging, or the lack it, before this very day? She felt her mind couldn't even grasp this thought. And who was the man? And what was the eerie bad feeling she had? Like a memory bubbling up somewhere inside her guts...

...

"Just tell me what has happened?" Loki asked immediately, nearly frantic.  
Nearly a decade had passed but outwardly they had changed so little.  
"Mother was wounded…" Thor began.  
The air from the room seemed to disappear, the winterstorm was drumming the window.

...

Any other time Loki would have told Thor he could go to Hel with his request to assist him. But now...he just couldn't. Asgard had been attacked, his mother had been wounded. And now there was a mission and he was needed in it.

* * *

 ** _If you wish to experience fully the song that inspired the time distortion...Listen to the intro song 'Sleeping at Last: Saturn'. In a dark room. With headphones. Eyes closed._**


	25. Chapter 25 - The True Me

_**Woah! You probably noticed there was just a bit of Thor: The Dark World flavour there...But I'm actually not going to delve deeper into that.**_

 ** _Background music suggestion: Fernando Velazquez: Edith's Theme, Crimson Peak soundtrack. Looped :)_**

 ** _Review, favorite, follow...Thank you for reading.  
_**

* * *

 **Chapter 25 – The True Me**

 _Don't want to let you down_  
 _But I am hell bound_  
 _Though this is all for you_  
 _Don't want to hide the truth_

 _\- Imagine Dragons: Demons_

...

"Diana!" she heard Loki's voice.  
"I'm here!" she answered.  
She was sitting in the corner of the library, by the desk where they had studied so long ago. Soon Loki was there. She immediately stood up and walked to him. He took hold of her hands. She could sense he was in a hurry.  
"Diana, you need to listen to me very carefully. You need to deliver a message to Dr. Allsop."  
There was an intensity in his voice.  
"And I am _so_ sorry, I can imagine this will be a lot to take in."  
He sounded so serious.  
"Remember when I told you I had never lied to you... ?"  
Diana bit her lips together, frowning.  
"I meant it. What I need you to tell Dr. Allsop is that I will leave tonight but I shall return. I am needed at home for Asgard is attacked and my mother is wounded. This is why my cloak of concealment isn't working. No search party is needed for I will return."  
Diana looked at him bewildered.  
"The cloak of concealment is a spell held up my mother. Its failure caused you to notice why I don't age...And yes, I _am_ aware this all sounds incredible."  
He could see Diana was truly concentrating on his every word, desperately trying to understand.  
"I beg you, please wait for me here. You can stay in my room. This shouldn't take more than two days. Then, I will give you _all_ your answers. I promise. A lot of them I have already told you. I have never lied to you. And Dr. Allsop can confirm that. Or I hope she will."  
The look on Diana's face...Confusion, hope, desperation, doubt, all mixed, all fighting which would win.  
"But in case I do not return, because there's always that possibility," he began.  
" _No_ , no, no...I cannot let you go," Diana said shaking her head.  
"Because _this_ is _madness_."  
"I will go. There is nothing you can do about it but I _do_ _so_ _wish..._ That you could believe me."  
Loki took a deep breath when he realized what he needed to do. It was always difficult for him to do it and he had not done it for years but it was the only way.  
"I'm sorry to confuse you more but this is the only way I can think of…convincing you."  
"Please don't scream."  
Another thought seemed cross his mind.  
"And please do not touch me. Without my magic my skin burns."  
Diana was scared what was going to happen. Or was it actually worse if nothing happened. She was so scared he was losing his mind...But a part of her anticipated something.

Loki closed his eyes and knit his brow like he was in deep thought and something began to happen. Slowly his skin changed its colour, a blue azure washed over him, replacing the pale tone of his skin. Some patterns rose on his forehead and cheeks. The transformation was soon complete and he opened his eyes. Diana could see they were no longer emerald but dark crimson. Those eyes now looked at her and she could see they were very scared of her reaction. He was clearly holding his breath.

Loki could see Diana tilted her head slightly and her eyes were sweeping every part of his face. And he was breathless when realized what her reaction was.

 _Awe._

And he could hardly believe what he saw in her eyes.

 _Childlike wonder._

"Loki..." she said quietly, still looking every part of his face.  
On her lips rose a smile.  
"I always wanted to believe you."

Her words...Loki felt like somehow collapsing but he held himself together. Slowly the emerald in his eyes returned and his skin returned to its pale and smooth Aesir form.  
"Can I touch you now?" she asked warily.  
Loki just nodded. And in an instant she lifted her hand to his cheek and he had to close his eyes. That very moment a thought crossed Loki's heart like a lightning of pain for he realized she would soon find out everything.

 _Everything_.

All the death, suffering and pain he had brought into this realm. He was no longer concealed so it was just a matter of time. For some reason it was just taking longer for her to remember.  
"Please return," Diana said. Loki was still lost in his thoughts so her embrace startled him. She was struggling to reach him so he lifted her. He held her tightly and inhaled her scent.  
"I will," he whispered into her ear. He almost added the words his heart so longed to say. But instead he put her down and broke from their embrace. He looked at her once more.

 _This is the last time she will look at me this way.  
This might be the last time I see her._

He so wanted to kiss her and could sense she expected it but he knew he couldn't hold himself together had he done it.  
"I need to go now," he said in a severe tone.  
Diana nodded, looking surprisingly calm.  
Loki strode back towards the corridor. He felt his heart was very much being broken from another angle, as if it wasn't broken enough before.  
"My love," he whispered so silently that only he himself could hear it.

Thor was waiting in the corridor.  
"There is just one more thing I need to do in my room," Loki said and passed him hastily.  
After one minute he returned, his lips a thin line.  
"I'm ready."

...

Loki had now left. Diana took hold of the desk for she felt that she was going to collapse. Everything he had ever told her of Asgard, his family, all those crazy things was apparently true. Diana was fatigued and her mind was spinning. All the revelations made her question her sanity, but still she felt sane. Loki was an _alien_. Asgard was _attacked_. His natural skin _burnt_. Diana was trying to remember all the other things he had told her. That had seemingly been part of his madness. But she was too tired. She was going to talk to Dr. Allsop as soon as possible and she was a bit shocked if all this was something that the doctor had known all along. Were they others who knew? Had her father known? Diana made her way to Loki's room and collapsed on his bed. She decided to rest for just a moment but soon she was already dreaming of wintery forests evergreen.

It was already afternoon when she woke up and then it surfaced. _The recognition_. It was as if another shroud was lifted from her mind. She remembered now that the whole of New York had still been talking about _him_ when she was there, and she had _seen_ the footage of a madman rampaging the city, fighting Avengers. Her mind was racing.

 _Loki.  
The war criminal.  
The murderer.  
How could he be…? What was he…? How come she didn't…? Was she losing it?_

Shakily she took her phone and searched. She found a video of him in Germany…

 _"You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel."_

She recognized him and yet not. In that instant she felt sick, ran to the bathroom and threw up. When she eventually got back into the room, she noticed something on the desk. A parchment, with his handwriting.

 _I am sorry.  
I am the fallen one.  
I understand if you leave.  
But I would wish to explain._

She burst into tears and her feet didn't hold her up anymore. She curled on the floor and cried so hard, hysterically. She felt so cold, alone. And it made her cry even more until she almost passed out. Her eyes lifted to look out of the window. It was one of those grey days that seemed to occur there all the time. Her eyes roamed the room, lifting up memories of him. Moments, discussions, smiles, arguments.

 _Had it all been a lie?  
What was he doing here?  
This was madness, so much deeper_ _madness_...

Finally, Diana got up and went to the bathroom again, opened the faucet and splashed cold water on her face. She felt dizzy and nauseous and her heart was hammering.

It was there and then that she passed out.


	26. Chapter 26 - Showdown

_**Hi!**_ _ **I'd like to dedicate this chapter to the person who brought NaNoWriMo to the community where I found it. May you write many more books and continue to do the many other creative things you do!  
**_

 _ **Background music suggestion, Rob Dougan: Clubbed to Death, Matrix soundtrack**_

 _ **This chapter was a bit of a struggle...Please bear with me.  
**_ ** _Review, favourite and follow? Why not? :)_**

 _ **Are you all sitting comfortably? Here's a virtual pillow and a blanket...And action!**_

* * *

 **Chapter 26 – Showdown**

 _And you could have it all  
_ _My empire of dirt  
_ _I will let you down  
_ _I will make you hurt_

\- _Nine Inch Nails: Hurt_

...

What Thor had asked of Loki, he had done. Only he had known the secret passages in order to accomplish their mission. The rogue forces had now been defeated and their mother, Frigga, was recovering, although Loki had not been allowed to see her. Two days had passed and they were now back on Midgard. Thor had actually offered Loki to take him back to Asgard but he had insisted returning to the asylum. Thor had not asked him why although Loki could see he would have wanted to. He just said it's better that he would wait here. Of course the real reason was that he needed to know if Diana could somehow still be there, waiting. He just hoped, even if it did feel like an irrational hope to him.

"I will speak to our father," Thor began as they were now standing in the courtyard of the hospital.  
"He would have never allowed me to ask for your help. But it was the only way."  
Loki nodded. They stood there in silence and finally Thor broke the it.  
"I will not call you my brother because you have made it clear you do not wish that."  
His look was cast downwards and then he raised it to Loki's eyes.  
"But know this, I still consider you that."  
Loki gave the most minute nod. He would never in a million years have admitted it to Thor, but yes, he had missed him. Finally, the two former brothers bid farewell and parted in the evening mist.

...

Loki opened the door. His room was empty.

 _Of course she isn't here, you fool.  
_

He found his message on the floor, wrinkled, and understood it was her tears that had stained it. And there he stood, feeling empty, staring at the parchment, when suddenly there was a flash of light and everything went black.

...

When he regained consciousness, he noticed he was in pitch black darkness.

 _Thanos._

Loki instantly knew. It was a terrible realization. When the cloak of concealment had faded of course Thanos had also pinpointed his location. Loki knew this now for sure and he couldn't help thinking how he could not have considered it. Thanos had promised to pay him for his failure to conquer Midgard and failed he had.

Suddenly a shift came and the blackness ended. He was on a barren planet and he knew this was Thanos' home planet, if one could call it such. Home was much too nice a word for it.  
"They were right to hide you in that mundane place," the Other, Thanos' right hand, said with a menacing voice.  
The gross, cloaked creature confronted Loki and he felt he could not move. There was a spell on him.  
"It truly was the _last_ place where to look you from," the Other gave an ugly chuckle.  
"Now, let me see...," he said anticipatingly and put his ugly claw-like finger on Loki's forehead.  
A jolt of pain instantly inflicted the other side of his head.  
"We found your little mortal and I can _see_ you care for her. _Oh_ , even better...You _love_ her."

 _No._

Loki could feel the rage inside of him and he felt helpless. The Other signalled something to the figures that had been in the shadows behind him all along and they left.  
"She has no quarrel with you," Loki said as calmly as he could.  
"But we have one with you," the Other said and growled with a low voice.  
"You _failed_ us. And we told you cannot run."  
"What do you want?" Loki asked.  
"Nothing much," the Other said.  
"Just your pain and your suffering...Indefinitely."  
With another touch of his finger, a blinding pain went through Loki.

...

Diana realized she was lying on a surface, and even now that her eyes were open, she could barely see. It was so dark. She touched her forehead and felt the warm liquid, her blood. She remembered now. She had probably hit her head to the sink when she passed out. She felt so numb and she actually considered the possibility that she was experiencing a psychosis. Her head hurt like crazy and slowly she began to remember what had happened right before she passed out. It made her feel sick. All those surfaced memories of Loki...Nothing made sense anymore.

 _Where was she?  
_

Diana felt so weak and numb that she just remained resting on the surface. After some time had passed, there was a light. A dim and eerie light. Something she had not noticed in the darkness had been opened and someone was now approaching her. Somehow she didn't even understand to fear it. She just felt so detached from everything. The next thing she knew was that some kind of claws, which she could barely perceive, caught her and lifted her from the surface. She was dragged to a place that was clearly outside, but it was unlike anything she had ever seen. She was dragged for quite some time, quite painfully, in a grey, colourless landscape under a dark, starry atmosphere. Finally she felt another surface, and she understood this was the ground, like fine grey sand. She had been thrown on it. All the sensations were real but her brains refused to make sense of them, so all remained surreal.

"I just brought her here...so you can see her die."  
The words were said by a terrible looking creature above her. The way it looked made Diana think that perhaps this was...a nightmare.  
"Diana," suddenly she could hear her name. It was _his_ voice. Diana immediately turned to look the way the voice came from. The haze in her head cleared a bit and she couldn't believe her eyes. She could see Loki, also lying on the ground. They were perhaps ten feet away from each other. He looked so pained. Their eyes met and she saw the desperation in his.

"Wait," Loki suddenly said in a loud voice.  
"Perhaps I failed to lead the Chitauri to Midgard..."  
He turned to look at the Other.  
"But there are still ways I could _serve_. I am _certain_ there are ways to _use_ me."  
He had chosen exactly how to emphasize his words.  
"No," Diana found herself saying with a hoarse voice.  
Loki didn't look at her. She could feel the tears rising in her eyes.  
"In fact, if you let her go, you will have my _fullest_ co-operation," he said coolly.  
Diana was shaking her head.  
"No..." she said again, desperately. She felt she barely had a voice.  
The creature laughed and looked at Loki.  
"Ah, Silvertongue..." it said with a slithering voice.  
"I fear that path no longer exists."

Suddenly a loud boom shook the atmosphere. It had been the voice of thunder. The events that followed unfolded in front of Diana like she was watching it from distance. She actually felt she was transported into a scene in the Lord of the Rings. There were suddenly people dressed in medieval battle gear around her. Suddenly she recognized Loki's adoptive brother in the distance, now dressed in full battle armor, a red cape, attacking creatures that had stood in the shadows surrounding them.

"You have the magic now!" he shouted.

Suddenly Diana realized the cloaked creature blasted something towards her and she covered herself reflexively. That moment she saw something green sparkle next to her. A wave of pressure hit her and it was followed by a blinding pain on her side. Lying there on the ground, eyes closed, she touched that part of her body and felt her shirt was covered in blood.

 _Was this it?  
Was it her time to die?_

Then, she saw Loki. The last thing she remembered seeing was him transforming as he kneeled next to her. Suddenly he was wearing an armor, clad with gold, a dark-green cape and the most spectacular helmet with horns. She had never seen anything like it. She could only look at him. Loki's expression looked worried, concentrated. Diana's side was in so much pain and she just couldn't speak. It was like everything was happening in slow motion. Every now and then, she could see Loki was looking away from her for a second, blasting something. Bright green light. Those moments she could see the rage on his face. Blind rage. Then everything went black. It felt like a lot of time passed.

 _Was it a dream?_

She was drifting between consciousness and unconsciousness.

" _Diana_ " she heard a voice in the darkness.  
 _"This might hurt. I am so sorry."_  
She could feel hands on the wound on her side and then there was light. A green flash.

A sensation of falling, floating in darkness.

Then she felt a warm breath in her hair, a pleading hush close to her ear.  
 _"Please, my love. Stay with me."  
_ Again she drifted deeper into what felt like a blanket of stars, so soft and calling.

...

Loki lifted Diana in his arms as if she weighed nothing. Then he spoke to the nothingness in front of him, but with a voice that was sure it would be heard.  
"Heimdall. Bring us to Asgard. And tell a guard to inform All-Father of what has happened."  
In an instant they vanished into a cascade of light and in another they reappeared on the platform of the observatory. Heimdall had transported all of them, also Thor and the other warriors. They now looked at Loki warily.  
"Prince Loki is with me, no one is to arrest him," Thor said with his booming voice. Then, both him and Loki, Diana still in his arms, ran towards the entrance where the horses were. For a moment Loki gently handed Diana to Thor, only to mount the horse. Then Thor carefully raised her back to him. Loki still had his magic and he used it to bind Diana onto him so he could ride as quickly as he possibly could. Thor also mounted his horse. They understood there wasn't much time so they were soon riding in full gallop, side by side, the Rainbow bridge flashing under them. Finally, they arrived at the gates of the golden city and continued up to the palace.

...

Thor bursted through the doors of the healing rooms, holding them then open for Loki and Diana. And older woman with silvery hair rushed to them, and looked at Diana. Her eyes shot to Loki's.  
"Eir," Loki said laying Diana on the closest bed.  
"Tell me what I can do."  
She was biting her lip as she approached her, hovering her hand above the bloodied side of Diana. Loki's armor was smeared with her blood.  
"First a combined life support spell." Eir said with a serious tone.  
Loki went immediately next to her. Then, he looked at Thor.  
"Go tell the All-Father I need to stay here and help. And I need my magic to do that."  
Thor was turning to leave when he heard Loki's voice again.  
"There was a tracking spell on me, I assume."  
"They thought you'd try to escape somehow."  
"Of course."  
Thor left the healing rooms, leaving them at work.


	27. Chapter 27 - A Voice in the Darkness

_**Hi! I know, we are on Asgard! And...now...one...of...my...favourite...chapters :)**_

 _ **Background music suggestion: Howard Shore: The Grey Havens, Lord of the Rings - Return of the King soundtrack**_

 _ **Feel free to review, favourite, follow!  
And thank you again everyone who is reading this story. 'Diola lle' :)**_

* * *

 **Chapter 27 - A Voice in the Darkness**

 _O môr henion I dhû_  
 _Ely siriar, êl síla_  
 _Ai, Aníron Undómiel_

 _From darkness I understand the night:_  
 _dreams flow, a star shines_  
 _Ah! I desire Evenstar_

 _-Enya: Aníron_

...

Darkness.  
But then like a flickering flame. Sparks.  
Then she heard Loki's voice, soft and soothing.

 _You have to fight._

More darkness. She didn't know how long it lasted. She didn't care about time anymore.

There was more silence.  
But then again green sparks.  
And Loki's voice.

 _Stay with me._

These things seemed to repeat many, many times. His voice made her feel calm. It said such lovely things. Sometimes he spoke to her of their past. She realized his voice was caressing her.

 _You know...I still remember that day when we met for the first time...I remember being especially annoyed that day for some reason I actually no longer remember._ _And believe me, I was even more annoyed when you and your bicycle hit me._

She could almost hear him chuckle.

...

"It is my turn. You need to rest."  
It was Eir.  
Loki took his hand off the wound and Eir put her hand on it.  
There were dark rims under his eyes. He stood up and remained standing there, looking at Diana's face.  
"Loki, I need to know…" Eir's voice was careful.  
"Are you speaking directly to her mind? Because you know that drains you even more..."  
"I know what I'm doing, Eir."  
He walked out of the room.  
...

Sometimes there was a real sensation of a hand holding hers. It was his, she just knew it. And every now and then she felt how he stroked her hair.

 _I'd read something to you but I don't have a book here, and I cannot leave to get one now since I need to hold up the spell. I could ask a book brought here though...How about Lord of the Rings? Would you like me to read that? I can ask them to bring it from the Royal library. But for now, maybe I could recite something from memory...Let me see, something Midgardian. Yes, Shakespeare._

And he said each verse with such weight.

 _Love is not love  
_ _Which alters when it alteration finds  
_ _Or bends with the remover to remove  
_ _Oh no, it is an ever-fixed mark,  
_ _That looks on tempests,  
and is never shaken_

There was a brief silence.

 _You know...I agree with him._

...

She noticed that time started to matter to her more. She was waiting for his voice now. And she noticed each time he sounded a bit more tired. Even in this dark, timeless place this worried her. And there it was again, his familiar voice.

 _Alright. I have it here now, Lord of the Rings. I didn't remember it was such a thick volume...Diana, are you ready to return to Middle-earth? Of course you are if I know you at all...So here we go._

 _Concerning Hobbits  
_ _When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday..._

This is how it began. Once more she thought he should read audio books.  
He _really_ should.

She listened to the story, as he unfolded it to her.  
...Bilbo's birthday…  
...eventually the hobbits left Shire with the ring...  
...there was Tom Bombadil…  
...Bree and Strider...  
Slowly, chapter by chapter.  
...Ringwraiths…  
...Rivendell...  
...the Fellowship was formed...  
Sometimes there were pauses.  
Long pauses.  
But he always returned.  
...the Mines of Moria...  
...the Fellowship was broken...

And so they moved to the Two Towers and the story went on, Tolkien not following some of the main characters for a huge amount of pages. He took a huge risk there. People could have lost interest. Luckily they didn't. When Sam and Frodo finally walked together, hand in hand, into Shelob's cave, Diana felt like crying. She had always thought that was the only thing really wrong with the film, sending Frodo into the cave alone. He should never have to do that.

When they began the Return of the King, Diana felt Loki's reading somehow reached even some higher form of perfection. She was so very caught deep in the current of the story, his voice carrying it sublimely, and she was so sorry she couldn't express her appreciation.

Finally, he read the last line.  
 _'Well, I'm back,' he said._

She couldn't believe it.  
That was the end of it.  
It was actually over.  
She had no idea how long it had taken but she had an inkling it had taken a long, long time.

 _I'm sorry if I sound tired...It's because I am actually a bit tired. I have to go now...But I'll be back soon. Good night, my elven empress.  
_ She felt a sensation on her forehead.  
A kiss?

...

She returned to the silence.  
Sparks, flickering flame.  
Sometime later his voice returned again.

 _I know, I know... I have a feeling you probably can't even hear me…But then again, I actually have feeling you do. I hope you enjoyed the book._

She could hear the weariness in his voice. He was exhausted. And then something began to change in what he told her...

 _I cannot tell you, Diana, what it means to me that you have existed, what you have meant to me, and that I could be with you. All those moments...I know you must know everything by now..._

He sounded so hopeless. She wanted to comfort him.

 _I am so sorry. I just wish...I could have been someone else, someone else with you..._

 _..._

Sometime later his voice returned and he was even more open.

 _Diana, have I ever told you how beautiful you are? I haven't, have I? Well, that is just wrong because I think you are by far the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. On all realms. And the funny thing is that at first I thought you were quite ordinary. Please don't get me wrong. Please don't. I just thought that all Midgardians were ordinary. Well, I did have all sorts of amusing preset thoughts….But now, I just want you to know, that you are anything but ordinary. You are beautiful, breathtaking_ , _kind, funny, intelligent..._

Then she felt it for the first time.  
The urge to reply to him.  
She wanted to say:  
 _Please go on._

 _...You are...You. And in fact, if I were one of those very rude princes from Midgardian fairytales, I would kiss you right now."_

Then there was the silence again. The darkness was still there, the sparks and little flickering flames every now and then. But it was as if she saw the sparks more clearly. She didn't know how much time passed.

Finally, his voice came back.

 _Do you remember that night of the party? I will never forget that night, Diana. It was the best and worst night of my life...It was the best night because you were there, sleeping in my arms, and believe me, I just wanted to keep you there forever...  
_

There was a pause.

 _And it was the worst night because..._

Suddenly he didn't continue. And she knew why. She wanted to hold him. But then, he did continue.

 _Diana, I never wanted to leave you and I still don't..._

She could hear that now he couldn't continue anymore.

Later, she heard his voice again.  
He sounded so very tired...She was so worried. _  
_

 _I had really thought I was no longer capable of such...Because of what Thanos had done. I thought that part of me, capable of this...love, was somehow extracted from me...But there it was. I just had to be in your presence and I was sure of it. Actually, I didn't even have to be in your presence...I just had to think of you…All I wanted was you. All of you. Fully, completely, entirely. Your whole essence. Your spirit, body, soul...You. And in fact...I still do._

She listened. First it had sounded like rambling but the realization of what he actually was saying made her heart ache. Or what she assumed that abstract thing that was her heart. She wanted to keep every word and hold it, capture it, keep it, etch it in her memory - forever.

 _But I know it's impossible...You must truly now understand why I am a monster. I am. Nothing will ever change that..._

He sounded so sad. She just wanted to reach him. She wanted to hold him. She wanted to kiss him. Perhaps he was a monster but she couldn't help herself. She was the monster she loved. She was still him.

Then there was the silence again.  
And more time passed.  
Finally she saw the brightest sparks she had seen so far.  
It resembled a rain of falling stars.  
And then Loki spoke again. Immediately she realized this time he sounded different. He was solemn...

 _It is time. I promise you are going to be fine...And I must leave you now._

For a moment he was searching for his words as if he had lost them.  
Then he found them.

 _Diana, I want you to know…  
I love you.  
_  
He sounded desperate.  
She heard he was barely holding himself together.

 _My only hope is...that the One Beyond Time will have mercy on me and I shall meet you again when all is over, after Ragnarök, after the end..._

 _And forgive me Diana for what I'm about to do now.  
_ _Although if I'm truly honest, I will never be sorry for it._

And then she felt it, a sensation on her lips.  
His lips.  
A kiss.

 _Goodbye...My love._

And soon she could feel that he was gone. _  
_She wanted to scream.  
She wanted to somehow catch him.  
But she could not.

It felt like a cold wind had suddenly taken the summer away, and what remained was an emptiness, a cold void. She hadn't even realized how it had been there, all that time, his warmth.

The darkness and silence continued, Loki's voice no longer breaking it. There were no more sparks, no more flickering flame. If she had been able to cry, she would have done it.

Somehow she knew time passed. She did not know how much time and she did not care. But then, it came suddenly, she felt like breaking through something. It was like reaching a surface, catching a breath after being underwater, and she could feel how she now fell into a familiar, peaceful slumber. A slumber with no dreams.


	28. Chapter 28 - Waking Up

**_Hi! Still can't believe that we're on Asgard! I mean...Asgard. In the real life I've been a bit tired again but this story does call me to continue itself!  
_**

 _ **If you've read this from the beginning, I'm giving you a special massive thank you right now.**_ _ **The rest of you get a very nice regular size thank you. And if one of you is reading, I wish to give a special thanks to you who have given this story a review. You guys give me that extra push I need.  
**_

 ** _Background music suggestion: Harry Gregson-Williams: Only The Beginning Of The Adventure, The Chronicles of Narnia Soundtrack. This is the theme of Asgard for me._**

 ** _Or if you want the eerie version, go for the intro song :)_**

* * *

 **Chapter 28 - Waking Up**

 _We're living in a world full of illusion_  
 _Everything is so unreal_  
 _My mind is in a state of confusion_  
 _But I can't deny the way I feel_

 _-Depeche Mode: Surrender_

 _..._

Diana woke up.

When her eyes focused she realized she was in a strange looking room. The light was dim, comfortable to her eyes, and all the surfaces seemed dark, translucent. A young girl in grey robes was standing next to her. Diana felt more than confused.  
"Eir, she has awoken," the girl said to an older woman. The woman immediately walked next to Diana. She had beautiful features and grey, almost white hair. The look in her eyes was very curious.  
"Hello Diana, my name is Eir. Welcome to Asgard."  
 _  
What on earth?  
Asgard?_

Everything felt real. Every sensation, every smell, every detail.  
"Asgard?" was all Diana could say. Her voice was so hoarse. She hadn't spoken for so long that it actually hurt to speak.  
"Tara, please give her some water," Eir said.  
The girl soon came with a glass and helped Diana to drink.  
"How come I am on _Asgard_?" Diana asked as soon as she felt she got her voice back.  
"I understand this must be _very_ confusing, and we didn't actually expect you to wake up this soon. We are still stabilizing you."  
Eir's voice had such a sense of tranquility and Diana realized she was trying to calm her down.  
Then the woman looked at the girl next to her.  
"Tara, you can go tell Loki now." The girl immediately left.  
Hearing _his_ name Diana's heart skipped a beat.  
"Where is he?" she asked with urgency.  
Eir frowned.  
"He is held in the dungeons. He wished to know the moment you are awake again."  
" _In_ _the_ _dungeons_?" Diana asked most anxiously.  
Eir put her hand on hers.  
"It sounds worse than it is...He is well considering the circumstances. But I'm afraid he _is_ in the dungeons because the council is still debating what to do with him."  
Diana was trying to make sense of it all. She actually held her head now.  
"But he _will_ be released from there, right?"  
"I suppose it is in some way possible..."  
Diana couldn't help noticing Eir looked quite serious and took a deep breath.  
"I can see this is very important to you, but I do _need_ to ask you to rest. We are still stabilizing you. I am sure all of your questions shall be answered."  
She looked Diana in the eyes. In her voice there had been a severity although her look was filled with kindness.  
"Could I help you to sleep?"  
Diana nodded and Eir put her cool hand on her forehead.  
Soon sleep took over her.

...

When Diana woke up later she was alone in the odd room. She very much waited for Eir to return. She tried to rest but the memories kept bubbling up. Scary creatures. Blinding pain. A fantastic version Loki...and the helmet with horns. She couldn't quite connect the images into a coherent memory though. Also, she remembered something had happened _in_ _the darkness_. She knew it was important and had everything to do with Loki. It pained her she could not remember it.

At some point Diana noticed there was a book, _Lord of the Rings_ , on the table next to her bed. She found it very peculiar that it was there and couldn't help but looking at it. She felt quite weak lifting the book to her lap. She found it was an exquisite, illustrated version and the images were gorgeous, breathtaking. Then suddenly, when she was browsing through the book, a piece of parchment slid to her lap from between the pages. Her heart leaped because she immediately saw it was his handwriting.

 _Look at the first page, then at the last page.  
_

She turned to the first spread of the book it and there was an inscription, written in his hand.

 _To Diana,  
Loki_

She was extremely puzzled. When she then opened the last spread of the book, something started forming in the air before her. It was larger than the book. And she saw it was the map of Middle-earth, forming out of tiny specks of light. It had a slight hue of green. The landscape was fully three-dimensional with miniature mountains, little forests, intricate cities, the smallest rivers, an ocean with waves. This was too much...

 _He had offered himself._

Suddenly she remembered this so clearly. He had offered himself in exchange for her freedom...When they were laying on the grey sand, in front of _the creature,_ in that strange place. The memory made her freeze inside. It was so contradicting to everything that had surfaced, the memories of Loki destroying New York. And _now_ she was staring a magical model of Middle-earth created by him. It was obviously made by someone who loved beauty, appreciated imagination and wished to show her affection. This was the Loki she had spent all those years with, the one she had kissed, the one whose arms she had slept in, the one she fell in love with. Diana felt too weak to process all of it... _S_ he knew there were so many clues to this mystery of him and that she _had_ them. Diana forced herself to close the book and the map vanished. She put the book back on the table and soon fell asleep again, her mind and body feeling overloaded.

...

Diana was awake again and finally Eir entered the room.  
"Please, could you just tell me what happened?" she immediately asked.  
"Of course."  
Eir sat down on the side of her bed. She was an interesting combination of gentleness and steely strength.  
"You were hurt by a battle spell used by the Other, servant of Thanos. I have heard Loki shielded you from it partly but you were still severely hurt. He carried you here with a very deep wound on your side ten days ago."  
" _The Other?_ I don't understand..."  
After explaining who used the spell and who Thanos was, Diana understood somewhat better what had happened. The Other was _the creature._  
"A specific healing magic had to be surged through you without interference continuously, as a life support. Loki and I could do this with such a complex wound as yours, and I have to admit he is now even more skilled than I am, although originally I was his teacher."  
Eir said the last part smiling to herself.  
"So All-Father gave him permission to use his magic and we worked in turns. And Loki...Well, he insisted doing it for very long periods of time although it is very exhausting. After eight days you were finally stable. And Loki was then carried to the dungeons."  
" _Carried_?" Diana's voice was filled with worry.  
"Yes, he was very drained but I have heard he is recovering there now."  
Eir sighed.  
"Diana...I have to say you owe him your life. Without his effort I would not have been able to save you."  
Then the older woman patted her hand.  
"I'm afraid I need to leave now to continue with another patient. For your other questions I'm afraid you have to wait for answers but I do hope you get them."  
Diana was left there to think through everything she was told.

 _Loki had saved her life._

Again, she felt her mind and body couldn't handle it. She fell asleep again.

...

Loki couldn't believe it when he woke up. He was on Asgard. At _home_. He had realized that despite everything that had happened, despite the fact he was now in a cell, his heart still considered this realm his home. Two days ago the guards had walked him to the dungeons...Well, dragged actually, for he wasn't able to walk anymore. Loki had been by Diana's side eight Asgardian days, barely sleeping at all. Eir, his old mentor and friend, had forced him to rest and take turns.

Two days ago he had collapsed on the bed and fallen into a deep sleep. He hadn't used his magic for such long time and then suddenly he had used it continuously...In the cell, whenever Loki had a brief moment when he was awake, his first thought was Diana but he was not allowed to communicate with the outside world, for he was still considered too dangerous.

...

Loki wasn't sure how much time had passed when he suddenly noticed a guard standing in the corridor outside his cell.  
"A messenger from healing rooms was here. She asked to tell you that the patient has awoken," the guard told him.  
Loki felt so relieved. He closed his eyes and made a nodding gesture and the guard left. But although he was relieved he couldn't help feeling it in his heart again. Another angle, another crack. He finally allowed himself to realize if fully. All was lost now. What they had. What they were. For she had to know _everything_ now. Not that anything would have ever been possible anyway but he couldn't help feeling that somehow it could have been.

Loki wasn't sure how long he had been passed out this time when he noticed Thor in the corridor. He was sitting leaning on the wall. He couldn't believe he had been waiting there for him to wake up. His face actually lit up when he noticed Loki was awake and he rose from the floor. Loki felt so tired.  
"I am happy to see you awake," Thor said walking closer to him.  
Loki summoned all his strength to ask Thor a favour.  
"Can you go talk to her?"  
"Of course...If that helps," Thor said.  
"Answer everything you can," Loki sounded quite desperate.  
"I will."  
...

 _I cannot believe it, this is Thor.  
Thor.  
His brother..._ _Adoptive brother, I mean._

"He requested that I come here and try to answer your questions."  
Indeed, Thor was prepared to answer all the questions he could, and she instantly asked one.  
"How is he?"  
"I'm afraid very weak. The use of magic has drained him."  
"Why isn't he here in the Healing Rooms then?" Diana sounded angry.  
"He is not ill. He is fatigued. The council saw fit that he will be taken care of in his cell."  
Diana could sense Thor wasn't happy with the decision either.  
"How long will he be held there?"  
"I'm afraid I do not know...The council is still debating."  
She sighed and could also see Thor's frustration.  
"Do you know..." Diana looked a bit unsure.  
"...if he would have wanted to come here?"  
"Milady...I'm afraid he could barely speak. But it _was_ most important to him that I come here," Thor said reassuringly.  
Diana nodded looking quite thougtful.  
"Well...Could I visit him when I am able to do that?"  
Thor could see she cared very deeply for his brother and Diana could see it pained him to answer her question.  
"I am sorry but only the immediate family is allowed to see him."  
Diana couldn't help noticing Thor's slight confusion following his words about the immediate family. Who was Loki's family after all?

They sat together for nearly two hours, as long as Eir allowed it, and Diana asked a lot of questions. She _needed_ to know, especially of things Loki had done on earth. And Thor told her. They also spoke about the events that had lead to Loki's crimes and then of the trial that followed. Thor told her how Loki himself wanted to remain silent of Thanos' influence on him and it was only Frigga who had demanded the traces of the magic studied...And the traces were there, all over his mind. But Loki stubbornly continued to remain silent. It was as if he had wanted to punish himself. But still, it didn't work out the way he wanted, and that is how he ended up on Midgard with the more lenient sentence.

To Diana this just felt overwhelming. He had been a prisoner. He had been forced to stay there. She couldn't help wondering had she been just someone to kill the time with, someone to entertain him for the first decade of his sentence. Her heart just sunk at these thoughts. And there were questions she understood that Thor couldn't answer, like what had actually happened when Loki was in seclusion.  
Eir came by to tell them he wished Diana to rest now.  
"May I tell you something, milady?" Thor asked.  
"Of course," Diana was a bit surprised by his request.  
"During these years, when I asked Heimdall, he told me Loki had made a friend. First, I hardly believed it, but Heimdall told me the friendship was real and this thought always comforted me. Now I have met that friend. You. I wish to thank you, Diana, for being there for him."  
He actually made a bowing gesture.  
"There is no need to thank me."  
Thor couldn't help noticing the sad tone in her voice.

Thor was now leaving. Diana was still contemplating whether to ask him something and then she decided to do it. He was very approachable after all.  
"Thor, I have the strangest request. I am not sure if it can be done but I really need to ask."  
"Milady, please do ask, I would be most happy to serve."  
"There is something on Midgard that I would need. It's quite a large box with books with my own writing. Diaries. Is there any way I could get them here?"  
"Why of course. I can get them myself, just give me instructions where they are."

She so wanted to understand, connect all the dots.

...

"She had a lot of questions."  
Loki was still laying on the bed, very weak.  
"I can imagine," he said feebly.  
"Loki, she does not hate you...I have a feeling you think that. Believe me, she is confused, but I can tell you one thing, she would have wanted to see you."  
Loki closed his eyes. They were silent for some time, Thor standing in the corridor next to the cell.  
"I forgave you."  
" _What_?" Loki asked with the faintest voice.  
What Thor had just said startled him. He slowly opened his eyes and just stared at Thor.  
"I am just saying it is possible," Thor said calmly.


	29. Chapter 29 - Recovering

_**Hi! You might have sensed we are well into the last third of this story.**_

 ** _Background music suggestion: Johann Sebastian B_ _ach:_ _Keyboard Concerto No. 5 in F Minor BWV 1056 - II. Largo._**

* * *

 **Chapter 29 - Recovering**

 _The future's in our present hands_  
 _Let's reach right in_  
 _Let's understand_  
 _If you want it you've got to believe_

 _\- Lenny Kravitz: Believe_

...

Loki was on his bed, eyes closed. He wasn't sure how long he had been in the cell. Days blurred together in his tired mind. It was one of those rare moments he was awake, and during those moments he thought of Diana. He would summon a memory of her. This time he was on Midgard again, singing to her as she fell asleep in his arms. The memory filled him with so much pain...and love.

Suddenly Loki's thoughts were interrupted by a sound - or actually the absence of it. He realized the forcefield of his cell was turned off and just after a few seconds it was turned back on again. Slowly, he began to open his eyes to see what was happening. He was still so drained even controlling his eyelids required a lot of effort.

"Loki."

He recognized the voice and was stunned. When he opened his eyes, Frigga was there, right in front of him, kneeling by his bed. Before he fully understood it, her arms were around him.

" _My son._ "

" _Mother._ "

He sounded so weak.

"I came as soon as I could. Please let me help you," she whispered.

Almost immediately Loki felt her magic invigorating him.

...

It had been three days since Diana had awoken and even after that she had been sleeping most of the days. Whenever she was awake she wished to try walking. On the fifth day she dared to ask trying it outside. Eir had first refused this but Diana had convinced her. She so wished to see Asgard with her own eyes. It was actually Eir herself who eventually accompanied her to the gardens of the healing rooms.

All around Diana were views that made her want to cry. She could see waterfalls that seemed to fall eternally, behind them a starry dusk with colours she immediately wished to capture on canvas. Diana was walking barefoot for she just wished to feel the soil of this realm under her feet. It somehow made it easier to take it all in.  
"I would wish to tell you something," Eir suddenly said.  
She had been supporting her as they walked. Diana looked at the older woman curiously.  
"What it is?"  
"Let us sit first."  
They sat down on a bench in the quiet part of the garden. Eir shook her head and smiled.  
"Fifteen days ago...When you and Loki suddenly arrived at the healing rooms, I couldn't believe my eyes."  
Now Eir looked Diana in the eyes.  
"As I told you before, I was Loki's mentor, but most of all I was and I still consider myself, his friend. So when he did what he did and was sent to Midgard..."  
Eir sighed.  
"I asked for his return every day and time passed...And I just couldn't believe when it actually happened."  
"You asked his return from _whom_?" This part of her sentence had caught Diana's curiosity.  
Eir's bright blue eyes looked thoughtful.  
"I believe you have heard of the One Beyond Time."  
"I have."  
Yes, she in a way knew of this being.  
"Believe it or not but I saw you in a dream, not that long ago. Both you and Loki. He was playing this particular song I know and you were painting stars, on a ceiling."  
Diana felt quite confused although somehow what she had just said made her feel strangely happy. It had been an interstellar message.  
"That sounds incredible," she found herself saying.  
"I understand that. I just felt you needed to know this."  
Diana knew she would be thinking about Eir's words long after this.

They began to walk again and a thought crossed Diana's mind.  
"What was Loki like when he was young?"  
Diana's question made Eir first smile curiously, but then she looked a bit sad when she told of a introvert prince who lived in the shadow of his older brother. Of a sensitive soul who built a shield of his mind. Of a loyal friend. Indeed, Loki had been very loyal to the ones loyal to him. Eir looked even more sad when she told she believed this was the reason he had broken in such a way. He felt the ones he loved the most had betrayed him.

"We didn't speak much as we were working in such a concentrated manner..." Eir began, looking Diana most kindly.  
"But I could see he felt very much responsible for you."

Diana had hoped for any other word.

 _Responsible_.

Had healing her been some duty to him, she couldn't help thinking. The tiredness suddenly took over her, dragging her thoughts to darkness and that moment the massive wound reminded of itself. Eir immediately noticed this and they walked back in.

...

Diana thought a lot about One Beyond Time. She sensed something, like she was taking steps on a path set out for her. And having this thought she felt somehow ridiculous and she tried to shake it away. But it was a very persistent thought. Later that evening Eir told Diana that Loki was still in the cell but now he was being helped by his mother.

 _He was not alone._

Diana felt so relieved to hear this. She also inquired had there been any progress of Loki's matter in the council. Eir had asked her testimony two days ago and it had been taken to the council. There was no progress but Eir seemed somehow more hopeful.

Already the day following her request Thor had brought Diana her diaries and she had begun to read them, unraveling the mystery. She found out Loki had been very coherent after all. He had never told her of his attack on Midgard but he had actually told her so many things, one way or another. Somehow she now understood his guilt. Reading the diaries one particular question invaded her mind and she just longed to ask it. Actually she felt her heart decided it would not leave Asgard without asking it. Diana continued reading the diaries and also now things about One Beyond Time...Poems, songs, legends she had found in the library of the healing rooms. This _entity_ or whatever it could be called - 'God' probably on Midgard - intrigued her.

...

The following evening Diana was moved to a room in another wing and was told her condition would be observed. It was a really nice and a much larger room than she had been in. It even had a balcony. That first evening she just sat there, wrapped in a quilt, looking at the dusk. Eventually it shifted from deepest hues of purple to black and it was then the constellations appeared. She knew she could've watched it for ages. And she couldn't help but thinking about Loki.

 _He is over a thousand years old..._

Diana tried to imagine living over fifty times the life she had lived so far. She couldn't. And she couldn't help thinking that to Loki she must've have seemed so young...Like a child probably.

 _He has seen these stars so many nights._

Diana closed her eyes and found herself asking something.

 _If you hear me...Please let him see these stars again. Soon._

She swallowed and almost didn't dare to think the following thought.  
But she did.

 _I would so wish stay with him. Somehow._

But her mind instantly added a condition.

 _But only if he wishes that too._

For once Diana succeeded holding back the tears, wrapping the quilt tighter and concentrating on the stars. An amusing thought actually passed through her mind. It was the reason why parts of the Asgardian night sky were _so_ familiar to her. Indeed, it was those parts she had painted...

Diana decided to read more and opened one of the books again. As she continued to read, her heart leapt in her chest.

 _The song._

On that page in front of her she was reading the words Loki had sung to her. The words she had never been able to forget. Yes, they were slightly different but this was _the_ _song_. And now tears rose in her eyes when she read what the name of the song was.

 _The Song of the New Beginning_.

Following an impulse she rushed to her room and closed the door behind her. She sat on the bed with the book in her hand and tried to remember the melody.

And it came.

...

The following morning there was a knock on the door. Diana assumed it was Eir. She was resting in her bed, reading another book.  
"Please do come in."  
A woman Diana had never seen before entered the room. She looked like she was in her forties or fifties had she been a Midgardian. The lady, for she clearly was a lady, was blonde and had noble, soft features. Diana looked at the woman puzzled. She didn't look like someone who worked in the healing rooms.

"I am sorry to disturb you since you are still recovering, Diana Alansdottir, but I wished to meet you. I am Frigga, the All-Mother."

 _Loki's mother.  
The queen of Asgard._

First Diana felt she couldn't form a single word. Then she finally gathered herself.  
"I am so sorry...I do not know how to address you."  
"Do not worry, my dear," the queen said smiling and approached her.  
"You can call me Frigga."  
"How are you doing, my dear?" she asked looking at Diana.  
"I-I...am healing," Diana said still looking at her wide-eyed.  
"I am happy to hear that. Like I said, I just wished to see you. I could not help myself. I have seen Loki now."  
"How is he?" Diana asked in a second.  
Frigga couldn't help noticing her forthwith reaction.  
"He is recovering too," she said smiling.  
Diana blushed a bit realizing how direct she had been.  
"He has changed a lot...I cannot help thinking of your role in that. I have heard of you, Loki's Midgardian friend."  
Diana stared at her letting her words sink in.  
"I am a mother. I wished to know of him..." she said smiling warmly.  
"And yes, I _know_ what my son has done but I also know his hardships...I do hope you know he is very fond of you," the All-Mother said smiling kindly. Frigga could see Diana looked quite confused by her words.  
"I know Loki sometimes has difficulties expressing himself."  
Diana just nodded. Frigga noticed she was trying very hard to control her expressions.  
"I just want you to know, whatever happens Diana, you can count me as your ally."  
Diana just felt so baffled. The All-Mother seemed so straightforward yet so cryptic at the same time.

 _Fond of her? An ally?_

But now Diana knew there was a question _she_ needed to ask. For Loki.  
"Frigga, there is something I need to ask you..."  
"What is it, my dear?"  
Diana cleared her throat, feeling quite nervous.  
"I am sorry to be this forward but have you actually ever apologized him? And has Odin? Because that is something he _needs_ to hear."  
Everything in the way Diana had asked these questions made Frigga suddenly very aware the young woman in front of her loved his son. And Diana could see the All-Mother had understood the context of her questions perfectly.  
"I believe we have both apologized in our way but I do understand why you ask this. It is a very difficult situation, especially with his father."  
Diana nodded. She could hear the pain in Frigga's voice.  
"Eir said I cannot stay here long so I should leave you to rest now dear. Thank you for seeing me. I wish to see you again."

 _Please...don't go just yet._

There was still a question burning on Diana's mind. She summoned all her courage.  
"Frigga..."  
The All-Mother could see Diana looked quite anxious.  
"Yes, what it is?"  
"There is a question I would really want to ask Loki. Could you ask it for me?"  
The look in Frigga's eyes was most compassionate.  
"Why of course. What is it?"  
"Would he do it again?"  
Frigga nodded.  
"I promise I shall ask him this."

...

Frigga sat down in the chair placed next to Loki's bed.  
"I met her. She truly is lovely."  
"She is," Loki tried to state in a most neutral tone.  
He had tried not to think of Diana but had realized this was not possible.  
"And I can see you love her," Frigga said.  
Loki closed his eyes, trying so hard to control his emotions.  
"What difference does it make whether I love her or not? She could have hardly forgotten what I have done," he said almost angrily.  
"You are right, she has not. In fact, she had a question for you."  
Loki's eyes immediately shot open and stared at this mother.  
"What is it?"  
"She wanted to know would you do it again."  
He sighed closing his eyes again.  
"What a question…If I were in that same point in my life again, of course I would do it again."  
He had a feeling though what her question had actually meant.  
"Loki, you know she didn't in fact wish to know _that_."  
He nodded.  
"Yes..." he said almost inaudibly.  
He opened his eyes to meet his mother's.  
"I _do_ regret."

Something in the ambience of the cell shifted. Frigga looked at him making a small nodding gesture. Then she left and it was not unclear to Loki where she was going. He felt desperate knowing whom she would see for it was the one he desired to see the most.

Frigga walked through the corridors again. She was being a messenger.

...

Diana's heart skipped a beat as Frigga told what Loki had answered. It felt as if she placed the one of the last missing pieces in the puzzle and it was one piece she had secretly hoped for. She had just needed to hear it, and she knew he would tell Frigga the truth.

 _There was still hope for him.  
_

Frigga was now looking out of her opened window.  
"I just wish Loki to find himself again and I can see he is now well on his way."  
She turned and could see Diana was in deep thought.  
"My dear, would you like to have some tea with me? I have heard you apparently enjoy this refreshment."  
"I'd love a cup," Diana instinctively replied.

...

Loki was standing in his cell and he couldn't help thinking about her question.

 _Could she...  
No.  
_  
He cut the thought off. With force. He pressed his head down and shut his eyes tightly. He had lost her so many times...And he just knew his heart couldn't take losing her once more.

 _How could she have forgiven.  
It is impossible._

Suddenly Loki heard steps. He saw one of the Einherjar guards approaching and knew it could mean only one thing.

It was time.


	30. Chapter 30 - The Resolution

_**Right! Chapter 30 it is! I know Odin is probably out of character. But let's just forget that, shall we. After all, time has passed right, we don't know what exactly has happened :)  
**_

 _ **Background music suggestion: Georg Friedrich Händel: Largo from Xerxes**_

* * *

 **Chapter 30 - The Resolution  
**

 _She came to me one morning  
One lonely Sunday morning  
Her long hair flowing in the mid-winter wind  
I know not how she found me  
For in darkness I was walking  
And destruction lay around me  
From a fight I could not win_

 _\- Uriah Heep: Lady In Black_

 _..._

Loki was summoned to see Odin and was taken to a small room that adjoined the throne room. The All-Father made a gesture and the guards left them alone. Loki could only see the Odin's back because he was looking out of the window. The light was shining in, making things appear even more golden. Loki had the oddest thought of how strange it would have looked if the sky would have been the grey of Midgard. He was startled by his wandering mind. He felt he should not have been so detached from the moment. After all, the tension in the air was so thick it could have been cut with a knife. It also felt like the room was shrinking each moment. Finally Odin broke the silence.

"I am sorry."  
It was the voice of a tired old man.  
"For hiding the truth from you."  
Odin still did not turn around. Loki couldn't believe what he had just heard.  
"And...I should have never said _no_ to you on that dreadful day, on the Rainbow Bridge."  
Loki felt numb. He had not looked him in the eye but still…He had _actually_ apologized.

 _What had happened to him during these years?_

Odin finally turned around. His one good eye looked at Loki. He looked so old, exhausted.  
"Also, I wish we could have reached the verdict sooner. There was a lot debate as you can imagine. But you are allowed to spend the rest of your sentence within this palace. And you can even expect sanctuary on Asgard even after it."  
Odin sighed.  
"I know you have felt you were my pawn in a game. But we _did_ love you as our own. And despite everything you've done...We still do."

Loki realized he was now waiting for him to say something.  
"I cannot call you my father anymore," he stated quite neutrally.  
Odin nodded.  
Suddenly Loki could hear _her_ voice.

 _Forgive_.

And the words came out of his mouth.  
"But I will _try_ to forgive you."

 _Close enough._

He could almost imagine _her_ smile.  
And he actually imagined hearing her once more.  
 _  
I knew you could do it._

In the room there was a silence and Odin broke it again. _  
_

"I've heard the Midgardian has awoken and I was informed of what you did to save her. Having heard this, I will ask you now, do you have a request concerning her and the apple of Idunn? For if she has been of help to you on Midgard - as I have heard - then she is deemed worthy of it."  
"I fear she would not accept it even if I were to offer it."  
"I see," Odin said pondering.  
"We must go now. The time to proclaim your sentence has come."

Soon they were standing in the throne room. Odin had not walked up to his throne but chose to remain on the same level with Loki.

"Loki."

He stood there silent and solemn and appreciated Odin used only his first name.  
"You shall serve the rest of your sentence here on Asgard. You shall not leave the palace grounds for another 110 years. You are also allowed to use your magic with certain limitations. You have saved the life of a Midgardian. She will be returned to her realm."

Loki made a small bow, acknowledging what Odin had said. Thor soon came by his side and escorted him out of the throne room.

They walked in silence through the corridors. Loki had heard from his mother that things had not gone the way Thor had wanted with the mortal, Jane Foster, which actually made him understand many things. Especially why there was this sadness in his being and he was not as care-free as he used to be. Loki actually found himself feeling sorry for Thor.

Finally they arrived at the door of his chambers and Loki quietly asked to be left alone. Thor just nodded. Loki entered his room. It looked as if nothing had changed. He had not been there for over ten years but everything was as if he had left yesterday.

Loki had asked Thor for some things to be brought from Midgard and he saw them on his desk. It was Diana's letters, his drawings, his lute and...the matt black box. Loki walked immediately to the table and opened the box. There was a flash of green light. He took the pen, which was now whole again, and held it gently in his hand. There was only one thing his heart was shouting him to do. Continuously. And then he decided to do it. Even if it would torture him.  
...

He saw her from the distance. He knew she couldn't see him for his magic made him invisible. She was sitting in the garden, reading. He didn't allow himself to approach her but he just stood there. She read there for hours, and he just kept looking at her, trying to calm his heart.

Then he saw Thor arriving in the garden, approaching her, and he knew he just couldn't stay...and hear her voice.


	31. Chapter 31 - The Return

_**No way...Chapter 31.  
**_

 _ **Background music suggestion: Piano Guys: Mission / How Great Thou Art**_

 _ **Thank you so much for reading!**_

* * *

 **Chapter 31 – The Return**

 _And I forgot t_ _o tell you  
_ _I love you  
_ _And the night's t_ _oo long  
_ _And cold here  
_ _Without you_

 _-Sarah McLachlan: I Love You_

 _..._

Thor informed Diana of Odin's decision and that Loki had retreated to his chambers wishing to be left alone. He could see the news had a strong effect on Diana which she tried to conceal.  
"Are you feeling better milady?"  
"I am," she answered, still obviously trying to calm herself.  
"I am most happy to hear that. I would like to invite you to a feast tonight."  
"A feast?"

Diana received an invitation to the feast that was to be held that night. It was not officially stated that way but in a way it was held to celebrate Loki's return. Of course it could not be openly called anything like that for he was still a very contradicting person, under a parole of sorts.

She knew Loki could have visited her now had he decided so. But he did not come. She wondered whether he would attend the feast tonight and if he even wished to see her. Yes, Diana realized their relationship was an impossibilty. They could only hurt each other and themselves...Even in the case they loved one another.

She told Thor she didn't feel like attending the feast.

...

Later that afternoon a messenger arrived at her door giving her a letter.

 _Dear Diana,_  
 _Please attend the feast tonight as my guest._ _I will try to persuade Loki to come. I am sure he would wish to see you before you return to Midgard. In fact, I am sure he will always consider you his friend.  
-Frigga_

Friend? Yes...a friend. Perhaps this wasn't what she wished but she just knew she needed to see him. Despite everything. She so wished to see him. Diana sent the All-Mother a message that she would attend.

...

Frigga's maid arrived and brought a selection of dresses for her to choose from, and from all those lovely colors, one dress just stood apart from others. It was the dark green one. The gown had long sleeves so she knew she could hide her scars. She put the dress on and it was a perfect fit. The maid returned to do her hair and after she finished there was a knock on the door. It was All-Mother herself.  
"Frigga," Diana made a small bow.  
She looked at Diana with warmth in her gaze.  
"My dear, I am so happy to see you found a dress that suits you so well."  
Diana blushed. She knew very well why she had chosen the dress. She could have a possibility to _show_ him one last time...how much he meant to her.  
"Please come. We do not wish to be late."  
Frigga took Diana's arm and they walked together through the corridors to the royal banquet hall. Diana could feel how her heart began to beat faster and faster. Thor was there to meet them.  
"Mother," he said giving her mother a kiss on the cheek.  
"Lady Diana, I am so happy to see you" he said giving her a kiss on the hand.  
"Please excuse me. I need to talk to my husband," Frigga said leaving them.  
Diana's eyes were searching. There was no sign of him.  
"Is Loki here?" she asked.  
"He is still adjusting to this new situation. I fear he will not attend."

...

Loki was there he was in the banquet hall, invisible once more, standing in the shadows. He knew he could see Diana there. And he knew hiding like this was cowardly but he felt it was the only way...The moment Diana arrived in the hall Loki practically stopped breathing. She looked more beautiful than ever and he had to blink not once but twice because she was wearing the deepest darkest green.

 _She had to know very well the colour was..._

Before he dared to finish the thought, he couldn't help noticing Diana looked confused and her eyes were roaming the room. She tried to hide it but he could see it so clearly, her frustration.

 _No, it could not be.  
You are imagining._

Diana turned to ask Thor something. Even from the distance he could make out whose name left her lips. His heart stopped. He could see Thor answered her and then for a moment she looked down and didn't even try to hide it. It was there, open on her face, all her disappointment, all her sadness. She walked a bit further to the side of the hall where she thought no one would notice her. Loki walked closer.

 _I thought it impossible._

But it was so clear. She looked like she was about to cry and he so wanted to approach her. But then, suddenly Diana walked quickly back to Thor, now holding her hand on her side. She said something to him. Thor immediately took her arm and began escorting her out of the banquet hall.

Loki couldn't help the hope rising in his heart. His steps immediately started taking him towards the hall where he knew he would find Odin and Frigga. He decloaked himself. He knew exactly what he had to do. And on his way he couldn't help a smile rising on his lips.

He was so happy Diana was still the worst actor he knew.

...

Loki was now walking the corridor towards the healing rooms when he came across Thor who was now returning to the banquet hall.  
"I'm happy to see you outside your chambers."  
"Yes. And I know that we have much to discuss, but there is an important matter I have to attend to," he said in haste.  
Thor had a suspicion what it might have to do with.  
"Do what you must," he said and gave Loki a smile.

...

Thor had escorted Diana back to her room. Yes, she had used the wound as an excuse to leave the feast. It ached only very rarely now. She had needed to leave the hall for the sadness had just overcome her, so overwhelmingly. She missed Loki so and she just wanted to cry. There was a fire in the hearth and the whole room was lit with its warm, soft glow. Diana had a feeling the court would feast till late tonight. She smiled bittersweetly at the thought that the Aesir folk seemed to be nighttime birds too. And so she wiped the tears from her eyes. She needed to sit down. So she walked up to the bed, but then, she noticed something on the pillow.

A letter.

She practically stopped breathing. She knew from whom it could only be from. But how had it ended up there. Diana took the letter in her hand. There was a dark green seal. Carefully she opened it and unfolded the letter, only to find out it was an empty parchment. She looked at it confused.

 _Why would he…?_

After one second a word appeared on it, in his so familiar handwriting.

 _Diana,_

She looked at her name. In awe.  
And accepted this magic as part of this world, her mind and heart expecting more.  
And it came.

 _I know that by now you have fully realized who I am and what I have done._

 _I do hope Thor could answer your questions._

 _I am sorry._

 _For everything._

 _Yes, everything._

 _I do not know if you wish to see me._

There was a pause. She became desperate. It could not stop here.

 _Thor told me you would have preferred to have me answering your questions._

 _Do you want to see me?_

 _If you do, just say 'yes'._

 _However, if you do not wish to see me again, I understand._

 _And your silence speaks then._

 _Eternally Yours,_

When those two words appeared, she felt them rising, her tears...

 _With my undying love,_

…and with those words they fell down her cheeks.

 _Loki_

She touched his name and stood there, her heart drumming, tears falling on her face.

 _What on earth did he mean?  
Say 'yes'? How?_

She looked at the letter again in confusion.  
Then more writing appeared.

 _P.S. I meant that literally, about saying 'yes'._

A smile rose to her lips.  
"Yes," she whispered.

And in that second he appeared there, in front of her, just a mere foot away. The letter fell from her hand and she understood. He had stood there all along. He was standing there wearing his plain dark green tunic and trousers and even this way he looked somehow so regal now. The look on his face expressed all his insecurity. He looked so vulnerable, beautiful. Diana just could not bring herself to be angry with him for hiding there...For a long moment they just stood there, looking at each other. In the light of the fire his eyes looked so dark.

With shaking hands Diana slowly took a step and closed the gap between them, and that was that moment he lifted her into his arms. She pressed her face to the crook of his neck, her tears finally landing there. He smelled of the familiar winter and pine and that something she had never been able to describe, the stars and infinity...Loki seemed to hold her so effortlessly, as if gravitation did not exist. Then he pressed his cheek onto hers.  
"I was afraid you would not wish to see me," he said with a low voice close to her ear.  
"I feared I'd never see you again," she whispered.  
She pulled herself back just so that they were facing each other. He was so close. Loki's eyes looked even more incredible now. Looking at them, she knew there was only path in the universe for her, even if it would be a dead end. So she calmly leaned closer and pressed her lips onto his, closing her eyes. First their lips remained almost still, but then she moved hers minutely and it happened, his lips replied, and they held onto each other so tightly, like their life depended on it, and in the kiss they were soon were very much drinking one another at the same time being each other's stream.  
Loki felt like his heart was about to explode inside his ribcage. He had planned to talk to her first but he could have never not replied to her kiss. And _now_ , his magic very much recognized hers...For _yes_ , she had magic, an ancient Midgardian form of it, so sweet...He just wanted to drink her endlessly. Eventually they broke the kiss to catch their breath and he gently landed her down. With a swift move Diana jumped on the bed next to them. They both smiled at the déjà vu. Then she pulled him close, wrapping her arms around his neck. He encircled his arms around her waist. He looked into her eyes, those deep brown eyes that were now on the same level as his. Then from her lips left the sweetest words he had ever heard.  
"I love you, Loki."  
She had decided she would not hold it back, no matter what happened. No matter if it was a dead end. She would not do that to him. During his life too many had hidden things from him. She would not. Loki's gaze was so intense, she felt it was trying to touch her soul.  
" _How_ can you love me? he asked quietly.  
She saw the conflict in his eyes. He needed her answer.  
"I just can…" she said smiling.  
"You are _you..._ The one I love."  
She brought her hands to his face.  
"The one I have loved for a long time..."  
Diana felt her smile rising from somewhere very deep in her heart.  
For a moment he stared into distance, then back into her eyes.  
"I still cannot believe…that you love me."  
"You'd better believe it."  
She leaned forward and pressed her lips on his and this time his lips answered with no delay. And while they were kissing she slowly slid her fingers into his hair and took hold of it gently. She realized she had dreamed of doing that for such a long time. It felt so silken to touch. She could feel his smile on her lips when she did this...Soon they were out of breath again.  
"Diana, you surely know I love you," Loki said lifting his hand to caress her cheek.  
Diana nodded at him smiling, but then, all of a sudden, she winced. There had been a flash of pain on her side and her hand went onto the wound. Loki's hand was almost immediately on hers and his expression was so grave.  
"I guess this was just a bit too much…" Diana said.  
Loki looked desperate.  
"I am so sorry…I cannot believe I forgot you are still injured. I must have hurt you."  
"Honestly. Don't apologize. Any of this. _Ever_." Diana said smiling through her pain.  
"Can I see it? The wound? I might be able to help." Loki asked so seriously.  
She nodded. But she realized she was still wearing the long dress.  
"I just have to change…"  
Loki helped her descend from the bed. She grabbed her clothes from the bed and went to the bathroom. She closed the door and took a deep breath.

 _What was happening?_

Everything was replaying in her head. As she took the dress off she couldn't help that her hands were shaking. She slipped into the pearly sleeveless tunic and the trousers and looked herself from the mirror.

It was that very moment her heart sunk. Because truly, she could never have the man that was waiting her on the other side of that door. After all, he was hardly a man, he wasn't her kind. Their lives were incompatible. He would outlive her. And still…this had been the best moment of her life.

Her heart so longed to return to him.


	32. Chapter 32 - The Offer

**_Okay :)_**

 ** _Background music suggestion: Puccini: Turandot / Act 3: 'Nessun dorma'. Loop just in case :)_**

 ** _I suggest to search for nessun dorma bbc orchestra and you'll find a version with no vocals that I preferred here..._**

 ** _Thank you for reading!_**

* * *

 **Chapter 32 – The Offer**

 _None shall sleep, none shall sleep  
_ _You too, princess,  
_ _In your cold room  
_ _You watch the stars  
_ _Trembling of love and hope_

 _But the mystery of me is locked inside of me  
_ _No one will know my name  
_ _No, no, I will say it on your mouth,  
_ _When the light will shine  
_ _And my kiss will melt the silence  
_ _that makes you mine._

 _\- Puccini: Nessun Dorma (translation)_

...

Loki sat onto the bed to wait her. It all felt like a dream. Finally, she reappeared. She was barefoot wearing a sleeveless tunic and trousers. They were of a pearly color and she looked like a dream. But her expression...He had a feeling what was going on. She approached him slowly and stopped right in front of him. He had to look up at her.  
"Here," she said and lifted the hem of the tunic so that he could see the wound. Then, she turned a bit sideways so he could see it better. He immediately noticed it had already healed quite well, only the rims were still purplish. He raised his hand and hovered it above the wound, scanning it with his magic, her current demeanour causing him to be careful not to touch her. What he found out was a relief but actually not a surprise.  
"Eir has done a wonderful job. But I think I could still accelerate the healing process a bit."  
He looked at her straight in the eyes.  
"May I?"  
She nodded. He placed both of his hands gently on the wound and could feel how she shivered under his touch. He couldn't help noticing she closed her eyes and swallowed. She felt incredibly soft. He ordered his mind to concentrate on the matter at hand as he began. His hands and then her skin became warm as the magic flowed through. There was a slight green glow. He kept his hands there for a minute or so and then gently removed them. Finally, Diana opened her eyes and looked down the wound. She looked a bit puzzled.  
"It doesn't actually look much different but it should heal faster," Loki said.  
She let the fabric of the tunic fall back down, looked at the floor and said very quietly.  
"Thank you."  
Diana built up the courage and lifted her eyes to meet his.  
"For saving my life."  
And she couldn't help herself. In a second she leaned over and kissed him, making them fall on the bed. She kissed him like it was the last time she could ever do it, desperately. He seemed a bit shocked first but then returned her kiss. But then he stopped when he felt her tears on his face.  
"You are crying."  
She gently lifted her so that she was sitting sideways on his lap, in his arms.  
"Now, please listen." he said stroking her back gently.  
"I wouldn't have come here unless my intentions towards you were honorable. I am not a fool. I haven't forgotten you're a human. I came tonight because I saw you tonight at the feast."  
"You _were_ there?" she asked surprised.  
"Yes, I made myself invisible with a spell."  
She raised her eyebrows.  
"I thought I might never see you again and then I saw you were looking for me and…Now I am here. But before I came, I made sure I can actually offer you something."  
Her eyes looked straight into his, asking for an explanation.  
"Do you know the legend of the Idunn's apple?"  
She nodded. She knew the myth.  
"Well, it is actually based on something real. It expands the lifespan and can be bestowed upon a mortal in certain cases. If Odin chooses so."  
Suddenly he seemed to become extremely interested in his own hand.  
"For instance in the case that the mortal is deemed worthy and…"  
His eyes lifted to look at hers.  
"An Aesir prince would like to marry her."  
She could see both the fear and the hope.  
"Or a frost giant prince in this case." A very small grin graced his lips but he was still very serious.  
It felt to Diana as if her heart stopped beating. She could not move. Loki took her hand into his own and took a deep breath.  
"So will you marry me?"

That moment her whole world went black.

"Diana."  
His face was above him, he was holding her in his arms.  
She felt a bit disoriented but then immediately realized what had happened.  
"I fainted, didn't I?"  
"I'm afraid you did."  
She facepalmed herself.  
"Oh, that's just perfect."  
He looked confused.  
"What is perfect?"  
"Now you'll have a great story to tell our grandchildren."  
When she peeked between her fingers, she saw a smile rising on his lips. The one that always broke her heart, his boyish smile. Loki gently removed her hand off her face and just looked at her in awe. He leaned closer, their faces a mere inch apart.  
"So does this mean you will accept my offer?" he said with a low voice that made her tremble.  
"Yes."  
He leaned down and pressed his lips on hers and kissed her in a way that almost made her faint again. After the kiss he stroked her hair with a questioning look.  
"So you'll stay here on Asgard, and realize I myself cannot leave the palace for a hundred years or so?"  
"Yes, I'll stay…" she nodded.  
"It could be our honeymoon at home."  
"I like the way that sounds," he grinned and leaned to kiss her again.

They were there for a long time, on the bed, sharing sweet kisses.  
"I should leave you now to rest," he finally said.  
It was then that Diana took a gentle hold of his wrist.  
" _No_. I mean...Please stay."  
He looked at her hand around his wrist and smiled.  
"I will...In fact, nothing would make me happier."

They rested on the bed in a peaceful embrace, facing each other. There was a feeling of tranquility, arriving home. They just looked into each other's eyes. Later Diana pressed her head against his chest so that she could hear his heartbeat. First she thought he had fallen asleep but then she heard him once more.

"I missed you so."

His words had come from the border of sleep and he had now drifted away, to sleep.  
And soon she did as well, listening to his steady heartbeat, thinking how she belonged there, in his arms.


	33. Chapter 33 - The Perfect Day

**_I'm so happy for them, the ship has sailed!  
But could this ship be called? Loana? Or Diaki? :) _**

**_When I wrote this chapter, one of its working titles was 'Do We Actually Need This Chapter?"_**  
 ** _My answer obviously is...Yes, we do! :)_** ** _And so the second working title was...'One Fluffy Day'._**

 ** _Background music suggestion: whatever you consider the sweetest music on earth_**

 ** _Thank you for reading._**

* * *

 **Chapter 33 – The Perfect Day**

 _Your love i_ _s better than chocolate  
_ _Better than anything else that I've tried  
_ _Oh love i_ _s better than chocolate  
_ _Everyone here knows how to cry_

 _And it's a long way down_  
 _It's a long way down_  
 _It's a long way  
_ _Down to the place where we started from_.

 _-Sarah McLachlan: Ice Cream_

...

The morning light awoke her.

And she instantly felt Loki. She was indeed very much curled against him, her arm around him. She saw his chest rising and falling. He was still sleeping. She closed her eyes and just enjoyed the moment.

 _He is real.  
This is real.  
This is the best morning of my life._

His breathing was steady, his appearance so peaceful. Diana lifted herself to lean on her elbow and just looked at his unguarded face. She still could hardly believe he was there. He looked so beautiful, his ebony hair such a contrast with his pale skin. He actually reminded her of a mythical knight.

Loki's eyes fluttered a bit but they still remained closed. She gently placed a kiss on his cheek. He opened his eyes, soon looking into hers, and she saw it soon again on his lips, his most genuine smile.  
"It wasn't a dream," he said and it didn't take him two seconds to gently pull her into a kiss.  
"We kind of taste like morning," Diana said smiling on his lips.  
"I don't care but if it bothers you..." he mumbled on her lips making her giggle.  
"I couldn't care less," she said continuing the oddest kiss.  
"Of course I _could_..." he succeeded saying while their lip action still continued.  
Suddenly she experienced something happening inside her mouth. It lasted only a second.  
"You know that was utterly ridiculous, don't you?" she said now almost laughing against his lips.  
"Practical magic," he replied while their kiss still went on.  
Suddenly Diana did interrupt the kiss.  
"Just wondering…Could I _choose_ a taste?"  
He could see she was genuinely curious. This amused him.  
"Of course, my curious one. What would you like?" he asked smiling toothily.  
"Gingerbread," she said smirking.  
He shook his head and there was another brief tingling sensation inside her mouth and a lovely taste.  
"I do wonder whether you are mature even on Midgardian standards," he said narrowing his eyes just a bit.  
Diana leaned closer to him with her gingerbread tasting mouth.  
"You know we should hold onto the child inside of us."  
Then she very much pressed her lips on his. The kiss was bolder, they were now very much examining each other's mouths. Finally they ran out of breath.  
"You know, that was _so_ good, I want another taste," he said grinning.

...

"Eir", Loki said approaching her.  
They found her in the great hall of the healing rooms. She turned around looking quite surprised.  
"Good to see you."  
They took hold of each other's hands.  
"I didn't have time to thank you."  
"You don't have to. You did it, you know that," Eir said.  
"I didn't mean just that...I know you have remembered me."  
Eir nodded and then looked at Diana and then back at Loki. A smile rose on her lips.  
"Would you like to have some breakfast? I'd like to hear your side of the story, Loki."  
Diana and Loki looked at each other smiling.

...

Loki took Diana to the great palace gardens. She had not visited them yet. They were vast and she knew that without him she would have been lost.  
"I used to have my own garden here. I guess it's still there..."  
"Please, show it," Diana asked eagerly.  
He nodded and began to lead her down one of the paths. They walked for quite some time, taking their time and resting every now and then. They came to a stone wall and one of the paths followed it. This part of the garden was actually more like a forest. They were still walking by the wall when he stopped and touched it. She did notice the green flash. A wooden door appeared. It looked a bit worn. He opened it and they entered a small garden.  
It was wild but beautiful, from one side there was a view towards the waterfalls... She suspected the garden had some magical qualities. He took her hand and led her to a big tree that was in the middle of it. They sat on the lawn, at the foot of the tree.  
"This my secret place."  
She took his hand and they placed their palms against each other.  
"Thank you for sharing it with me."  
She leaned to kiss him and they kissed for quite a long time, under that tree.

...

He was leaning on the tree now, Diana's head was resting on his lap. They enjoyed the Asgardian afternoon sun, comfortable yet not burning at all.

"There were questions I could not ask Thor. Ones only you know the answer to."  
"Please ask," he said stroking her hair.  
"Why me?"  
He looked down at her and raised his eyebrows.  
"I could actually ask you the same...Why me?"  
She had a pondering look.  
"I can tell you one thing though…" Loki began.  
"You take me as I am. I know it sounds absurd considering everything...But with you I never have to pretend."  
She smiled at him and continued playing with his fingers that were resting on her stomach. She could feel from the calluses that he had written a lot. She was already thinking about her next question. Even now, having crossed the threshold of becoming lovers, she somehow feared it. But she needed to know.  
"What happened when you were in seclusion?"  
He looked down and the shadow of her agony was still there, so plainly on her face, and it hurt him so much to see it. He began to tell her the truth of what had happened.

...

"W-what? You were there over a year?" she could hardly breathe.  
"Because of me?"  
She was shaking her head. She was now walking back and forth, occasionally stopping abruptly.  
Loki gently took hold of her shoulders.  
"I could not have you waste your life with me in that cage of an asylum. I didn't have an Apple of Idunn...I honestly saw no other way."  
She held her head.  
"But you were really in that ward..."  
He captured her into his arms.  
"All is well now," he whispered, gently stroking her back.  
Finally she calmed down. And they rested there for a while, still under that tree.

...

They left his garden and were walking back inside the palace, hand in hand. They knew they looked like love-struck adolescents but they did not care. Diana spoke as they walked.  
"I cannot help wondering…What are the dynamics of a relationship that lasts thousands of years. What if we get bored of each other? What if we'll change?"  
He suddenly stopped and looked her deep in the eyes.  
"The dynamics of a relationship are the same, no matter what its length. Faithfulness creates faithfulness, love creates love."  
He could see she was deep in thought. Then she gazed up at him.  
"Well, I can say only one thing…I do not wish to be a moment apart from you."  
"I know what you mean. It is a good thing you promised to marry me yesterday."  
Diana found his smile so sweet.  
There were some members of the court walking in the garden, but they kept their distance. Still, they  
were clearly getting attention.  
"I guess we are the talk of the town," Diana said glancing sideways.  
"I suppose we are."  
Loki leaned to whisper into her ear.  
"Do you know what the rumour is? They say you tamed the dark prince."  
She blushed and a laughter escaped her lips.  
"The dark prince? _That_ is your nickname?"  
"It is indeed. One of them."  
Diana looked at him.  
"I do have a feeling that these rumours...They are not entirely true."  
She loved his grin, it was definitely the bit wicked one.  
"You know rumours...They never are. So…Would you like to give them more to talk about?"  
The sudden mischief in her eyes delighted him.  
"Why not. I can hear the rumours of the dark prince and the Midgardian infant kissing in the royal garden."  
He chuckled.  
"As dramatic as possible?"  
She nodded.  
And in a few seconds he leant her back and they shared a most spectacular kiss. After they ran out of breath, he helped her up and they continued walking as if nothing had happened. Soon they were back inside the palace laughing. She loved his laughter.

"When can I see your frost giant form again?" she suddenly asked.  
"I've been _dying_ to see it."  
She had caught him by surprise. His brow furrowed but a smile tugged at the corner of his lip.  
"Later," he said touching her nose and then the smile broke through.  
"I just thought...That just _maybe_ you would like to see the Royal library first."

He just _knew_ what her reaction to that suggestion would be.

...

It was very late at night. They had actually remained in the library after it was closed. Loki noticed he still had some privileges. Apparently they still very much remembered him at the library.

"I am sure they would be happy to have you there, at the library..." he began.  
"Especially helping with the Midgardian section."  
"Are you serious?" Diana could hardly believe what he was suggesting.  
"I am."

She was now deep in her thoughts as they walked. She didn't even bother to ask where he was taking her, she just held his hand and followed him.  
"Have you thought about what you will do now?" she suddenly asked.  
Loki looked at her. So that's what she was thinking.  
"Thor actually asked me something..."  
Diana couldn't help noticing he sounded a bit anxious.  
"You know...A day not that far from now he will become the ruler of Asgard."  
Then, he actually chuckled softly.  
"I actually no longer think it will be the end of this realm. Or the multiverse."  
"So _what_ did he ask?"  
"He asked me to consider becoming his advisor."  
Diana stopped, and Loki stopped too turning back to look at her.  
"And what do you think of this?"  
"I didn't immediately refuse."  
She could see he truly considered it.  
"I'm happy to hear that."  
He tugged at her hand and they continued walking.  
"Where are we going?" she suddenly asked.  
"Do you wish to see my rooms?"  
He felt how she squeezed his hand a bit tighter.  
" _Yes_."


	34. Chapter 34 - The Prince of Asgard

_**Disney owns Marvel, Marvel owns Loki. Wait, so does this mean Loki...is a Disney prince? :P  
**_

 _ **Background music suggestion: Alan Menken: Transformation, Beauty and the Beast soundtrack.**_

 ** _P.S. So I allowed the younger version of myself to write this chapter :) (the same goes for 99% of these final chapters)_**

* * *

 **Chapter 34 - The Prince of Asgard**

 _Two lives have begun now_  
 _Two hearts become one now_  
 _One passion, one dream_  
 _One thing forever true_  
 _I love you_

 _-Transformation, Beauty and the Beast_

...

Frigga had not wasted a moment. The engagement would be announced that night. It had been only a week since he had proposed. Diana had a feeling that the All-Mother had already lost all hope that Loki would ever find anyone.

The dress that was delivered to her was made of the most amazing fabric she had ever seen. Its color was the darkest shimmering green, almost black. It had golden flecks sparkling when she moved. She suspected the last part was a magical. Soon she was looking at herself from the mirror, in disbelief.

There was a knock on the door.  
The door opened and Loki came in.  
"Good evening, my love," he said and froze.  
He just stared at her.  
Also she had to blink.  
And blink again.

He was wearing his regal armor, it was almost obsidian, but she could see that there it was, the green hidden in it. The golden decorative plates had delicate engravings. Their appearances were very much meant to match.  
He slowly walked towards her.  
"My, my…" he said.  
Then he gently took her hand and slowly spun her, looking at her from every angle. Then he frowned.  
"Something is missing."  
"What?" She looked confused.  
He gave her a look that was filled with affection. Then, she felt a tingling sensation in her left hand, and on one of her fingers there was a gentle weight. She looked and there was a golden ring that had the most amazing emerald.  
"I believe you Midgardians wear it this way."  
She could not hide her amazement. It delighted him.  
"And I'm afraid we really should go now."  
He offered his arm.  
"Are you ready?"  
She gave one definite nod and took his arm.  
"For I wish everyone to meet my betrothed."

When they were walking down towards the dining hall she couldn't help herself.  
"Where's the helmet?"  
"Ah, you remember."  
A small smile graced his lips.  
"Well, it _would_ be a bit impractical at the dinner."

...

After the feast they went to Loki's rooms. That is where she had actually spent most of the past week. Whenever they weren't scouring the palace like children. He had wanted to show her everything.

Loki had several adjoining rooms. The materials had lots of dark wood, dark green, black and some gold. Several of walls were bookshelves. In the sitting room there was a big sofa. The large fireplace was made of some nearly black stone. By one of the large windows there was a small table with a chess board. She had actually spent one afternoon just examining the most detailed chess pieces she had ever seen.

 _"You really do not wish to play?  
"Later, I'm just looking at these…"  
He had chuckled.  
"It's kind of cruel to just sit there and not want to play..."_

There were large double-doors leading to a balcony with a view over the palace gardens. They had spent most of the evenings there, sitting, wrapped up in a blanket. He had actually made her read to him. In his bedroom Loki had huge bed with dark green silk-like sheets. But they had not done more than slept there. If one didn't count all that kissing.

"Have I mentioned I like your rooms?"  
"You know, you can consider these rooms yours as well...Although we can move to another part of the palace if you wish."  
"I prefer this. And if it's alright, I'll just step out of this amazing dress now."  
"Feel free," he smiled.  
She was soon wearing just the undergown. He had also taken off the armor and was wearing the undermost layer, a black tunic and trousers. They were lounging on the other end of the sofa. She was leaning on him, being very much inside his embrace.  
"So they actually allow us to have the wedding, despite your house-arrest? I mean, palace-arrest."  
"Yes, my mother convinced everyone. Apparently, if you occupy my time, I have less time to plan anything mischievous. You know, she had actually given up all hope of me ever finding anyone."  
"I _knew_ it."  
Diana shook her head smiling, but then she leaned her head back frustrated, looking at him.  
"I never wanted a big wedding. And now it's going to be like... _an_ _event_."  
He smiled.  
"Can I ask, what would you have wanted, my love?"  
She turned inside his embrace so she faced him.  
"The bare _minimum_ of people attending. And a _simple_ dress."  
"What would have I have worn?" he asked curious.  
She looked at his current outfit.  
"Actually the dark green version of this."  
He nodded.  
"Please tell me more of this wedding."  
First she looked at the ceiling, then lowered her gaze to meet his.  
"I would have wanted it to happen outside, under the stars, late at night. Well, you know me...It's the best time for anything."  
He just looked at her smiling.  
"The stars here are so poetic..."  
Diana was smiling to herself. Loki thought she just looked so sweet.  
"We _would_ have been barefoot like hippies."  
They were actually barefoot and she touched his toes with hers making him chuckle.  
"And of course countless of candles and _really_ good wine...Not that cheap stuff we used to drink."  
"No music?" he asked.  
"No. Just the sounds of the night."  
He smiled at her affectionately.  
"You know it sounds really nice...I would have _loved_ to attend."  
"And speaking of stars, would you like to...? It's a lovely night," Loki nodded towards the balcony.  
"Why not?" she said rising from the sofa.  
He offered her his arm. She just loved when he did that.

...

She noticed the flash of green the very moment they walked through the doors leading to the balcony.  
There she had to blink once.

Twice.

Thrice.

The whole balcony was lit with candles. When she looked down she was wearing a simple yet beautiful dress…Pearly. Even before looking she knew that his tunic was now dark green. Loki stood right behind her and wrapped his arms around her.  
"The stars I could not have done but I do believe they are the courtesy of One Beyond Time," he whispered into her ear.  
"This is so beautiful..." Diana said  
"But does it mean what I think it means?"  
Loki moved in front of her, looking her straight in the eyes.  
"It means this is Asgard and if you choose so we can be wed tonight. We are betrothed. We just have to exchange our vows and consummate our marriage."  
"W-what? We don't need...I mean, don't we need witnesses?"  
He raised his eyebrows, looking a bit amused.  
"No...Things are different on Asgard."  
She gave a chuckle.  
"Is this not what you wanted?" he asked.  
"Yes, it is. But this is just...so medieval. I mean, _consummation of marriage_. Not to mention you are asking me to elope within closed walls."  
"I guess I am," he grinned.  
But then suddenly his expression turned serious.  
"We don't have to…" he said biting his lip.  
"We can enjoy this as it is."  
But she already had a wide smile.  
"No. We should do it."  
"Are you sure?"  
"I am."  
She was now beaming.  
" _Absolutely_ sure?"  
But he already saw her answer.  
"Yes. I'll run away with you."

They sat on the bench that was on the other side of the balcony, surrounded by the sea of candles. He cupped her face and kissed her, long and intently. Then they just sat there, silently for a moment, looking at each other.  
"So what happens now?"  
"Well, if we intend to marry...We should exchange the vows."  
"What are they like?"  
"We can use our own words...If you want, you can follow my lead."  
She nodded.  
"Are you ready?"  
He took her hands into his and looked at her.  
 _Really_ looked at her.  
"I Loki…"  
She saw he was considering his next words.  
"Of Jotunheim and Asgard."  
He found them.  
"Take you Diana Evangeline Knowles, daughter of Alan, from Midgard."  
He paused for a moment.  
Yes, she had noticed the way he had said her father's name.  
It made a lonely tear escape her eye. He wiped it away so gently.  
"My _love_ , my _joy_ and..."  
Suddenly his lips were graced with a small grin.  
"My challenge."  
Diana couldn't help but grinning a bit back at him.  
But then he became serious again.  
"To be my wife."  
He paused for a moment and looked her even _deeper_ in the eyes.  
"And I promise to love you till I die."  
Then, he kissed the palm of her hand.

And if there ever was a moment in Diana's life that she had assumed she would wake up this was it. It's not every day you are marrying an Asgardian frost giant prince under the stars, surrounded by a sea of candle flames.

She didn't wake up though.

"My turn," she said and took both of his hands in hers and looked him in the emerald eyes. They had never looked more deep, gorgeous and loving...She took a deep breath and began.  
"I, Diana Evangeline Knowles, daughter of Alan and Esther, from Midgard, take you Loki, of Jotunheim and Asgard."  
She paused to think for a moment, looking first into distance and then into his eyes.  
"My beautiful and complex prince... "  
She looked at him with such fondness.  
"My best friend and my heart's desire."  
She touched his face so tenderly.  
"To be my husband."  
Diana could feel tears rising in her eyes and saw he had something similar happening in his eyes too.  
"And I promise to love you till I die."  
" _I_ can kiss the bride," Loki said smiling.  
And they shared the sweetest lingering kiss.

Then they stood up and were just standing there, staring at each other, somehow in awe. And they kissed again. Suddenly Diana could sense something was happening around her and when the kiss ended and she opened her eyes they were inside a rain of light. She was speechless. She looked up and it felt like she was standing inside a shower of falling stars...And Loki just looked at her, with so much love. Slowly the rain faded.  
Then, with a swift move Loki swept her into his arms.  
"And now...I am going to kiss every part of you."  
She actually giggled.  
And he carried her back inside.  
On the way Diana remembered something.  
"Loki, you forgot...I asked for the really good wine."  
"Don't worry. I didn't forget it."  
He smirked.


	35. Chapter 35 - Interlaced

**_Yep, they deserve all the happiness..._**

 ** _Background music suggestion: Sleeping at Last version of Chasing Cars. Looping suggested :)  
You can try counting how many previous chapters are referenced here... :P_**

 ** _I cannot say it enough, thank you for reading!_**

* * *

 **Chapter 35 – Interlaced**

 _I need your grace_  
 _To remind me_  
 _To find my own_

 _If I lay here_  
 _If I just lay here_  
 _Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

 _Forget what we're told_  
 _Before we get too old_  
 _Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

 _All that I am_  
 _All that I ever was_  
 _Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see_

 _-Snow Patrol: Chasing Cars_

 _..._

The wine glasses were on the table, untouched.

It was probably the finest wine on nine realms but they forgot to drink it. When Loki put Diana down, they eagerly began to help each other out of their clothes. The beautiful dress glittered in the darkness as it flew to the other side of the room.  
"The dress was perfect..." she said between kisses.  
"You wish to know my inspiration?" he said slightly out of breath.  
She made a sound expressing she wished.  
"My elven empress..."  
He gently tucked a tress of her hair behind her ear.  
 _"You_."  
She instantly kissed him and at the same time began to lift the hem of his tunic. He was so tall he had to help her to take the garment off. It actually got stuck on his head which made them burst into laughter. Then, Loki insisted scanning her side with his magic. He just needed to know the wound had healed and soon he was sure it had. She could feel his hand released some of his healing magic which this time felt rapturous.  
"Just in case," he said looking at her.  
Diana tilted her head a smile playing on her lips.  
" _Loki_..."  
He had a questioning look.  
" _Could we just continue_?" she said gazing him intently in the eyes.  
She could see he very much understood the reference.  
" _Yes_."  
Within seconds he had lifted her and her legs were wrapped around him, her back making contact with a close-by wall. They were smiling, looking each other in the eyes. Then, he slowly leaned and kissed her on the neck, so slowly, his message being so clear.

 _He wanted her._  
 _Now._

Soon they reached for the bed and when they were finally there, losing the rest of their garments and feeling each other so fully, it didn't take them long to reach shared ecstasy. And Asgardian matrimony.

They made love for hours.

...

The newlyweds were laying between the dark green sheets very much entwined in the darkness.  
"Don't you find it incredible, that we met?" Diana asked.  
"I do," Loki said looking quite serious.  
"Do you think...it was meant to be?"  
He nodded. His fingers began to caress her wrist, and play with the bracelet. He looked thoughtful.  
"I've worn it every day," Diana said quietly.  
He lifted her wrist to his lips and placed a tender kiss on it.  
Then he interlaced their fingers and looked her deep in the eyes.  
"Diana, my love...I've thought of your name."  
He spoke with such a soft, caressing voice.  
"You know I am also called Loki the Cunning here..."  
"Loki the Cunning? That is quite fitting, isn't it?" Diana said smiling radiantly, running now circles with her thumb on his hand.  
"You know what I would wish to call you?"  
" _What_ would you wish to call me?"  
He could see she was so curious and couldn't help thinking how beautiful her eyes looked, it was almost as if the amber in them sparkled.  
" _Diana the Faithful_."  
She just stared at him, moved by his words. Yes, she was so sure he could see it.  
" _Yes_ , that is what I will call you, because that day, when you were suddenly behind my door, I just couldn't believe it. I almost still cannot. You didn't forget me, you kept loving me...And I'd like to give you something now, my love."  
He sounded quite mysterious.  
"To remember this night by."  
Diana was still shaken by what he had said when the ceiling began to shimmer with green light. This light was becoming more and more familiar to her. And she somehow anticipated what would appear there, for it was a ceiling after all, but she couldn't believe her eyes when she saw _both_ the Asgardian and the Midgardian stars, and that they were _paintings_. _Her_ paintings. She could see they had brushstrokes, details, even her signatures...And they were interlaced and alive somehow, pulsating. Diana could hardly breathe. She was just staring at the incredible sight above her.  
"Do you like it?"  
"I love it..." she said almost breahtless.  
There was something she just needed to ask.  
"Loki...How can you remember _my_ stars?"  
He looked her in the eyes and shook his head.  
"I could never forget."  
Then he cast his look downwards.  
"I visited your room after you left."  
From her silence he could feel she wished to know more.  
"One day I noticed one of the windows was open...And I went there."  
He still didn't raise his eyes to meet hers.  
"I actually went there often. I just stared at your ceiling for hours...I was even there some nights."  
She couldn't believe what he had just told her. Then, Loki finally raised his eyes to meet hers and the look in them was quite sad. Diana cupped his face and gave him the most tender, long kiss, and then just looked him with all the love she could.  
"Thank you for your gift...It is _so_ beautiful."  
Her words ignited a happy spark now in his eyes.  
"Speaking of beautiful..."  
He gently cupped her face now.  
"You truly _are_ by far the most beautiful creature I have ever seen."  
He looked her so deeply in the eyes.  
"On _all_ realms."  
His words made her tremble and also sparked a remembrance. She just _knew_ he had said this before, and then she realized this had happened... _in_ _the darkness_. Diana had been recalling more and more of it every day. First she thought she imagined it but now she was absolutely certain.  
"Loki..."  
"Yes?"  
"Did you speak to me in the darkness?  
He looked confused.  
"I mean...When I was in the healing rooms?  
The widest smile suddenly rose on his lips.  
"You _heard_ me?"  
For some strange reason he had not realized to ask this.  
Diana nodded smiling.  
Loki could see she definitely wanted to ask something.  
"And did you, in fact...read the _entire_ Lord of the Rings to me?"  
It was Loki's turn to nod smiling.  
He bit his lower lip a bit and Diana couldn't help thinking he looked so adorable. She gave the sweetest laughter but then immediately another thought crossed her mind. Her expression quickly became different...Sad.  
"What's the matter?" Loki immediately asked.  
"I just remembered…" she swallowed and tears were beginning to well up in her eyes.  
"That moment..."  
She was now looking into nothingness.  
"When you kissed me and left."  
Her eyes were now very much glimmering and she looked Loki into his eyes and could see he remembered that moment too. He looked somehow desperate. And so they just clung onto one another, holding each other so tightly. Finally, Loki faced Diana.  
"I am _never_ letting you go," he said and kissed her with so much longing and desire. And something shifted. Through the kiss they entered the dreamlike state, somehow even deeper than that time once before, feeling absolutely no time and boundaries, their hearts declaring so much love in every touch, kiss and caress...

And their souls were quite surprised when they succeeded in something they thought impossible.

Melting together.

Perfectly.


	36. Chapter 36 - The Dawn

_**I cannot believe we are here.  
But we are.**_

 _ **Background music suggestion:**_ ** _Muse: Exogenesis Symphony Part 3 (Redemption)_**

 _ **This chapter quite possibly needs this song.**_

* * *

 **Chapter 36 - The Dawn**

 _Just let us start it over again_

 _-Muse: Exogenesis: Symphony Part 3 (Redemption)_

 _..._

 _Passion and bliss._

Not long ago those were the last things Loki expected in his life and last night they had filled his existence. _She_ had filled it. He didn't know what he had imagined but it had been so much more. He could feel her warm body against him, asleep, but he himself couldn't sleep. He just wanted to _be_ there and _feel_ her.

The morning hadn't dawned yet but he could feel her shifting, waking up. He turned a bit and leaned on his arm so that he could see her face. The room was still dark, the stars softly pulsating on the ceiling. Diana's eyes were closed but he could see she was more or less awake. He kissed her collarbone. She opened her eyes and the look in them made him shiver. Her expression soon turned to an amused one. She slid her hands into his hair.  
"I am so sorry. I seem to have messed up your hair."  
He touched it and realized it was indeed very disheveled.  
"I do not mind," he smiled.  
She leaned forward and kissed him, her hands still in his hair.  
"You look adorable," she whispered on his lips.  
They were very much going to Valhalla and back again.

...

Later they were lying on the bed peacefully, her back against his chest.  
Diana was suddenly startled by the fact Loki's hand was caressing her upper arm, the scarred part of her skin.  
"I'm sorry."  
She was perfectly still.  
"It's okay."  
"Diana, there is actually something I wish to ask you…"  
He had sounded so serious and she just had to turn to face him.  
"What is it?"  
"Would you want me to heal them?"  
She looked at him wide-eyed.  
"You could?"  
He nodded.

...

Loki couldn't help thinking how absolutely beautiful she looked, lying on her back under the sheets. Very slowly and carefully he began to run a finger on a scar. She could feel the warmth of his magic and see how a trace of perfect skin was left behind. One scar after another, taking his time and looking so concentrated, he continued his work. Diana didn't know whether to laugh or cry. What he was doing caused her to feel so many things. And she couldn't help it that one of these emotions was sadness. She couldn't quite understand it. But then she just looked at Loki and just saw how he wished to express his love this way...and it just warmed her heart.

He had been now doing his work for quite a while. He had already finished the other arm.  
"Please don't exhaust yourself."  
He simply smiled at her.  
"I won't."

...

"What about your scars?"  
She was running her fingers on the smooth skin of her upper arms. It was incredible.  
"Well, you saw how it is done...So I cannot do it for myself. But I guess I could ask Eir to help."  
Somehow she sensed this was not something he wished to do.  
"Unless…" Loki said but then shook his head.  
"Please do tell."  
"I was wondering…If the magic could run though _you_."  
He said this in a pondering tone.  
"Through me?"  
"I honestly don't know if it could work. But in theory you could be a conduit."  
"Please. Let's try. What should I do?"  
"Just run your finger slowly on a scar. Nothing more."

It actually worked. She could somehow sense the way the magic flowed through. He was lying on his stomach while she sat next to him in his silk-like black bathrobe, her finger tracing a scar.  
"We need to stop," Loki suddenly said.  
They had been doing it only for a few minutes.  
"Are you tired?" she asked.  
"No."  
His voice sounded strange.  
"What's wrong?"  
"THIS!"  
Diana was startled by his voice. It was only then he turned to face her.  
She could see his eyes were filled with tears.  
" _I_ should _not_ do this. _I_ deserve these scars."  
He was gasping for air and then he shut his eyes tightly.  
Diana did the only thing she could think of. Lay down beside him.

Loki could feel her arms around him, how she so carefully pressed his head against her chest. He could feel her heartbeat and he couldn't help thinking of a small bird and he felt so sorry he had scared her...But then, he realized the heartbeat became more and more steady.

And then he heard it. And felt it.

She began to sing.

And he immediately knew the song.

He just listened and let it flow inside of him.

...

Suddenly she couldn't go on anymore.

"I am sorry..."

She closed her eyes. The tears had already travelled a long way down her cheeks.

She could feel he held her tighter.

And it was then she heard it.

He began to sing. Where she left off.

 _But He would never abandon,_

 _t_ _he lost and the broken,_

 _Beyond the stars and the time,_

 _He still calls them._

 _So ask a_ _nd it shall be yours._

 _A new beginning, a_ _new heart._

And she knew what had caused her sadness.

"The real scars..." she began but couldn't continue.  
"I know," he said.

They held each other.

"Do you think we are ready..."

"To ask?"

...

At first it didn't feel like anything happened. But then, something changed somewhere, perhaps inside of them, perhaps on the other side the multiverse, possibly even beyond it...And they felt it and when they opened their eyes they saw it in each other's eyes. Neither of them knew what it exactly meant and what would happen next but they both knew the room was filled with hope.

"I knew we could do it," Diana said with a knowing smile.

Loki could only stare at her.

 _No, it seemed too incredible._

But somehow it felt as if he saw Diana with new eyes.

And as they kissed, their magics mingled and even Diana could feel it.

In her heart.


	37. Chapter 37 - It's Gonna Be Alright

**_A romance. An escape. A rollercoaster ride of emotions, or should I say, feels :)  
_** ** _I hope this story was something like that. I tried!_**

 ** _This one goes for my family. Without you this would not have been possible. Honestly. Not even close. Thank you, J, for Your support. You are my Beta Reader._**

 _ **And my heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you my readers for this journey! I can't believe we made it! Hugs!**_ ** _But now...the final chapter and a brief epilogue._**

 _ **Background music suggestion: Ilan Eshkeri: Coronation, Stardust soundtrack**_  
 _ **It's P.E.R.F.E.C.T. and so worthy of looping.  
**_

 ** _Just freeze the frame at the end of the chapter (before epilogue) in your head...Just freeze it. Or even better, turn it into an illustrated page in a storybook :)_**

 ** _Once more, my deepest thank you for reading! *waves* Here's a very virtual illustrated version of Lord of the Rings _with_ a magical map created by Loki as a memoir. It's quite heavy...There you go._**

* * *

 **Chapter 37 - It's Gonna Be Alright This Time**

 _And all along I believed  
I would find you  
Time has brought your heart to me,  
I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you  
For a thousand more_

 _\- Christina Perri: Thousand years_

 _..._

Diana was stretching her limbs and taking breaths as if she was to run the 100-meter hurdles. It looked comical in the ivory colored dress she was wearing. It had a long train behind it. She had lots of jewelry, a tiara, an amazing hairdo. Loki was wearing what Diana called his "fantastic gear". Yes, he was _finally_ wearing the helmet.

They were in a room adjoining the throne room.  
"Please, my love, calm down. You are lucky that I am the prodigal prince...Only two hundred people of the court are attending."  
Diana looked at Loki annoyed.  
"Besides, Odin will do most of the talking."  
She still looked annoyed.  
"You're not actually helping."  
He tilted his head.  
"I'm just trying to take the edge off this."  
She chuckled.  
" _Take the edge off_...Midgard really rubbed on you."  
He shrugged and smiled.  
"Shall we?"  
He offered his arm.  
She took it.  
Very large doors were opened.  
Before starting their journey to the throne room, he bent to whisper in her ear.  
"Remember. I am with you."  
She took a firmer hold of his hand.  
And couldn't help giving him a smile.

And a quick kiss.

...

Odin presented Diana with the Apple of Idunn. She thought it actually tasted more like a pear than an apple. Now the ceremony was drawing to an end. Odin's voice had gravity.

"Will you Diana Alansdottir take Loki of Asgard to be your companion, to stand by his side in all the hardships and battles you shall face, and to love him till the end of your days?"  
"I will," she said and looked at Loki.

"Will you, Loki of Asgard, take Diana Alansdottir to be your companion, to stand by her side in all the hardships and battles you shall face, and to love her till end of your days?"  
"I will," he said and looked at Diana.

"Then, I, Odin Borson, the All-Father, Ruler of Asgard and Protector of the nine realms, proclaim you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

He raised his eyebrows.  
She gave a nod.  
They shared a mischievous smile.

And then he leaned her into the most spectacular kiss.

...

 **Epilogue**

...

Loki and Diana were walking down one of the corridors, back to their chambers.  
"We should have a Midgardian style feast," she said.  
"I'd like to show your people how we celebrate."  
Loki noticed she had a funny look on her face.  
"You know...Some punch, Midgardian delicacies..."

 _Ah, like pizza.  
Or gingerbreads.  
But where was she going with this?_

"...and a DJ," she said deadpan while taking a turn.  
"You know, I've _really_ missed the Loki dance. Not to mention _the snake hips_."  
She was clearly suppressing a laughter.  
"You're never going to let me forget that, are you?" he said feigning annoyance.  
They arrived at the other end of their wing.  
"No, probably not," she said in a matter-of-fact tone.  
"Oh, I'll _show_ you snake hips," Loki said with a wicked grin.  
She burst into full laughter and began running towards their door, him running after her.

...

 _Rah rah ah-ah-ah!  
Ro mah ro-mah-mah  
Gaga ooh-la-la!  
Want your bad romance_

 _..._

And you know,  
in the end he _had_ been right.  
There always was a way out.  
He just hadn't anticipated what it would be.

 _Love._

...

 _FIN_


	38. Chapter 38 - Additional Epilogue

_**Yay! Something extra.**_

 _ **The sketch of the following dialogue brought the last of the missing words from the 50000 that I needed during National Novel Writing Month, November 2016.**_

 _ **Outro song added afterwards.**_

* * *

 **Additional Epilogue  
**

"Why didn't you correct them? You could have told them that you were no gods. You could have mentioned what was really going on."  
Loki cleared his throat.  
"First of all, they would not have understood this concept of _alien_ you insist on using. Secondly, we were in a hurry, there was no time to explain. And when we finally returned it was too late."  
"Just confess, it was an ego boost. You _loved_ being worshiped as a god."  
"Well I was a teenager on Aesir standards. Yes, I liked it."  
He shrugged.  
"And what's with the god of mischief? What exactly did you do?"  
"You should be happy that it was not the god of pleasure and procreation," he grinned.  
"That is just _so_ funny, Loki."  
"I just showed them a few tricks. Like I told you, I was an adolescent, I liked to show off. And yes, Odin did give me a long talk about it afterwards."  
"Good. You deserved it.

 _..._

 _A bit of madness is key_  
 _to give us new colors to see_  
 _Who knows where it will lead us?_  
 _And that's why they need us_

 _So bring on the rebels_  
 _The ripples from pebbles_  
 _The painters, and poets, and plays*_

 _And here's to the fools_  
 _who dream_  
 _Crazy, as they may seem_  
 _Here's to the hearts that break_  
 _Here's to the mess we make_

 _\- Audition (The Fools Who Dream), La La Land soundtrack_

 _*For me I think this could be...'The music, fanfiction, and games' :P_


End file.
